To think I've cured my alcoholism?

[whenwewereyoung10]

I'm a 28 year old single mother. This time 2 years ago I was in the depths of despair, I was literally drinking all day everyday, from the moment I woke up until the time I went to bed. This time two years ago I was in my kitchen with a glass of red wine, vomiting on the floor whilst taking gulps of red wine in between.

I was ruining my life, I was missing work, losing weight at a rapid speed, ruining friendships and my ex had my daughter full time as I couldn't be trusted to have her.

In January 2019 I asked for help and got it, I started attending alcohol counselling, went on antidepressants and became sober. I sorted my life out, got my daughter back to me full time, started excelling in my job and got a promotion. The dark clouds shifted and genuinely life has been a real pleasure.

However, during lockdown I started drinking again. No real reason for it other than that I felt I had sorted my problems and was now able to drink.

It's been 9 months now and I drink around once a week, sometimes only one drink, sometimes getting bladdered. I've stuck to my rules, such as not drinking when my daughter is in the house, not drinking two nights in a row, not drinking in the mornings etc. And I truly feel like I can take or leave alcohol now.

It dawned on me last night when I was sitting down and had one Baileys and didn't even finish it that made me think how much my relationship with alcohol has changed. I would never have been able to have just the one Baileys 2 years ago, never mind not finishing it.

Yes I have been drunk a few times but has always been socially and I can go in between drinking without it even entering my mind when it used to be a struggle to get through an hour.

I usually would think that this was only short term and that inevitably my drinking would creep up once again, however, it's been 9 months now and no change. I can genuinely say I am happy with every aspect of my life, including my alcohol intake. I genuinely feel like a changed person.

AIBU to believe I have genuinely cured my alcoholism?

I have been there and don that op.

You are deluding yourself and you know me it.

The only level of alcohol safe for an ex alcoholic to have is zero.

You will lose your daughter again.

@forsucksfake the complete rejection of the idea that people who have once abused alcohol are no longer able to control their intake is startling.

I've said in previous posts that the OP should not think of herself as 'cured' as this will lead to complacency. However, she doesn't necessarily need to think of herself as permanently damaged, either.

I understand why people will read this and think 'enabler!' but there are many ways to manage addiction, and this thread largely ignores them all in favour of complete abstinence. I'm representing the other side, and feeling the heat for doing so.

@sararh are you qualified in this area?

@sararh I understand that you believe that non-abstinence models work. I personally don't know a single soul one had worked for, but I am willing to concede that it is possible.

Neither of us knows the OP and whether an alternative to abstinence would work for her.

But if she claims not to need alcohol, if she claims that abstaining is easy, why would she as a problem drinker/alcoholic ever bother with alcohol again? And why would you actively encourage it?

[quote Givingitamiss]@sararh are you qualified in this area?[/quote]
No.

@forsucksfake - exactly, neither of us know. And yet the thread is full of people declaring that the best and only thing to do is to stop completely. Anyone suggesting otherwise is a deviant with malicious intentions.

It isn't that simple. Saying 'just stop entirely or you don't love your daughter enough' isn't necessarily helpful and could very easily backfire and send OP on a downward spiral.

@sararh No one has characterised you as deviant or malicious, just inexperienced. Perhaps this is an academic exercise to you.

You still haven't answered my very valid Q: Would you have the same attitude to prescription drug/cocaine abuse?

Those of us with experience of alcohol abuse are simply erring (perhaps) on the side of caution. Why would anyone disagree with that? If alcohol is unnecessary and a problem for you, why would you ever want to mess with it again?

Another Q: Do you believe alcohol is less addictive or less dangerous than prescription drugs or cocaine?

And no one here has written "stop drinking or you don't love your daughter". No one.

And again, no words written here are "making" the OP do anything. You are responsible for your own actions if you decide to get "bladdered".

I’m qualified inasmuch as I worked in a community drug and alcohol team a few years ago. I think @sarah has a point. Abstinence works for many but there are other ways to support people with drug and alcohol problems.i think that’s pretty much all she was saying.

But @sararh while some people can have alcohol issues and then in the longer term have a healthy relationship with it, OP is only a few years into 'recovery' and isn't abstaining despite the high stakes. If you replace alcohol for drugs, it's easier I think to understand why people are so shocked at her drinking again (in an unhealthy way) so soon and not seeing an issue with it...

Parent has child taken out of their care due to drug use. Let's use cocaine as an example.

Parent stops taking drugs and child returns to live with them.

Parent begins taking cocaine when child is out of the house, sometimes binging on it, within a year or two of child returning.

Parent claims to have cured themselves of drug addiction and say they can take coke or leave it, that it's not hard to say no to it and they don't really get much out of it.

But they still choose to continue taking cocaine despite the risk of relapse, the consequence of which would be losing their child ahead.

The parent therefore must consider the risk to be worth the reward, even though the reward is apparently not even that great.

@sararh right

I'm not qualified either but I do have experience in the area personally (not myself) and I've also done hours of reading around the subject.

I know you are trying to offer the OP a different view but actually all you are doing is offering a chance to carry on drinking in the future. The holy grail for problematic drinkers.

Moderation may work for a small minority but the vast majority will need to abstain.

@forsucksfake

People certainly have written the equivalent of 'stop drinking or you don't love your daughter enough' (I said enough, you removed it). They have said things like 'isn't your daughter worth more than a Bailey's', very directly insinuating the if OP has a Bailey's, alcohol is more important to her than her daughter, ergo her love for her daughter isn't enough to stop her drinking.

I do have experience with alcohol abuse, I don't know why you think I don't. I presume it's because I've come to a different conclusion.

I'm not sure how to answer your question - alcohol is less dangerous than some prescription drugs and more dangerous than others. It is more dangerous than cocaine (unless the cocaine is cut with something dangerous or the user is uninformed). I don't know what you're asking me.

@sararh
You and the OP share a problem with honesty and straight talk unfortunately, so I will bow out here.

@MrsBrunch

OP the fact that you have rules around drinking just illustrates how you are trying to control it. Normal drinkers don't need rules. You are not cured. What you chose to do with that information is up to you.

This.

Plus you're justifying to the max on here. You've asked if you're being unreasonable and lots have said you are and you're arguing/justifying the drinking.

I am also surprised you are getting bladdered at all. That isn't controlled.

You've done so well. You say you don't need drink. So don't drink.

[quote sararh]@TomatoCultivator lots of moderation management programs out there, very brief intro to what they are available here:

www.alcohol.org/treatment-types/moderation-management/[/quote]
Thank you for that link sararh.

I have to say I’m not convinced that alcoholics can go back to social drinking. If it was that easy then they’d do it.
Also just because someone is a trained medic doesn’t mean to say they give good advice about addiction and alcoholism.
Years ago my family had an intervention with my alcoholic family and my mother had enlisted the help of a popular and highly regarded GP. This doctor just proceeded to blame all of us for my father’s drinking which was singularly unhelpful. (Though obviously there’s no guarantee that interventions will help no matter what advice is given)

@sararh

OP isn’t talking about moderating herself and having a glass of wine with dinner. She was very honest and said she may get “bladdered” once a week. This was all information volunteered by OP when she initially posted. It’s the getting bladdered that’s a warning sign.

Drink is not worth the risk. Being able to have one or two drinks a week and occasionally get pissed isn't worth the risk.

You are playing Russian roulette. My Dad was an alcoholic who managed to give up when I was 21. It was too late, he'd ruined his health, my childhood and his own self-respect.

I inadvertently married an alcoholic, albeit a much more functional and less ruinous one. 10 years into our relationship with three kids, we both sort of woke up to his drinking. He stopped drinking two years ago and I was bloody grateful. His alcohol dependent Father still drinks and wastes an enormous amount of time explaining his 'rules' which change every three months or so. He is irritating to be around.

I would have left my husband if he hadn't stopped and I would have been very sure my kids did too.

@georgiamacklemore What experience do you have of alcoholism?