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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be super upset. Travelled from a safe list country

221 replies

starrain · 26/12/2020 12:00

Iv just come back from a country yesterday which is on the safe list and has less cases than the uk. My pregnant sister lives with my mum and I wanted to go and see them today as my daughter is itching to see them and my niece.
Iv kind of been warned off and told dont come because iv been travelling and be cautious. But there is no where on the govt rules to quarantine or isolate after travelling from this country. My mum said she doesnt mind but my sister most likely does mind but won't just come out and say it. I kinda get it but at the same time I'm actually so so upset. I had got them gifts and was going to give them and also my daughter got all ready to meet them now I have to tell her no:(

OP posts:
andyoldlabour · 26/12/2020 13:32

To the OP who says there are way more cases in the UK than any other country - we are currently in 40th place, behind - Hungary, Poland, Bosnia, Italy, Moldovia, Serbia, Portugal, Austria, Macedonia, France, Sweden, Spain, Netherlands, Lithuania, Switzerland, Croatia, Armenia, Belgium, Slovenia, Georgia, Czechia, Luxembourg, Montenegro, Andorra, - they are just the European ones.
That is based on cases per million/population.

www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/#countries

trollopolis · 26/12/2020 13:37

Following the post earlier in the thread, I have checked as Op lives with husband and 2 school aged DC.

She says her mother and pregnant sister live together.

That means the only bubble they could legally form would be a childcare one - and the trip she is proposing is not childcare, or something to provide essential care to someone (again not the purpose of this trip.

So yes, in tier 3 it would be illegal to meet indoors or in a private garden. You could meet, with appropriate distancing, in an outdoors public place. But obviously not if one or more of the people you want to meet does not want to meet you.

You can't just sling the word 'bubble' around as if it were a Get Out of Jail Free card in all circumstances.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2020 13:37

For all those doubting if this is real, the OP was asking for recommendations for long haul holidays for December no so long ago.

She made her choice, she also made that choice for her DC so she needs to accept and respect her sister's wishes.

m0therofdragons · 26/12/2020 13:39

I wouldn’t be meeting anyone who just spent time on a plane.

roastedpudding · 26/12/2020 13:44

If you've come back for a holiday then YABU, have you not noticed there is a global pandemic?

If you've just moved back here then self isolate and then see them.

Imelda03 · 26/12/2020 13:45

Two things :

why not meet virtually if your DD wants to see your DM and DS so much?

Why is your/DDs need to see them more important than your pregnant sisters/elderly mothers concern for their health???

In short, you went away, quarantine required or not, they are not in your bubble (that’s not true) and they’ve chosen caution which is their right.

Get a virtual meeting sorted and just enjoy your Christmas!

Fortherosesjoni70 · 26/12/2020 13:46

I kind of get why your family are wary. I think it isnt unreasonable considering your sister is pregnant.
Why not just go to hers and meet ouside if they have a garden?
If not, meet in a park?
I went to my mums on christmas eve. I took a flask of coffee for me and my dd's came. We met out in her garden and we exchanged presents. It wasnt perfect but this situation isnt perfect but its better than nothing.

Nomoresleeps · 26/12/2020 13:48

Didn’t all this occur to you when you booked a long haul holiday in December during a global pandemic? I can’t believe these potential issues didn’t cross your mind.

LeSangeEstDansLarbre · 26/12/2020 13:50

@HollyandIvyandallthingsYule

Do they have a garden? You could go see them and spend time distanced but close enough to chat, exchange gifts and have a different but hopefully still cosy Christmas visit.
Nope. Tier 3 can’t meet in private gardens, only in public open spaces.
SparkyTheCat · 26/12/2020 13:51

Of course you feel cross and sad at the situation OP, just as we all do when we can't have what we want. But you're also part of a much bigger picture, so please try to see that.

BrusselPout · 26/12/2020 13:51

Sorry OP but I wouldn't see anyone that has travelled internationally regardless of 'safe lists' because I personally see it as taking a completely unnecessary risk mixing with people from all over in airports/on planes etc.

Just because you can go abroad, doesn't mean it's a sensible thing to do at the moment and I'd question what other unnecessary risks that person may have taken. I don't want to control what other people do as it's their choice. But it's equally my choice not to see them as a result

Mydogmylife · 26/12/2020 13:55

@Tal45

If the sister and mum live together they are one household. If she is a single parent she is allowed to form a bubble with another household. I don't know where she is breaking the rules there or why everyone is convinced it's a fake post.

Maybe it's not the country that you travelled to that they have issue with but the fact you had to go through an airport and get on a plane to get back? I thikn they are just being understandably cautious although perhaps it would have been nice if they'd made it clear you wouldn't be welcome before you got on the plane (assuming you had the option not to come back).

I think the issue is , from my understanding, that op is not a single parent , she lives with her husband and two children
WeAllHaveWings · 26/12/2020 13:56

YANBU to be upset you can't see your family this virus is shite, YABVVU to imply they are to blame.

They didn't increase their risk by flying during a pandemic. Something that was discouraged by all UK governments unless essential and if essential advised to take extra precautions.
They didn't tell your dd visiting was possible and then take it away.

Start taking ownership of your own decisions. If visiting your family was important to you, you should have made different decisions. I wouldn't have you in my home either after travelling and when your attitude to reducing risk is so uninformed.

If you want to visit your family start following the rules now and plan a meet up within whatever guidance is in your area in 10 days time.

nosswith · 26/12/2020 13:59

@m0therofdragons I'd not be concerned about the plane journey, but the travel through the UK airport and even if a car was used to get home, the journey to the car park to fetch it.

OP, if sister is unhappy then she is someone who is caring and loving for her unborn child and your mum.

Piwlyfbicsly · 26/12/2020 13:59

I’d do the same and would wary meeting you. She’s pregnant and she’s scared that something might happen to her baby. Is it that difficult to understand?

NewIdeasToday · 26/12/2020 14:01

OP - someone above has explained that you can’t be in a bubble with another household of two people if you have a husband and children.

Even if the subtleties of those rules escaped you, how could you possibly think you’re in a bubble if you’ve just returned from abroad? The whole point of the bubble is that you meet the people within it and no one else. Flying in from abroad is clearly not compatible with that.

Why would you want to put your pregnant sister and mum at risk??

yetanothernamitynamechange · 26/12/2020 14:01

I dont think you are unreasonable to be upset. I live abroad and all agreed it would be best not to travel home for Christmas, and it was the right choice particularly with the whole mutated covid thing. But I am still sad about not being with family at Christmas and no-one can tell me not to be. Also, I love snow at christmas and its snowing back at my parents house but not here which makes me cross. It is very selfish of SOMEONE although I am not sure exactly who.

LagunaBubbles · 26/12/2020 14:03

Were you on holiday?

Posturesorposes · 26/12/2020 14:05

At this point I think two outcomes are likely-

  1. *@starrain* won’t come back to thread.
  1. *@starrain* will come back once there is a drip feed that will seek to legitimise the bubble
Grin
YardleyX · 26/12/2020 14:09

But, you can’t go and see them anyway? Whether you’d been abroad or not?!

lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 26/12/2020 14:14

Yabu. I am pregnant and wouldn't want you near me if you had just been on a plane and overseas (for obvious reasons.)

time4anothername · 26/12/2020 14:15

there's no such thing as travelling without risk at the moment, just different levels of it. Is there a back story here as you are showing jealousy and not worry about protecting your pregnant sister? You are an infection risk for the next days having been on a plane with no idea what contacts or transits others sitting close by on the plane made and going through travel hubs.

stovetopespresso · 26/12/2020 14:17

@trollopolis

Following the post earlier in the thread, I have checked as Op lives with husband and 2 school aged DC.

She says her mother and pregnant sister live together.

That means the only bubble they could legally form would be a childcare one - and the trip she is proposing is not childcare, or something to provide essential care to someone (again not the purpose of this trip.

So yes, in tier 3 it would be illegal to meet indoors or in a private garden. You could meet, with appropriate distancing, in an outdoors public place. But obviously not if one or more of the people you want to meet does not want to meet you.

You can't just sling the word 'bubble' around as if it were a Get Out of Jail Free card in all circumstances.

that changes everything OP, things have changed now, sorry but you are going to have to readjust, I get it sucks Flowers
Djouce · 26/12/2020 14:22

There, there, OP. Absolutely your pregnant sister is a joyless funsponge, and we’re all festive mood-killers.

megletthesecond · 26/12/2020 14:27

If this is true (and I know people daft enough to do this) then give yourself a pat on the back for prolonging the pandemic.