To think I've cured my alcoholism?

[whenwewereyoung10]

I'm a 28 year old single mother. This time 2 years ago I was in the depths of despair, I was literally drinking all day everyday, from the moment I woke up until the time I went to bed. This time two years ago I was in my kitchen with a glass of red wine, vomiting on the floor whilst taking gulps of red wine in between.

I was ruining my life, I was missing work, losing weight at a rapid speed, ruining friendships and my ex had my daughter full time as I couldn't be trusted to have her.

In January 2019 I asked for help and got it, I started attending alcohol counselling, went on antidepressants and became sober. I sorted my life out, got my daughter back to me full time, started excelling in my job and got a promotion. The dark clouds shifted and genuinely life has been a real pleasure.

However, during lockdown I started drinking again. No real reason for it other than that I felt I had sorted my problems and was now able to drink.

It's been 9 months now and I drink around once a week, sometimes only one drink, sometimes getting bladdered. I've stuck to my rules, such as not drinking when my daughter is in the house, not drinking two nights in a row, not drinking in the mornings etc. And I truly feel like I can take or leave alcohol now.

It dawned on me last night when I was sitting down and had one Baileys and didn't even finish it that made me think how much my relationship with alcohol has changed. I would never have been able to have just the one Baileys 2 years ago, never mind not finishing it.

Yes I have been drunk a few times but has always been socially and I can go in between drinking without it even entering my mind when it used to be a struggle to get through an hour.

I usually would think that this was only short term and that inevitably my drinking would creep up once again, however, it's been 9 months now and no change. I can genuinely say I am happy with every aspect of my life, including my alcohol intake. I genuinely feel like a changed person.

AIBU to believe I have genuinely cured my alcoholism?

Hmmm well I do think alcoholism is a disease and I don’t think you can ‘cure it’.

However I do think there are people who self medicate with alcohol and when they get help e.g anti depressants/counselling may be able to drink....

I guess if I had had such a bad situation with alcohol I wouldn’t want to risk the potential for it to get out of control. It doesn’t seem worth it.

If you have drunk alcoholicly in the past (and you have) then there is an almost 100% certainty you will do so again.

Normal people, even in the grips of severe depression do not drink wine, throw up and keep drinking.

Alcoholics do. I know because I'm one. And I'm one today despite being sober because I cannot take or leave alcohol and I strongly suggest neither can you, whatever your current misplaced confidence tells you. It's your inner alcoholic telling you you can drink.

I too could not be trusted to look after DC. Now I'm totally trusted and have the majority of custody but I am under no illusions that I can drink like normal people. I used to suffer from depression - I now know that was because I'm an alcoholic, not the other way around.

I am powerless over alcohol (and willpower has NOTHING to do with it. I'm one of the most driven and successful people you'll ever meet). And with alcohol my life is unmanageable. This makes me an alcoholic. There is a cure to alcoholism and that's not picking up the first drink. I use AA to prevent this and to make me life a happy and sober life.

I hate to piss on your parade but with some years of sobriety and the shared experience of people I've met in recovery you are in denial and that only ends one way. And it's not sobriety.

I wish I could help you see but in suspect you'll just get angry with me.

@Frenchdressing

AA is just one model of alcohol management and is very much based on a medical model with alcoholism a life long addiction.

There are different ways to manage alcohol problems, not just total abstinence.

Yes. There's a lot of people with scars here who think that nobody with a precious alcohol problem can get it under control, because of 'what their dad did.'

There are patterns with alcohol abuse, but unless anybody thinks that all humans fit into the same patterns, we can't tar her with the same problems as 'your dad', or anybody else 'in your personal experience'.

I dare you to read Bills story and see if you see yourself and your rules in there.

https://www.aa.org/assets/enus/ennbigbookchapt1.pdf

OP if you do come back, this thread wasn't toxic- it was full of people who drink like you who have also seen how dark it can get and want you to stop talking risks with your daughters life and to accept that reality that if you can take or leave it, then leave it. Please.

It might be a nice thought,if you think you have cured being an alcoholic, but you have to abstain from alcohol for a very long time to say such things. If depression causes you to drink, then that has to be addressed firstly. Some very serious thinking has to be done if you are an alcoholic, and the realisation of what it does to your mind and body, and also how it affects those around you.

I think you've done really well to get to where you are now. Maintaining self control is hard, whether it's alcohol, food or toxic relationships. Onwards and upwards OP!

I’m about to start my journey, but my addiction isn’t drink it’s codeine. I’m sick of visiting different pharmacies up and down my area to buy nurofen plus. It’s costing me a fortune plus it’s not doing my insides any good. I’m already very anaemic because of this. Addiction is a horrible thing, people don’t understand how you feel and that urge. You need to be strong. You are doing great. Keep going snd don’t look back!

Also in my experience SMART meetings were worse than useless because the did t use words like alcoholic.

Multiple near death experiences, cirrhosis, liver failure, rehab and AA knocked that out of me. I used to try and control my drinking. And all of my I will nevers became I will never again, became I know no other way to live.

Alcoholism is a killer disease. And it tells you you don't have it.

It is nothing like giving up smoking!! I wish.

@cdtaylornats

Why are people so confident that alcohol is the one addiction you cannot cure. People lose addictions to smoking and gambling all the time.

But don’t then take up social smoking or occasional gambling because they know it’s a slippery slope.

Having a family member who, after being a functioning alcoholic, was sober for several years, but then convinced themselves they could just have one or two to be sociable, I can confirm that they did indeed manage that for several months. They now are not even a functioning alcoholic. They are either shaking so much before their first drink they can’t even hold a pen to write their own name or totally legless. It’s heartbreaking.

I'm sorry to say, but you are skewing the reality to suit an addiction narrative. If you were in control, you wouldn't be drinking at all. This is how addiction works. It's a cruel and clever disease. My sister died at a young age from alcohol addiction, and left a trail of heartache. Please get yourself to AA or some kind of support organisation, before it's too late. I wish you the very best.

I know an alcoholic. He hasn't had a drink for about 20 years. He knows he cant pick up so much as one glass of wine ever again. Its not negative and toxic to disagree with you and I fear you are looking for validation

I think everyone’s different and alcohol dependency can also be a symptom of an issue as well as the cause of problems.

There was a Johann Hari talk (and possibly a book?) a few years ago proposing that ‘the opposite of addiction is connection’. One piece of research cited was that of lab rats given access to heroin – ones in shitty conditions became addicted, others in pleasant surroundings with strong social and familial networks tended to ignore it.

Alcohol is also very physically addictive and can become a self-perpetuating habit for anyone if you do it frequently. It alters the environment and population of your gut microbiome to favour bacteria that ‘crave’ more alcohol.

A few years ago I used to drink quite a lot and similarly would struggle to stop once I’d started. Nowadays my life is a lot more settled (doing a few one month breaks also helped break the physical dependency on alcohol and develop new habits) as day I drink infrequently and can take it or leave it. When I do drink I will often just have one glass of something that I enjoy but might forget to finish.

I’m sure there are some people who never really lose the propensity for alcohol addiction and excessive, life-ruinous levels of drinking. Likewise, I’m sure there are others for whom the problem is situational and who are able to develop a healthier relationship with alcohol without requiring complete abstinence (although given how insidiously addictive alcohol can be I think a lot of people do find it easier to just give up entirely).

Well done OP, glad you’re in a better place and have found something that works for you.

It’s so sad you are choosing alcohol over your daughter and the risk of losing her again. You cannot know that you won’t ever slip back into it when you’re drinking very regularly now...you are not cured. Anything could happen, a death in the family, something that really knocks you and you’re already drinking. You don’t know how you’ll cope in that situation and you’re making the risks even higher by continuing to drink as you are. If you truly feel you are cured why wouldn’t you just not drink for the sake of your daughter? Pool girl

Hi OP, in case you return to your thread - I'm afraid I'm another recovering alcoholic who doesn't think it's possible to be "cured" of it. I had two years once where I didn't touch a drop and thought great, I wasn't an alcoholic after all, so every now and then I can choose to have one or two drinks. Such is the nature of alcoholism that it tricks your mind into believing that you control it, rather than it controlling you.

I've been sober with AA for many years now and I do appreciate that it doesn't suit everyone. However, part of the big book that I quoted a few weeks ago on another thread: "the idea that someday, somehow he (the alcoholic) will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death".

I know that I can't have one drink again. I'm more than happy to accept that - the consequences of that one drink are simply too unpredictable to risk it.

To be honest OP I've been where you are right now with various addictions, and it never ends well. Sure you can control it, for a while. But once you allow that substance back into your life it starts working its addictive ways on your brain again. Some people have brains that are prone to addiction. Others don't. Its not a weakness or a moral failing, it's just the way it is. In my opinion, those of us who have addictive brains are kidding ourselves when we tell ourselves we can behave like 'normal people' around addictive substances. We're setting up our neurological pathways for failure.

Sorry OP but I think you're building walls around your drinking to make it okay. It's a house of cards. Remember, there is such a thing as a functional alcoholic. It's still an insidious disease.

You might be able to handle your emotions right now, but what about the next time you can't? Are you honestly telling us that you wouldn't turn to a bottle when 1. you're regularly drinking anyway, 2. that means you probably have it in the house.

SIL is an alcoholic. There are a lot of people in DH's family who refuse to accept the severity of her addiction issues and will make out that the "regular" drinking patterns she's followed before relapses are okay because they don't want to accept the reality of it. She has always relapsed and she no longer has custody of her kids.

I am quite similar! I have only read to page 3 but I don’t agree that you cannot learn to moderate successfully.

I used to be a problem drinker, not be able to stop drinking when I was drunk, drinking too much etc - being sick from drinking too much, once falling asleep on a bus and waking up in the arse end of nowhere which was horrible and I feared socialising sober. So I underwent 3 years of complete abstinence and now I drink moderately and I too can take or leave it. I am happy to be the designated driver, happy to have a drink or not have a drink and I never want a drink if I am sad or stressed or low. I genuinely think it’s because I just grew out of an immature attitude to alcohol in my twenties. At the time it shored up my undeveloped character and self esteem, which I don’t need any more and now if I want a great white burgundy with a good meal or a glass of something chilled in the garden in the sun, I’ll have it. I have not had a hangover since I had my sabbatical from alcohol and I really enjoy wine now.

It’s not a popular belief that you can just grow out of a shit booze habit, but I did. I appreciate others may not be able to.

Slightly different scenario but speaking from the POV of a smoker....every time I’ve stopped in the past I’ve got to the stage where I think I can have a fag with a drink etc but it’s a slippery slope. I’m still a smoker though have got it down from about 30 a day to less than 10. Like you I have ‘rules’ eg one in the morning when I get up but once I’m showered and dressed I won’t have any till I’ve finished work. My main motivation for that rule is that I work as a mental health nurse and feel I should act like a role model and not smell of cigarette smoke. I also don’t think I should have ‘fag breaks’ when colleagues don’t. So my 2nd fag is at 5pm to mark the end of the working day and I’ll have about 5 or 6 in the evenings.

I do really want to stop altogether and not kid myself I’m cured of my addiction. I’m still addicted it’s just more controlled now.

There are different ways to manage alcohol problems, not just total abstinence.

Frenchdressing could you enlarge on this?

It’s not a popular belief that you can just grow out of a shit booze habit, but I did. I appreciate others may not be able to

It's really not popular here, seemingly. In fact, you get shot down for even saying it might be possible. But it is.

@ResignYourself

I am quite similar! I have only read to page 3 but I don’t agree that you cannot learn to moderate successfully.

I used to be a problem drinker, not be able to stop drinking when I was drunk, drinking too much etc - being sick from drinking too much, once falling asleep on a bus and waking up in the arse end of nowhere which was horrible and I feared socialising sober. So I underwent 3 years of complete abstinence and now I drink moderately and I too can take or leave it. I am happy to be the designated driver, happy to have a drink or not have a drink and I never want a drink if I am sad or stressed or low. I genuinely think it’s because I just grew out of an immature attitude to alcohol in my twenties. At the time it shored up my undeveloped character and self esteem, which I don’t need any more and now if I want a great white burgundy with a good meal or a glass of something chilled in the garden in the sun, I’ll have it. I have not had a hangover since I had my sabbatical from alcohol and I really enjoy wine now.

It’s not a popular belief that you can just grow out of a shit booze habit, but I did. I appreciate others may not be able to.

Did your drinking cause you to lose custody of your child?

If it did would you even risk it happening again just for the sake of a drink?

The most fervent ambition of every alcoholic is to be able to handle a few drinks. I've no doubt the OP will not come back. She wants to stay in denial so she has written this thread off as 'toxic'

@Spidey66

Slightly different scenario but speaking from the POV of a smoker....every time I’ve stopped in the past I’ve got to the stage where I think I can have a fag with a drink etc but it’s a slippery slope. I’m still a smoker though have got it down from about 30 a day to less than 10. Like you I have ‘rules’ eg one in the morning when I get up but once I’m showered and dressed I won’t have any till I’ve finished work. My main motivation for that rule is that I work as a mental health nurse and feel I should act like a role model and not smell of cigarette smoke. I also don’t think I should have ‘fag breaks’ when colleagues don’t. So my 2nd fag is at 5pm to mark the end of the working day and I’ll have about 5 or 6 in the evenings.

I do really want to stop altogether and not kid myself I’m cured of my addiction. I’m still addicted it’s just more controlled now.

You smoking 1 or 100 a day wouldn't risk you losing your child though would it? If you ended up smoking regularly again, knowing that you could potentially smoke more and more until you ended up smoking loads again, would you still light any up knowing the worst case scenario was losing custody of a child?

What does seem difficult to understand is there is a difference between a heavy drinker who drinks to much and can eventually through age and common sense moderate their drinking and the real alcoholic who has lost the ability to choose if they drink or not.

I didn’t have children when I drank too much in my twenties so can’t answer that but I can only say that in nearly 10 years since my abstinence I have had zero negative consequences. Not so much as a headache.

The reasons I drank before no longer exist. And everyone on here insists that no one can moderate. I can! In fact I don’t even think of it as moderating! I just enjoy a really good glass of wine with lunch or dinner when I’m in the mood for it. I never drink to excess, I don’t think about it much til I’m planning a good menu and want the booze to pair well with what I’m cooking for guests, and I don’t stress about alcohol. Maybe I’m the exception that proves the rule but it is not impossible!