To no longer enjoy Xmas and not want to do it again.

[XOXO999]

I'm really fed up of Christmas and ended the day completely shattered and in tears. MY DH told me to "get a grip" and offered me no sympathy. But, I can't face another Christmas like this.

YABU - and need to get a grip.
YANBU - and need to make some changes for next year.

I started the day off very tired. Mostly my own fault as my DH and I had a few drinks (not huge amounts) on Xmas Eve and didn't get to bed until midnight. We had a rare few enjoyable hours without the kids. I didn't sleep well due to interruptions from excited kids intermittently and then being woken around 5:30. I know, I shouldn't have had a few drinks and won't make the same mistake again.

We are in tier 4, so it was just the immediate family, not a bad thing necessarily! We started the day with the kids opening their presents, slightly hindered by MiL observing via WhatsApp. ILs had been meant to come.

My eldest (7) who has ADHD, despite all the great presents, was desperate to go and play Roblox. Queue a big tantrum from him. He was told he would have to wait until after dinner. He was miserable from then onwards.

The kids had many presents, which my youngest enjoyed. Mess and stuff everywhere. DH made a nice turkey dinner, which kids hardly ate. I took kids out on bikes to the local park. My eldest had been bought a new bike. My youngest (4) insisted on taking his bike which he struggles to ride. I said no, but relented. ended up lugging the thing around, with him having tantrums. He can be quite spirited and stubborn. Trips with them both to the local park are generally stressful.

Got back, had a short nap, before meeting my family on Zoom for a quiz. Felt absolutely knackered and guilty as kids left to entertain themselves. Youngest was playing, eldest was on Roblox. Came off, made the kids beans on toast, neither ate much.

Struggled as usual to get the kids to bed. Both wanting dad, refusing to let me put them bed. My eldest called me ugly, said he hates me, said he hadn't enjoyed Christmas because he only got four Switch games! He doesn't even play it that often and also got a bike!

Basically, it was the kids being really, really hard work all day and I was really tired. Plus MiL buys too many presents - she buys the kids nearly as much as we do. I imposed limits on her this year. She also buys us and them lots of stuff we don't ask for, which ends up going to charity. This year, she also bought me a gift experience of an online British Sign Language Course expecting me to be delighted! It was heavily reduced in Debenhams, I had not expressed any interest in doing one. She then sounded put out when DH informed her I won't use it. Now that money is down the drain as the gift is non-refundable.

At the end of the day, I was knackered and tearful, told by me DH to "get a grip". I think it's fair to say both me and my eldest son did not enjoy the day. I think next year we need a re-think. I'd be happy to not bother but obviously can't because of the kids.

I appreciate that others are in far worse situations this year. But I personally found the day very hard and no longer enjoy Christmas.

Also, just seeing the photos of other people's days on social media is depressing.

Please don't be too hard on me!

You do need a rethink because you can’t opt out of Christmas with children and it might just be an issue of expectations.

Who cares if they didn’t eat much. You knew taking the bike would be a pain. You got a nap, I’d have killed for a nap! You chatted to your friends while your DC entertained themselves.

What were you expecting, was it realistic? What could you have done differently to make it feel easier?

Don't go on social media on Christmas day. In reality the kids will be knackered too and spoilt so tantrums may well happen. Can you cook the kids an alternative that they will eat?
I think maybe many get through Christmas by drinking all day too although I apprechiate this may be hard with young kids.

I appreciate that others are in far worse situations this year

Worse than what? You felt tired.... and now you want to cancel Christmas?

I think you could have picked your battles a bit better which would have reduced a few flash points such as...

1. Why couldn’t he play roblox before dinner - i get he had new presents but if that’s what he wanted to do let him.
2. If they wanted there dad to put them to bed..why didn’t he
3. Also I wouldn’t stress about how much they eat on xmas day, if they were hungry they would eat!
4. also don’t stress about mess everywhere for one day.

And look at the positives.. you had a zoom with friends/ family whilst the kids occupied themselves and you had a nap.
I think maybe you have out too much pressure on yourself to have a hallmark perfect day. It’s about doing what works for your family rather than what is “expected” by others.

I tend not to enjoy Christmas much since having children. It's a lot of work, a lot of thought goes into it, I generally do it all myself (DH makes the dinner though!), I get rubbish or no gifts (always buy myself something), I am shattered. I loved Christmas right up until I had to put thought and effort into making it a special day for others 😁

Sounds like a perfectly normal Christmas day with small children.
Your eldest was rather rude, but I assume that his ADHD might account for that to some extent.
My day was fairly similar, but I hadn't expected much from it and it went ok.
I think we tend to remember Christmas days from when we were children and had all of the magic and fun and none of the stress.
When we're adults, it tends to be more the other way around.
Be gentle to yourself, you did fine. Especially well done for getting both kids and bikes to the park and back without injury 😊

Oh dear. I hope today is a better day. It does sound stressful.
Christmas will be different next year as the children will be older.
I often think christmas is a bit rubbish for children as they eat at strange times and its big meals when they are excited and not hungry. And they are often prevented from doing stuff they like or calms them like roblox.

I hope you have some leftovers and a happier day today.

Just to clarify, it wasn't a long nap! About 30 mins.

But you do have a point re expectations, thanks xx

You can't opt out

We have 3 under 8. The trick for me is not having much to drink the night before and making sure all wrapping is done by 23rd as I know if I start the day knackered, I will really struggle.

Re the roblox, I tend to be fairly relaxed on christmas day as I know they are excited and want to play with presents immediately. That tends to stop a lot of tantrums. I am on food duty and DH sets up all presents etc and keeps me topped up with bucks fizz. I also allow more snacks etc so no one is hangry. We have the Xmas meal about 330pm with breaks between courses for toy playing and so I don't feel rushed

I don't take bikes out in my own unless I take the car as I always end up carrying the little one's. Choices are a walk or ride bike in the garden if DH not coming

I have to say, I can only dream of a nap on Xmas Day so I think that sounds pretty good!

I think your issues all arose from going to bed far too late then not having a good sleep.

Your day sounds pretty normal and I think had you slept well you would have enjoyed it mote

ADHD is hard to deal with especially at Xmas. It is tiring but it’s what it is and the kids will have enjoyed. You can relax a bit more today hopefully!

You ruined your own day being hungover and tired... hubby is right! Get a grip!

You had turkey dinner cooked for you and you got a nap? Poor you 🤨

I would have scrapped the WhatsApp call watching present opening and the zoom quiz. Just address stresses IMO

A course to learn BSL when you are a busy, tired parent who hasn’t expressed any interest in learning it sounds terrible! And I’m someone who loves studying and learning new things.

I cannot cope with tiredness either.my DD is 11 now but one xmas a few years ago she got us up at about 4.....my eyes were stinging, and the day was exhausting
. don't drink on xmas eve, get an early night, drink in moderation on xmas day.
What do your kids like to eat?
just accept mil gifts with a smile and re gift as necessary.
accept the mess. and don't be so hard on yourself.

Big hugs. I think Christmas Day is hyped into this massive thing that it will never match. We let the kids play online far too much but it was what they wanted, we had 3 different mains for dinner ( all in the oven so not too much extra work) . I have realised that my Christmas and the kids Christmas ideas can be very different, now they are a bit older they get a say in how the day goes, we also did video calls this year and I found opening the presents on the calls spread them out through the day, meaning things were less stressed and a lot calmer... will be taking that forward. When they were younger and got lots of presents they would open them over a couple of days to save the over whelm. You made it through, maybe review for next year ( and yes I always find if I have a late night the kids don’t sleep and will be awake extra early!!)

I agree with the others, try not to put to much pressure on Christmas Day. I spent hours of mine trying to set up various bit of tech for DD. It's not how I planned our Christmas Day, I thought it was set up and ready to go. Annoying, frustrating but not the end of the world in reality. To me your Christmas sounds entirely normal. Pick your battles, don't sweat the small stuff on Christmas Day. Choose food everyone will like and don't worry if they don't eat it. It's a day for everyone to do what makes them happy. Have a nice relaxing Boxing Day.

The way I see it, it's my kids' Christmas holiday too. They've been working hard at school and deserve a break and a relaxation of the usual rules. If they want to just slob about watching tv or playing games then they can. The Pearl clutching over screen time can wait for a few days.

It sounds like you've kind of been your own worst enemy this Christmas - you started off tired, which set the tone for the rest of the day. The kids could probably sense that Mum was in a bit of a mard and acted accordingly.

Also, if I took personal offence every time my kids didn't eat a meal I had lovingly prepared for them, I would be able to hire Annabel Karmel to come and feed them organic vegetable muffins full time. They're kids - roast dinners don't exactly appeal in the same way they do to adults.

Don’t drink on Xmas Eve and do the Xmas meal at whatever their normal tea time is.
I’ve never done Xmas lunch in the afternoon, it wouldn’t get eaten.
Also, let the kids do whatever they want, it is Xmas after all.

Just make it as simple as you want to. I think we're all exhausted by Xmas day, the lead up is so busy, then it's quite common that mums do the most preparing (my DH didn't do a single thing towards it) I did everything and I'm always really looking forward to it being done so we can chill but I make it so fun for the kids because my childhood was my dad being the most miserable he could be on Xmas day and I hated it. Do it however simple you want but make it nice for the kids, the memories will always stay with them

I find Facebook at Christmas a snap shot of all the lovely things and not the hard ones.

From your post you could have easily 'edited' your day social media style too. Went out for a family bike ride, had a dinner cooked for you and had a nap. Looks like a perfect day Facebook style! Maybe others have done the same.

Anything goes here at Christmas so I wouldn't have stressed out about the gaming or the food situation with the kids and I'd have let their dad put them to bed if that's what they'd wanted.

Too many of us put unrealistic pressure on ourselves a to make Christmas perfect. Coupled with being hungover and tired, it was a recipe for disaster.

Sorry you had a crap day OP.

OP please don't be fooled by peoples pics on social media! We can all make life look anyway we want to on there and I promise you yesterday there would be no end of tears.sulks tantrums and festering resentments going on all over the world!!! Christmas day is a long day and we build it up every year to be this perfect day that simply doesnt exist. We ut so much planning into it and it inevitably leads to disappointments because our expectations of this perfect day simply cant be fulfilled. Sounds to me like a pretty normal day what hapened in your house! In planning our perfect day we tend to forget that the kids will be tired ,we will be stressed and tired and its a busy day too so theres no calmness...the kids are over stimulated the house is wrecked by wrapping paper,everyone eats chocolate and doesnt really want the fabulous dinner you have planned and slaved over...its fine..its normal its real life! It is so exciting for the kids but too much if you get my drift,they usually dont know which way to look first as theres so much going on. Please dont beat yourself up.I would suggest today is spent chilling out an dletting the kids do as they like..today after a good sleep and non of the excitement of yesterday just let them be..let them play let them eat their normal food and be calm.They willl appreciate their new things today and will have time to look at stuff and enjoy it.And now for a stern talking to....Never ever again feel bad for having a couple of drinks and some quiet time relaxing with your husband!!! It is a necessity and vital to do that do you hear me?!!!Failing all that next year book a hliday and jet off to the sun instead for christmas! Trust me there is nothing on earth like swimming in the sea on christmas day! Really today is another day,a new day,try to make it a normal day with no expectations.Rest when you can ,easier said than done I know and let everyone else follow your lead.Today in my house in effect christmas is done..today is a quiet day with everyone doing what they want,so my dd will be playing whatever,my dh will be praying Leicester city win at 12.30 and I will be sat with my baileys and whatever rubbish is on tv and thinking thank goodness that is over for another year! We willl eat leftovers and although I could look at my house and cry with the mess of yeaterday and i really could be and should be trying to make some room and tidying up and putting things away its not going to happen...thats for tomorrow! You are not on your own relly your not in feeling like you do and thats really fine.Most of us if truth be told have felt the same way once or twice or more in my house!!!! Your dh is right a bit ..get a grip but I mean let it go,let the expectations fall and you chill out too.you deseve to as much as you want it perfect for everyone you deseve to relax too..so please do.Hope you have a better day today.

Thanks for the more supportive messages!

Okay, I know I need to alter my expectations and not drink anything the night before.

Xx

Everything seems a million’s times worse when your tired for sure and it heightens all emotions (or it does atleast for me)

I understand your frustrations as our kids hardly ate anything we had had the general battle of please eat this amount etc. They aren’t big fans of Christmas dinner.

Here are my suggestions:

• speak to your child today who said you were ugly / hated you. You need to say it hurt your feeling, the behaviour isn’t acceptable, it wasn’t very nice for x reasons and you are expecting an apology. They can come downstairs to say sorry once they are ready.
• speak to DH and maybe apologise for being tired and emotional. Hopefully they might apologise too and you can have a hug / clear the air.
• next year if you don’t want to have Christmas dinner have something else. Pasta / chicken / Chinese/ Indian. Is there a meal you all love?
• be kind to yourself and realise social media is all a lie, people only post the good stuff, not the tantrum / nappy explosion/ tears before and after the photo.
• from a stress point of view. If you know your little one will want the bike carrying / be a bit stubborn or them with eating food. Sounds silly but accept it. You can choose to be stressed or accept they that will probably happen and make peace with it as you then will be less stressed. It’s makes you a lot calmer and in a better head space to cope with the refusal of boundary pushing. Works for me most of the time but sometimes they have a special way of pushing our buttons right?! 😂

It sounds as though you expected too much. Maybe you have bought into those Christmas adverts showing the perfect family joyfully playing board games, etc
First, the Christmas dinner. If your DH made it, fine, but definitely don't be a slave to cooking, especially,when most of it can be bought fully prepared from supermarkets. If you don't like roast dinners, have something else as there is no law that says you must have Turkey, etc
The kids should be allowed to play with their toys, watch kids stuff on tv, so you all get a relaxing and peaceful day.
At one time, I used to keep notes, for what worked and what did not work, which I would update each year. This included food, presents, entertainment. Some Christmases were not good, and I just resolved to try and make it better next time