To think I've cured my alcoholism?

[whenwewereyoung10]

I'm a 28 year old single mother. This time 2 years ago I was in the depths of despair, I was literally drinking all day everyday, from the moment I woke up until the time I went to bed. This time two years ago I was in my kitchen with a glass of red wine, vomiting on the floor whilst taking gulps of red wine in between.

I was ruining my life, I was missing work, losing weight at a rapid speed, ruining friendships and my ex had my daughter full time as I couldn't be trusted to have her.

In January 2019 I asked for help and got it, I started attending alcohol counselling, went on antidepressants and became sober. I sorted my life out, got my daughter back to me full time, started excelling in my job and got a promotion. The dark clouds shifted and genuinely life has been a real pleasure.

However, during lockdown I started drinking again. No real reason for it other than that I felt I had sorted my problems and was now able to drink.

It's been 9 months now and I drink around once a week, sometimes only one drink, sometimes getting bladdered. I've stuck to my rules, such as not drinking when my daughter is in the house, not drinking two nights in a row, not drinking in the mornings etc. And I truly feel like I can take or leave alcohol now.

It dawned on me last night when I was sitting down and had one Baileys and didn't even finish it that made me think how much my relationship with alcohol has changed. I would never have been able to have just the one Baileys 2 years ago, never mind not finishing it.

Yes I have been drunk a few times but has always been socially and I can go in between drinking without it even entering my mind when it used to be a struggle to get through an hour.

I usually would think that this was only short term and that inevitably my drinking would creep up once again, however, it's been 9 months now and no change. I can genuinely say I am happy with every aspect of my life, including my alcohol intake. I genuinely feel like a changed person.

AIBU to believe I have genuinely cured my alcoholism?

I’m really sorry OP, but I’m concerned your treading a dangerous path. Vomiting on the floor and drinking red wine in between by no means sounds like you were just in a depression.

What happens the next time your life takes an unexpected turn and you are back in a depression again? I think suddenly you will find that just 1 is no longer enough.

I feel so sad for the OP and her daughter. This is such an obvious case of delusional thinking, and the chances of this continued behaviour ending well is so slight it’s near to impossible. OO can’t see that she is still drinking and still making excuses. The reality is she couldn’t care for her child and stood to lose her. That she is going anywhere near something that has the potential for that to happen again is just ridiculous.

OP, people are commenting here because they get it. It’s not being negative. Most of us have dealt with relatives who have had drinking problems. We’ve seen how often what you are doing ends in tears. Please stop.

Why are people so confident that alcohol is the one addiction you cannot cure. People lose addictions to smoking and gambling all the time.

Wow that’s denial in action! ‘Negative and toxic’?!

There’s a saying in AA that goes something like ... when you’re in your AA meeting, your addiction is doing press-ups outside.

Be very careful OP. All alcoholics would like to think they can control their intake of alcohol. You clearly can’t. As someone said upthread, this is textbook.

People lose addictions to smoking and gambling all the time

Yes, by stopping 🙄

@cdtaylornats

Why are people so confident that alcohol is the one addiction you cannot cure. People lose addictions to smoking and gambling all the time.

They may well do by stopping - not doing it in moderation You cannot compare smoking with alcoholism Alcohol will take you to the depths of insanity smoking cigarettes does not do this

People lose addictions to smoking and gambling all the time

If someone was still smoking or still gambling you wouldn't say they had kicked their habit, the op is still drinking

My father was an alcoholic and it had wide ranging impact on our family life and relationships.

Do not underestimate the consequences of drinking for you - you could lose your child, and /or permanently damage her.

Is a glass of wine/ baileys really worth that?

Trying to regulate alcohol intake when you are an addict is always a risk. Personally, if I were you I would stay teetotal.

And be careful of other substances too....

You will always have an alcoholic tendency but it is possible to get through withdrawal, etc, on your own and not drink again. It certainly does sound as though you no longer need it. Well done you.

People often mistake frequent binge drinking for alcoholism. The effects can be the same but binging is easier to conquer.

Good luck.

Try Smart meetings, useful.They dont use terminology like alcoholic.

My ex-husband died of alcoholism.

I think you are kidding yourself.

I really hope I’m wrong.

@HopeClearwater

People lose addictions to smoking and gambling all the time

Yes, by stopping 🙄

I gave up smoking about 15 years ago. I now have the odd one, if I happen to be in conducive circumstances. I probably smoke about 4 cigarettes a year.

Where do I fit on your continuum of 'you either do or you don't'?

I wonder OP - does your ex know you have resumed the habit? How do your family feel about it etc? Or does no one know and you are keeping it secret from them?

Please. Tell me this a joke post? If you are still drinking then you are an alcoholic. If you went to AA meetings you would be told that to cure it means you never drink again. I actually feel sorry for your kids.

@jessstan1

People often mistake frequent binge drinking for alcoholism. The effects can be the same but binging is easier to conquer

Binge drinking is alcoholism. Alcoholism is any kind of repeated and disordered relationship with alcohol.

A big well done on your efforts and positive and open attitude. I hope things just get better and better for you.

This thread is very troubling. When you know you have a problematic relationship to alcohol, why would you consider drinking at all? You managed to quit and then “for no real reason” started drinking again. There is a reason for it, whether you admit it or not. But in any case you are playing with fire.

The fact that you are drinking regularly now, including sometimes getting “bladdered,” is very concerning given your very recent problematic drinking. Have you been getting drunk alone? Drinking to excess is worrying under any circumstances, but particularly so if it’s happening regularly when you’re on your own.

And your defensive reaction to the responses on this thread indicates that you are trying to convince yourself that everything is fine. But perhaps you know deep down that you’re on a dangerous path.

Another adult child of an alcoholic here. The amount of times I heard my dad say he had it under control... you are only lying to yourself, those around you can see the truth of the situstion. My childhood was ruined by alcohol and drug addicted parents, and it has devastating consequences that carry on into my adult life. You are choosing alcohol over your child, and my only sympathy is for her.

AA is just one model of alcohol management and is very much based on a medical model with alcoholism a life long addiction.

There are different ways to manage alcohol problems, not just total abstinence.

Alcoholism actually has very little to do with alcohol itself It is a disease that affects the sufferers mentally physically and spiritually only the real alcoholic in recovery has little hope of understanding this

Haven’t rtft but by skimming I think I’m going against the grain to think it could be possible to make such a change...

I have a family member who went through many many years of alcohol dependency. It was day drinking wine, pottering around the house, always a glass in her hand by 12pm. Never really drank in the evening, limited social drinking. But absolutely could not go a day without wine and would get pissed by tea time, eat a huge crappy dinner then fall asleep. This went on for a good few years, very emotion, some awful behaviour. Would say “oh I know I’m not an alcoholic because I don’t get drunk and I don’t drink in the evening” but was absolutely a functioning alcoholic (she became a lot less functioning as time went on - reclusive, emotionally abusive, depressed and so on)

Well fast forward a few years, had a health scare and the day she left the doctors surgery she went home and poured all the wine away. Lost 5 stone and stayed sober.
She does have the odd social glass of wine on Xmas etc but actually will bring her own low alcohol wine to family events. It’s been coming on 7 years. Never slipped, never been tempted. Drinks very little and can honestly take or leave it.

So yes it can be done. But a crucial part of the story is that she also had intense psychotherapy for a year during this time. She dealt with a huge amount of childhood baggage and really worked on her demons. She changed her whole life really - the dependency on alcohol came from not having dealt with some real shit, once she faced it and began to heal she was able to lose that dependency.

It’s just anecdotal and I’m sure there are far far more stories of people who do relapse or who can never be around alcohol again. But it’s not the only story.

Sorry, I just noticed you said the times you’ve been drunk have been on social occasions. Nevertheless it’s a troubling pattern. I really hope you find a way out of this destructive situation.

I wouldn't feel I'd cured alcoholism if my once a week drinking involved 'sometimes getting bladdered'. I know a man who was an out of control alcoholic who brought his drinking down to one G&T a day because he felt that meant he was controlling the alcohol, whereas with teetotalism, it's the alcohol controlling him. I would describe him as cured, but it is so easy to slide gradually into bad habits and only realise when it's too late.

I’m a recovering alcoholic. To me the fact that you are prioritising alcohol over your daughter, your health and the comfort of your family shows that you still have a very disordered relationship with alcohol. Please consider seeking further support now before you cause significant damage to yourself or your child.

Your post here is all the evidence you need of an ongoing problem with alcohol. No ordinary social drinker would do this.

Normal social drinkers do not have rules about their alcohol consumption.

Normal social drinkers do not have a history of alcohol abuse.

Alcoholics are notorious for thinking they are special and have beaten their addiction.

You are a very ordinary alcoholic.

If you can take it or leave it, why aren't you leaving it?

You are kidding yourself. There is no reason on earth for you to ever touch alcohol again and every reason for you to leave it alone. Alcohol is not for you, no matter how much you try to convince yourself you've got it under control. Spare your child the massive heartache that is looming and admit you are an alcoholic with no control over alcohol and ABSTAIN.

Ultimately, you are the only person who can decide what to do. Just know your decisions have affected and will affect your child for life.