To want to leave DH over left overs!

[Theruralrouse]

NC as outing.

Only it’s not just about leftovers. When it comes to my DH I only ever have two options:

Option 1-
Me: (massively micro managing) Right, so Combine the meat products into one bowl and the veggies into another. Make sure to drain all the excess oil/water and cover them then put them straight in the fridge. Ok? You got that? Any questions?
DH: (eye rolling) I know how to pack up leftovers!!!

Option 2-
Me: Can you fridge the leftovers?
DH: yes sure.
next day
Me: (pregnant ugly crying at the uncovered mass of meat/veg soup sat in inches of oil and slop fluid and stinking of the strong smelling other fridge contents) FFS why did you even bother?
DH: (angrily) You just said fridge it. I’m not a mind reader!

It has occurred to me recently that when DH and I met I incorporated how he liked things. I make his food the way he likes, I wash his clothes the way he prefers, I generally do his stuff in line with his preferences. DH does all my stuff his way, unless I remind him every single time. He sees it as ‘no big deal’ and reacts with either angry silence or making out I’m over reacting. He is a wonderful father and provider and I think at this point that’s the only reason we are still together. We have no real relationship.

Also to add, I’m old enough to have grandchildren. So please don’t patronise me about what it’s like with a baby. I know exactly what it’s like.

I had two children with 15 months between them and that was the time in my life when I felt the most tired, the most worthless and lost perspective as to what was reasonable and what wasn’t.

I would seriously stop doing the things that are important to him. He seems unable or unwilling to pull his weight for you, maybe he'll realise when you start to treat him the same way

Except he’s an ‘ex’ and you don’t know if your new relationship will work out once you live together.

I think you should stop patronising the OP with your rigid autocratic ‘advice’ to be more like you.

You don’t know the OP, her DH nor the relationship. How you choose to go about life is not relevant to other people. Trying to bludgeon them into seeing life your way isn’t helpful.

Well, I do know because we live together 2/3rds of the time but suit yourself

When he asks what's for dinner, simply shrug your shoulders and say 'well we were going to have leftovers but I've had to throw them away' and when he asks again what you are having for lunch as there's no left overs shrug and say 'no idea'

@TatianaBis do you consider everyone with partners who work away not real partners? Do you consider that unless you are living together 100% of the time your opinion on relationships doesn’t count?

I consider someone who goes on and on and on, haranguing the OP, misreading her posts, talking about themselves at length a pia. HTH

Thanks for not answering my question.

Hth. 😁

That’s ok, it was a stupid question..

I'm confused are you taking the potatoes and meat and serving them with all the oil?

Have you considered that he doesn't get everything done the way he prefers and that he just doesn't like to moan constantly?

If you knew it needed doing, you do know that you could also put the leftovers away!

Your husband does sound slightly useless, but seems like a genuinely nice guy, and, I mean, you did marry him. Seems a tad harsh to be considering divorce over this. He is your kids father after all. Couldn't you at least try a compromise of you relaxing your standards a bit together with a kick up the arse for him in terms of locking up at night and making more effort around the house? If you explain how much it means to you?

It’s exhausting teaching an adult to adult. Coupled with having to take care of a toddler and being pregnant. Its a ridiculous ask.

Some of this mans actions are clearly deliberate. He went off for a nap during the day, whilst OP was running around after their toddler having also been up through the night breastfeeding.

It’s weird the expectation of well you must spell it out to him.
Oh you have to teach him.
Poor thing is it his fault that you cooked food that had oil in it and then you went off to breastfeed leaving the poor idiot alone to work out how to put food away. Never mind even he didn’t want the resulting slop.

I would leave DH if he behaved like this. I don’t expect to have to ‘nag’ at him to do basic household tasks. I don’t expect him to fuck off to bed in the middle of the day when I’m on my knees having had little sleep with an active toddler.
And he’d be under the patio if I were pregnant and craving leftover sandwiches but he had ruined the food.

I expect mutual care and the use of god given common sense in our relationship. I really don’t think that’s a big ask. I don’t expect to be parenting an adult.

Really what’s the point in an adult who’s adds to your burdens instead of making your life easier.

@frazzledasarock

It’s exhausting teaching an adult to adult. Coupled with having to take care of a toddler and being pregnant. Its a ridiculous ask.

Some of this mans actions are clearly deliberate. He went off for a nap during the day, whilst OP was running around after their toddler having also been up through the night breastfeeding.

It’s weird the expectation of well you must spell it out to him.
Oh you have to teach him.
Poor thing is it his fault that you cooked food that had oil in it and then you went off to breastfeed leaving the poor idiot alone to work out how to put food away. Never mind even he didn’t want the resulting slop.

I would leave DH if he behaved like this. I don’t expect to have to ‘nag’ at him to do basic household tasks. I don’t expect him to fuck off to bed in the middle of the day when I’m on my knees having had little sleep with an active toddler.
And he’d be under the patio if I were pregnant and craving leftover sandwiches but he had ruined the food.

I expect mutual care and the use of god given common sense in our relationship. I really don’t think that’s a big ask. I don’t expect to be parenting an adult.

Really what’s the point in an adult who’s adds to your burdens instead of making your life easier.

Agree.

I am not the cook and so after Xmas dinner and thinking we should put leftovers away, the safest option seemed to be to keep everything that was in a separate serving bowl into a separate Tupperware container. (Though potatoes and carrots could probably have gone together)

And scrape off the gravy of the "on plate but not touched potatoes" so it didn't go mushy

Just seems common sense, probably not needed but didn't hurt to do it in safest way possible.