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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be super upset. Travelled from a safe list country

221 replies

starrain · 26/12/2020 12:00

Iv just come back from a country yesterday which is on the safe list and has less cases than the uk. My pregnant sister lives with my mum and I wanted to go and see them today as my daughter is itching to see them and my niece.
Iv kind of been warned off and told dont come because iv been travelling and be cautious. But there is no where on the govt rules to quarantine or isolate after travelling from this country. My mum said she doesnt mind but my sister most likely does mind but won't just come out and say it. I kinda get it but at the same time I'm actually so so upset. I had got them gifts and was going to give them and also my daughter got all ready to meet them now I have to tell her no:(

OP posts:
Blabla81 · 26/12/2020 14:27

You mention your mum has arthritis. My mum does too, and her medication means she has next to no immune system. Is your mum on similar meds? Is she on the vulnerable list?

BrieAndChilli · 26/12/2020 14:28

You saying they are just as likely to catch it going shopping
You need to think of it like this:
In a normal month a person has say for example 100 points of contact. That could be shopping, going for a meal, meeting friends, kids having a play date, going to a museum, going to the cinema etc all places they will come into contact with strangers/people who don’t live in thier home.
The point of restrictions and lockdowns is to minimize the amount of contacts you have. No-one will really be able to get to 0 as even if you have shopping delivered there is a risk there.
So going food shopping/doctors etc are all necessary contacts but my cancelling all other outings and meetings you can then get your monthly contacts down to 5or 6

So it’s not a case of saying well that person went to the shops so what’s the difference in meeting a family member or going to the park etc. You are right that there’s probably not a huge amount of difference in risk but that person is choosing to have that weeks contact going shopping for essential food and supplies rather than doubling thier contact by shopping which they have to do AND meeting you.

Pickle2828 · 26/12/2020 14:29

YABU

INeedtomovenow · 26/12/2020 14:31

I'm pregnant and wouldn't want you anywhere near me. Stop being selfish

coldwaterfeed · 26/12/2020 14:36

There is no such thing as a 'safe' country. If I had just travelled on an incubator plane, I wouldn't expose vulnerable relatives to myself for at least 2 weeks.

ChristmasAlone · 26/12/2020 14:37

She's pregnant you've just travelled through one of the locations with the highest risk of transmission - regardless of whether you have come from a country with lower infection numbers.

Book a PCR Test get the result go see them. Problem solved.

cameocat · 26/12/2020 14:38

I am sorry but you must have realised before you travelled their feelings? Just because the country you've travelled from is on the safe list doesn't mean you are safe, you've travelled through an airport etc which is therefore risky. I think your sister is being sensible.

Figgygal · 26/12/2020 14:39

I wouldn’t want you in my house either sorry

strawberrycherryblossom · 26/12/2020 14:42

Another pregnant woman who wouldn't touch you with a barge pole. If this year has taught us anything it's that no country is 'safe'. You may not be required to isolate on arrival in the UK but think about how many potential contacts you have had as you travelled through airports and on the plane.

You only have to look at how quickly France closed their borders on us and how quickly changes were made to travel from South Africa to see the risk. Tomorrow, a new strain of COVID might be identified in the country you came from. You literally have no idea what will happen with your 'safe country'.

To be honest I think any non essential travel abroad right now is foolish at best, dangerous at worst. I don't know why you would willingly put yourself in that position but do the decent thing, keep yourself to yourself for a bit and respect the fact your sister has said no.

dottiedodah · 26/12/2020 14:42

Why not meet Mum in the garden? Even for 10 /15 mins? Could keep your pressie under a tree outside maybe?

callmeadoctor · 26/12/2020 14:42

Think the OP has gone..................................

NameChange84 · 26/12/2020 14:45

I’d be uncomfortable at you putting me or my loved ones in this position, sorry.

I’m shielding and not even doing outdoor meet ups at the moment.

There’s no way I’d want to be around anyone who’d been on a plane/hanging around airports etc at the moment.

TeenageMutantNinjaCovid · 26/12/2020 14:48

You dont seem to understand:
Tier 3
Bubbles
How CV19 spreads and risks

HareHoo · 26/12/2020 14:50

My mum came back from a ‘safe’ country and came back with COVID. She was so careful to do all of the safety measures but it happens.
Driving at 70mph is allowed on a motorway but would you do it in the ice, even though it’s still allowed? Thought not!
Indoor meet ups aren’t allowed anywhere now or are they? I didn’t think there were any tier one areas left. Could be wrong and very happy to be corrected.

BewareTheBeardedFatMan · 26/12/2020 14:57

Your sister is pregnant - so if high risk, and by definition so is her unborn child.

You think your feelings are more important that her and her unborn baby's health and potentially lives? Seriously.

Stop being so bloody selfish.

RobinRedford · 26/12/2020 14:58

Your mum and sister are doing the sensible thing. If I were in thier shoes I’d feel the same.
Doesn’t matter if you’ve arrived back from a ‘safe’ country, you’ve Put yourself at extra risk. I’m also assuming that it was a holiday rather than essential travel.

Also the bubble thing like trollopollis states is not allowed as its not for childcare.

lljkk · 26/12/2020 15:00

I agree with OP that it doesn't make sense, but I'd let it go. You've only got to wait a few weeks. This is a weird time for many.

FinallyFluid · 26/12/2020 15:00

I was going to say you sound like a spoilt teen, but even my chomping at the bit (socially) teenager gets it, so being cognisant of that , I am not sure what age you are presenting as, but it is very young and very spoilt.

LuluJakey1 · 26/12/2020 15:02

Oh get a grip OP! There is a pandemic and people are worried. I wouldn't let anyone visit me who had been on planes and through airports. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Kimakima · 26/12/2020 15:04

I don’t blame your sister at all. You’re being unreasonable expecting anyone to want to mix with someone who has presumably been sat on a plane with hundreds of other people.

Posturesorposes · 26/12/2020 15:06

Their isn’t an OP.
The OP is an ex-OP.
The OP isn’t returning because
This didn’t happen.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 26/12/2020 15:12

The whole point of the bubble is that you meet the people within it and no one else.
No it isn't. The support bubble is the only person /people you don't have to social distance from. Of course you can meet other people, within the rules of your tier, as long as you distance from them. I have a support bubble, I'm also allowed to meet other people, outdoors in a public space, as long as it's one on one and we distance.

KaptainKaveman · 26/12/2020 15:16

@starrain

Iv just come back from a country yesterday which is on the safe list and has less cases than the uk. My pregnant sister lives with my mum and I wanted to go and see them today as my daughter is itching to see them and my niece. Iv kind of been warned off and told dont come because iv been travelling and be cautious. But there is no where on the govt rules to quarantine or isolate after travelling from this country. My mum said she doesnt mind but my sister most likely does mind but won't just come out and say it. I kinda get it but at the same time I'm actually so so upset. I had got them gifts and was going to give them and also my daughter got all ready to meet them now I have to tell her no:(
I kinda get it

Only 'kinda'? you must be a little...slow then, OP.

However, I agree with a pp that this probably didn't actually happen at all.

Rewis · 26/12/2020 15:22

My bf travelled to UK to visit family over the holidays. We live in a 'safe' country and it is free to travel to UK. He still self isolated in a hotel next to his hometown and after 8 days he went to get tested and waited for results before seeing his parents. That is the responsible thing to do.

Yes, it sucks and you are free to feel upset. However, just because you came from a safe country it does not mean it is risk free when traveling and your sister is evaluating personal risks.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 26/12/2020 15:34

whatever the definition of bubble, surely whomever you want or don't want in your bubble is by mutual consent?
Anyone in the bubble has a right to be unhappy with another's attitude to risk and whether that is acceptable to them - and if someone deems that your attitude to risk doesn't align with theirs, to tell you to stay away.