To think I've cured my alcoholism?

[whenwewereyoung10]

I'm a 28 year old single mother. This time 2 years ago I was in the depths of despair, I was literally drinking all day everyday, from the moment I woke up until the time I went to bed. This time two years ago I was in my kitchen with a glass of red wine, vomiting on the floor whilst taking gulps of red wine in between.

I was ruining my life, I was missing work, losing weight at a rapid speed, ruining friendships and my ex had my daughter full time as I couldn't be trusted to have her.

In January 2019 I asked for help and got it, I started attending alcohol counselling, went on antidepressants and became sober. I sorted my life out, got my daughter back to me full time, started excelling in my job and got a promotion. The dark clouds shifted and genuinely life has been a real pleasure.

However, during lockdown I started drinking again. No real reason for it other than that I felt I had sorted my problems and was now able to drink.

It's been 9 months now and I drink around once a week, sometimes only one drink, sometimes getting bladdered. I've stuck to my rules, such as not drinking when my daughter is in the house, not drinking two nights in a row, not drinking in the mornings etc. And I truly feel like I can take or leave alcohol now.

It dawned on me last night when I was sitting down and had one Baileys and didn't even finish it that made me think how much my relationship with alcohol has changed. I would never have been able to have just the one Baileys 2 years ago, never mind not finishing it.

Yes I have been drunk a few times but has always been socially and I can go in between drinking without it even entering my mind when it used to be a struggle to get through an hour.

I usually would think that this was only short term and that inevitably my drinking would creep up once again, however, it's been 9 months now and no change. I can genuinely say I am happy with every aspect of my life, including my alcohol intake. I genuinely feel like a changed person.

AIBU to believe I have genuinely cured my alcoholism?

9 MTHS is early days and by having alcohol around, you are putting temptation in your path. However, the antidepressants seem to have been the major change here and you're having a good run. The difficulty will be how you cope if things in life don't go to plan or if you decide to come off your medication. Do you have a plan for that? Would you recognise if you were at the start of a slippery slope? Will you still continue receiving support? It seems like things are working for you right now, which is great. I really hope that they continue to do so! Best of luck!

Look. You can probably be on the way to alcoholism and realise that you need to stop. I have had friends who were constantly drinking to unconsciousness in their 20s who stopped getting that drunk when they started working and/or having families. And you can be someone who drinks too much in the evenings or at weekends and should probably cut down for their health, but who is not putting their kids at risk through rendering themselves comatose or neglecting them or making themselves very seriously ill. You can have an argument about whether those people are alcoholics or not, sure, although I would argue that however much or little you drink you have a problem if the thought of giving up drinking fills you with horror. Whatever. But that is not where you are, OP. You are way past that point. I wonder if you know that, and I wonder if the reason that you posted this was both for validation of your drinking for your addicted self and the part of you that is not addicted hoping that you would get some sort of wake up call. Addiction is a prison and you deserve to be free.

Not sure about curing, but most definitely coping and developing a new, healthier relationship. I have had eating disorders in the past (really bad 15 year ago). I don’t think my vulnerability to that sort of addiction / behaviour will ever 100% leave me, but I absolutely do not have disordered eating now. That doesn’t mean I don’t have ‘bad’ days (akin to your getting drunk on occasion) but in no way does my eating now rule my life. Well done you - be very proud of where you have got to and keep building on it

AIBU to believe I have genuinely cured my alcoholism?

So how would you feel about not drinking a single drop for a year or two? Because for someone who doesn't care about alcohol that is totally doable

My mum cured herself too.
Shes perfectly functional and has also only given herself memory lapses, atrial fibrillation, swollen bloated alcoholic face, an abusive controlling marriage, wont hug me because she knows I'll smell it and be upset,doesnt get to look after my dd or her other grandchildren, got demoted from her brilliant job, and a cancer scare.

Yeah shes doing fab on those 'couple of glasses' a week

I'm going to go against the crowd too. It is possible to have a problem with alcohol at one point in your life then control it. As long as you are aware that you have those tendencies and are careful, you don't have to drink zero and you can even get 'bladdered' now and then. Just keep an eye on it

@CrazyToast

I'm going to go against the crowd too. It is possible to have a problem with alcohol at one point in your life then control it. As long as you are aware that you have those tendencies and are careful, you don't have to drink zero and you can even get 'bladdered' now and then. Just keep an eye on it

I ask what I've asked numerous times on this thread... do you think that's possible of your problem was do bad you lost custody of your child?

Do you think testing it with such high stakes?

Could toy manage not drinking anything at all for a year or two? I doubt it. Toy can't cure alcoholism, just learn to control your drinking.

You need to speak to whoever your professional support is . It sounds like you might have a relapse soon.

Well done OP on getting yourself together, addressing the issues and bring able to control it however I will say once an addict, always an addict. You're not cured per se, you are just able to control it at the moment. This can change so please be careful and aware. Good luck on your journey

Jeez. I once knew someone who tried to lose weight and ended up putting more on than they started with.

So, losing weight is impossible. Right?

There's people on the thread who have successfully cut back from harmful drinking to a healthy attitude towards alcohol. And strangers here are saying to them that conceptually, they don't exist.

It is not the norm, but it does happen. If OP is still binging, there is still an issue for her, but well done to her for getting a long way down the road. It's discouraging to her to hear a bunch of sorry stories about your mums and dads. It's horrible that you've been put through that, but it does not guarantee failure for OP.

I'd say either you are not an alcoholic but rather a heavy drinker, or you are on a slippery slope back to full blown drinking.

Alcoholics can never drink, ever. There is no cure.

@Eckhart

Jeez. I once knew someone who tried to lose weight and ended up putting more on than they started with.

So, losing weight is impossible. Right?

There's people on the thread who have successfully cut back from harmful drinking to a healthy attitude towards alcohol. And strangers here are saying to them that conceptually, they don't exist.

It is not the norm, but it does happen. If OP is still binging, there is still an issue for her, but well done to her for getting a long way down the road. It's discouraging to her to hear a bunch of sorry stories about your mums and dads. It's horrible that you've been put through that, but it does not guarantee failure for OP.

Voice of reason on an increasingly frustrating thread.

Many, many people once had a problem with alcohol, but have managed to cut down and maintain a healthy relationship with alcohol going forward. Cutting it out entirely isn’t necessary for everyone.

This thread is full of the vicar’s wife from the Simpsons. “Won’t somebody think of the children!”

@MostIneptThatEverStepped

I'd say either you are not an alcoholic but rather a heavy drinker, or you are on a slippery slope back to full blown drinking.

Alcoholics can never drink, ever. There is no cure.

“Alcoholics can never drink, ever. There is no cure”

What a ridiculous statement! If you’ve ever developed a dependency on alcohol, or met any of the criteria for alcoholism, you can never drink again, ever?

Jesus Christ.

Anyone ever had a glass of wine on their own? Or had a drink because you were stressed, angry or embarrassed?

Unfortunately, you’re ticking some of the boxes for alcoholism, and can now never drink again, ever. Sorry about that, thems the rules.

Alcoholics can never drink, ever. There is no cure

That's not true. It really is simple. Many can't, but some people come out the other side of their alcoholism and have a healthy relationship with alcohol afterwards. You are saying that everybody is the same, but everybody is different.

This thread is full of the vicar’s wife from the Simpsons. “Won’t somebody think of the children!”

I'd normally agree were it not for the fact the OPs literally lost her custody of her child through her drinking.
I think in this instance think of the children is entirely appropriate.

Were you an alcoholic? I don’t know. I think you can have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol without being an alcoholic. Most people I know had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol between the ages of 18 and 25 for example. Most don’t now. They’ve stopped at some point. I wouldn’t consider them alcoholics.

Equally I know someone who considered the elves an alcoholic who cousin stop drinking. They could stop for months or years then decide to have a glass again. A glass turned into two the three then a bottle then four bottles. Eventually they would quit again. They accepted this wasn’t healthy, that they had an addictive personality. They stopped drinking about four years ago and go to AA meetings.

I think you can have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol without being an alcoholic

What do you mean by alcoholic, if you don't mean 'unhealthy relationship with alcohol'?

@Umbridge34

This thread is full of the vicar’s wife from the Simpsons. “Won’t somebody think of the children!”

I'd normally agree were it not for the fact the OPs literally lost her custody of her child through her drinking.
I think in this instance think of the children is entirely appropriate.

You in particular are using it as some sort of trump card, suggesting the OP can never drink again without risking losing her child. Undertone being if she really loved her child she wouldn’t drink, and if she drinks, she’s prioritising alcohol above her child.

That is utter nonsense. There is every possibility the OP is able to have a healthy relationship with alcohol in the future, past be damned.

I agree the word ‘cured’ is not right, but I think it’s totally hysterical to say she can never drink again. Alcohol can be a great stress reliever and social lubricant. Plus, for some people, Cold Turkey only increases the chance of a relapse.

There’s a ‘one size fits all’ attitude in this thread, and it’s totally out of touch with reality.

@sararh very well said

I'm suspicious that you drink once a week, sometimes a few drinks, sometimes getting bladdered, and have been doing this for 9 months since lockdown.

I know people will disagree but as someone who’s 2 years sober I personally find the whole discourse around whether someone is/isn’t an alcoholic really unhelpful and actually quite misleading. There’s a real need to put people in boxes where some ‘can’ drink and some ‘can’t’ rather than recognising that alcohol has had a negative effect on most people’s lives at some point or another (whether that’s a bad hangover or something much more devastating as in the OP’s situation).

I don’t think alcohol is terrible and that no one should drink it but I do think conversations about ‘alcoholics’ and trying to label who is/isn’t one often serve as a way for people to give themselves permission to keep drinking while declaring that other people ‘can’t’ because they’re alcoholics and are somehow wired differently.

OP, you don’t need anyone here to tell you whether or not you should keep drinking and if you’re confident that you can keep it under control then fair enough but I personally don’t think it’s helpful to think of it in such black and white terms as ‘being an alcoholic’ and then ‘being cured’. Accept that alcohol has the potential to be a dangerous thing for you (and indeed for anyone) and keep an eye on your relationship with it, rather than making it a yes/no situation for yourself.

Only cure for alcoholism = no alcohol. Discussing cures for alcoholism and still drinking = alcoholic.

As a child of an alcoholic with an incredibly traumatic childhood and having known many drinkers that at various points declared themselves cured of alcohol I feel I can add something to this topic.

I have watch many drinkers including my parent say pretty much word for word what you have written OP. It normally starts that the person is teetotal, then drinking soft drinks in the pub (or place where they used to drink alcohol) because they are strong enough now and just miss the socialising (or whatever other excuse there is to put themselves into the situation of where they physically used to drink) it them becomes just one drink, again they can control this and its no problem as they are really truly cured of alcohol. They are absolutely astonished at how cured they are and how alcohol means nothing to them anymore when it used to be so important because they can drink once a week or get pissed once and be fine the next time, it then becomes more regular and slowly, insidiously, the alcoholism takes over again.

It might take days, weeks, months and very rarely, years but unfortunately when it comes to alcohol unless you never touch another drop it will take over again.

It's the same as smoking that one fag when on a night out or only when drinking. You put all these conditions on when it is allowable and slowly the conditions expand.

You may think you are in control and for a while maybe you are but it will slowly creep back in and take over.

It's an unfortunate side effect of being a recovering alcoholic, drug taker or smoker that even though you used to enjoy it and you will always miss some parts of it, you can never do those things again, it's just the way it is and honestly until you can understand that then I would say you are still very much alcohol dependent, you are not a recovered or recovering alcoholic and you most certainly aren't 'cured'.

I do hope you manage to kick the alcohol indefinitely not just for your children but for you too. You deserve a great life without the alcohol hanging over you and all the grief and devastation it brings.

If a person finds they can drink safely again they were never an alcoholic in the first place
So many are labelled as alcoholic just because they drink too much - this alone does not make them alcoholic
An alcoholic is someone who has permanently lost the ability to choose
Many on here think they can label another an alcoholic but quite frankly they havent a Scooby unless they have been there

@Justcallmebebes

Only cure for alcoholism = no alcohol. Discussing cures for alcoholism and still drinking = alcoholic.

What does 'alcoholic' mean to you, though?

If a 60 year old had had an alcohol problem for 2 years when they were in their 20s, and ever since maintained 2 pints of beer a week when out with friends on a Friday night, would you seriously call them an alcoholic? Based on what?