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Original poster

To think I've cured my alcoholism?

268 replies

whenwewereyoung10 · 26/12/2020 12:53

I'm a 28 year old single mother. This time 2 years ago I was in the depths of despair, I was literally drinking all day everyday, from the moment I woke up until the time I went to bed. This time two years ago I was in my kitchen with a glass of red wine, vomiting on the floor whilst taking gulps of red wine in between.

I was ruining my life, I was missing work, losing weight at a rapid speed, ruining friendships and my ex had my daughter full time as I couldn't be trusted to have her.

In January 2019 I asked for help and got it, I started attending alcohol counselling, went on antidepressants and became sober. I sorted my life out, got my daughter back to me full time, started excelling in my job and got a promotion. The dark clouds shifted and genuinely life has been a real pleasure.

However, during lockdown I started drinking again. No real reason for it other than that I felt I had sorted my problems and was now able to drink.

It's been 9 months now and I drink around once a week, sometimes only one drink, sometimes getting bladdered. I've stuck to my rules, such as not drinking when my daughter is in the house, not drinking two nights in a row, not drinking in the mornings etc. And I truly feel like I can take or leave alcohol now.

It dawned on me last night when I was sitting down and had one Baileys and didn't even finish it that made me think how much my relationship with alcohol has changed. I would never have been able to have just the one Baileys 2 years ago, never mind not finishing it.

Yes I have been drunk a few times but has always been socially and I can go in between drinking without it even entering my mind when it used to be a struggle to get through an hour.

I usually would think that this was only short term and that inevitably my drinking would creep up once again, however, it's been 9 months now and no change. I can genuinely say I am happy with every aspect of my life, including my alcohol intake. I genuinely feel like a changed person.

AIBU to believe I have genuinely cured my alcoholism?

OP posts:
Ohtherewearethen · 26/12/2020 13:36

To be honest it sounds very much like you're trying to convince yourself that you are 'cured'/over it/in control but I think that you are on very, very thin ice. I don't think any of us are being negative to be spiteful or take anything away from your achievements so far but I think this is far from over. You will be a recovering alcoholic for many, many years yet, possibly even for the rest of your life.

BonnieDundee · 26/12/2020 13:38

I think you're playing Russian roulette. It will be so easy to slip back. Give it up altogether for your daughter. You know how bad.it can be. Why would you want to risk going back there?

TryingnottobeWaynettaSlob · 26/12/2020 13:39

I think you have done absolutely amazingly to get this far we’ll done OP!!! Just make sure you don’t drink too much in the week now keep to once a week and if you start wanting to do it more go back to t total. You’ve don’t it once you can do it again! 💪

readingismycardio · 26/12/2020 13:41

I have no experience with alcohol, however I do have with smoking (normal cigarettes). I quit for 8 solid months, then "just" one cigarette was enough to trigger me and go back to full smoking (about 5-10 a day). I can't trust myself. It's either 0 or 5. Once a smoker, always a smoker. I assume it's the same with alcohol.

Original poster
whenwewereyoung10 · 26/12/2020 13:45

Well this is not the outcome I thought it would be. Hmm food for thought.

OP posts:
Tal45 · 26/12/2020 13:45

Personally I really don't think it's a theory that's worth testing.

RedHelenB · 26/12/2020 13:46

I think drinking alone is a slippery slope. If you had a rule of just 2 glasses or sonething when you were socialising maybe, but the fact you're doing it at home seems more worrying and more like it will become habit.

ClareBlue · 26/12/2020 13:46

You say you can take it or leave it. Best to leave it then. Everyone will tell you the risks are just too high.

Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 26/12/2020 13:47

Well done keep being vigilant and work out what works best for you. For now it seems like your relationship with alcohol is generally good but be prepared for that to change and when it does you will need to adapt.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 13:47

Denial is the cornerstone of alcoholism.

MispyM · 26/12/2020 13:50

Well I was thinking more along the lines of perhaps I was drinking due to depression and now that I'm not depressed I don't feel that need to drink like I did anymore.

It seems possible. That you didn't actually have alcoholism...

It also sounds like you're aware of the risks. So the big question is... Is it actually worth it?

I could see being able to have a drink on social occasions. But drinking when you're alone (even if responsibly) sets off alarm bells if I'm being perfectly honest.

Sobeyondthehills · 26/12/2020 13:50

I agree with PP, you don't need to drink, the fact you are because of the buzz you get indicates that you haven't cured it, you are on here trying to justify it and I can't believe for a second that any good parent is fine with their ex who has full custody of their child starting to drink again, when they were as bad and you say were

Umbridge34 · 26/12/2020 13:52

[quote whenwewereyoung10]@Umbridge34 yes my ex knows and he also is able to spot my behaviour if it's slipping. My family know, no one is worried as they can see how well I'm doing. It's fairly obvious when I slip up so it's fairly obvious when I am doing well. I will never lose my daughter again and she has no idea I am drinking once every while. [/quote]
Regardless of what they say to your face I guarantee your family were/are on tenterhooks once you revealed you'd started drinking again.
Sorry if that sounds negative but I'm the daughter of an addict and have worked with addicts and families professionally. They may well tell you they're not worried but either they're lying or are incredibly naive to the realities of addiction.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2020 13:52

It's been 9 months now and I drink around once a week, sometimes only one drink, sometimes getting bladdered. I've stuck to my rules, such as not drinking when my daughter is in the house, not drinking two nights in a row, not drinking in the mornings etc. And I truly feel like I can take or leave alcohol now.

But you're a 28 year old woman who still gets 'bladdered'.

And what does 'around' once a week mean? It's the 'around' part that can be the slippery slope.

A bit like a very heavy smoker declaring they're only smoking 'around' once a week. How long do you think that'd last for them?

If you can take it or leave it, then leave it completely as alcohol is not for you I'm afraid.

Gazelda · 26/12/2020 13:52

Why would you risk the recovery you've worked so hard for, the pride you should be feeling at your sobriety and the chance of losing your DC?

All for the sake of a glass of something with some nibbles, or the tradition of having a drink with Christmas lunch, or a buzz when you fancy.

Honestly, OP, is any of that worth the risk of falling back into your darkest days and everything important to you including your child?

MispyM · 26/12/2020 13:53

(have alcoholism sounds weird. I mean to say that it seems potentially possible. But I'd be very wary.)

If you can indeed take it or leave it: please leave it. For your daughter.

I'm not an alcoholic but have a family history of "functioning" (bit of a joke, but whatever) alcoholism.

Drinking alone sets so many alarm bells off tbh.

SnowyZoey · 26/12/2020 13:53

This isn’t how addiction works.

Stop now while you still can.

Stop asking MN to enable you.

Surely your recovery is more important than this?

Clymene · 26/12/2020 13:55

I know people who have done this successfully. It's not a story that plays on MN though.

maddiemookins16mum · 26/12/2020 13:55

The only cure for alcoholism is not to drink AT ALL. I know that for a fact. I’m a recovering alcoholic, I do not drink at all as I cannot ‘just have one’ or ‘just at the weekends’. I used to binge on 2-3 bottles a night, several times a week. It was affecting my marriage.
I think you’re kidding yourself.

HavelockVetinari · 26/12/2020 13:55

Do you drink alone? If so that's definitely not healthy for a 'recovered' alcoholic. As PPs have said, it's the start of a slippery slope I'm afraid Sad

Knock it on the head now, for your sake and your daughter's.

Gogreengoblin · 26/12/2020 13:56

@QueenieMum

Sadly I too think you're deluding yourself. Saying you just won't drink when you're depressed is a dangerous mindset as you might not even be aware you're becoming depressed until you're quite low.

You are allowing alcohol to still be an option. Great that you've had treatment that has worked for you and helped you to a better place emotionally but life isn't static and your emotional reaction to life may change too.

Please stop while you can and don't start again. You owe it to yourself to stay healthy & well. Talk to other recovering alcoholics if you can or an alcohol advice service for a reality check. Please.

I agree.
invisibleoldwoman · 26/12/2020 13:56

I have been alcohol free for 10 years. No way will I risk having even one drink. I have heard too many stories from people who thought they could start drinking again like normal people. It always ended badly. The only way to cure alcoholism imo is by not taking the first drink.

You may be the exception who can handle it but I wouldn’t take the risk.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2020 13:57

And I agree with Umbridge34 .

Of course your family are worried whenever they know you're drinking, less than a year ago you couldn't even look after your daughter.

I'm sorry OP, you've done amazingly but you really run the risk of undoing it all and putting your daughter through more heartache and misery, not to mention yourself Thanks

sararh · 26/12/2020 13:58

OP, I have a slightly differing view from some others in this thread.

Although I am inclined to agree that alcoholism can’t be ‘cured’ in the sense that you are now no longer at risk of relapse (I think the risk will always be there), I do not agree that you have to reduce your alcohol consumption down to 0.

For some recovering alcoholics this might be the case, for others it won’t be, and it’s not possible to know which category you fall into without being able to see the future. You could very well fall into the latter category and be able to maintain a healthy relationship with alcohol going forward.

I think the key is to keep checking in with yourself, maybe write down in a notebook every single drink you have each day to check you aren’t ‘forgetting’ any or underestimating your consumption. Even if you only have half a glass of wine, write that down.

I would also add my voice to the chorus of people advising you not to think of yourself as ‘cured’. You’ve done brilliantly getting your life and drinking under control, and now you have to manage them going forward.

Umbridge34 · 26/12/2020 13:59

@Clymene

I know people who have done this successfully. It's not a story that plays on MN though.
Its not a story that plays anywhere.... you may well know people that have managed this. But they are an incredibly rare exception to the rule.
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