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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To no longer enjoy Xmas and not want to do it again.

181 replies

XOXO999 · 26/12/2020 07:45

I'm really fed up of Christmas and ended the day completely shattered and in tears. MY DH told me to "get a grip" and offered me no sympathy. But, I can't face another Christmas like this.

YABU - and need to get a grip.
YANBU - and need to make some changes for next year.

I started the day off very tired. Mostly my own fault as my DH and I had a few drinks (not huge amounts) on Xmas Eve and didn't get to bed until midnight. We had a rare few enjoyable hours without the kids. I didn't sleep well due to interruptions from excited kids intermittently and then being woken around 5:30. I know, I shouldn't have had a few drinks and won't make the same mistake again.

We are in tier 4, so it was just the immediate family, not a bad thing necessarily! We started the day with the kids opening their presents, slightly hindered by MiL observing via WhatsApp. ILs had been meant to come.

My eldest (7) who has ADHD, despite all the great presents, was desperate to go and play Roblox. Queue a big tantrum from him. He was told he would have to wait until after dinner. He was miserable from then onwards.

The kids had many presents, which my youngest enjoyed. Mess and stuff everywhere. DH made a nice turkey dinner, which kids hardly ate. I took kids out on bikes to the local park. My eldest had been bought a new bike. My youngest (4) insisted on taking his bike which he struggles to ride. I said no, but relented. ended up lugging the thing around, with him having tantrums. He can be quite spirited and stubborn. Trips with them both to the local park are generally stressful.

Got back, had a short nap, before meeting my family on Zoom for a quiz. Felt absolutely knackered and guilty as kids left to entertain themselves. Youngest was playing, eldest was on Roblox. Came off, made the kids beans on toast, neither ate much.

Struggled as usual to get the kids to bed. Both wanting dad, refusing to let me put them bed. My eldest called me ugly, said he hates me, said he hadn't enjoyed Christmas because he only got four Switch games! He doesn't even play it that often and also got a bike!

Basically, it was the kids being really, really hard work all day and I was really tired. Plus MiL buys too many presents - she buys the kids nearly as much as we do. I imposed limits on her this year. She also buys us and them lots of stuff we don't ask for, which ends up going to charity. This year, she also bought me a gift experience of an online British Sign Language Course expecting me to be delighted! It was heavily reduced in Debenhams, I had not expressed any interest in doing one. She then sounded put out when DH informed her I won't use it. Now that money is down the drain as the gift is non-refundable.

At the end of the day, I was knackered and tearful, told by me DH to "get a grip". I think it's fair to say both me and my eldest son did not enjoy the day. I think next year we need a re-think. I'd be happy to not bother but obviously can't because of the kids.

I appreciate that others are in far worse situations this year. But I personally found the day very hard and no longer enjoy Christmas.

Also, just seeing the photos of other people's days on social media is depressing.

Please don't be too hard on me!

OP posts:
RainingBatsAndFrogs · 26/12/2020 14:33

Sympathies, OP, it really can feel like a slog.

It sounds as if you were trying to please too many people in too many directions, and with little support.

Why did your DH not come to the park and help with the bikes? Why was he not playing with them while you were on Zoom? For me, a family zoom quiz would have been too much on Xmas afternoon: I would have done a quick ‘hello’ to everyone, and then focus on your own family.

Work out what bits of the meal are the most important and don’t bother with things no one much likes.

Simplify and relax... and a few days in advance let your DH know what he is expected to do.

minnimiss · 26/12/2020 14:41

Christmas Day can be tough when your kids are little. Mine are grown up now, late teens and it's strange when the magic of excitable little ones has gone and instead it's dragging moody teens out of bed for what they probably see as forced fun. I agree with picking your battles! It's one day, just let them do what makes them happy and you not stressed. You could go away for Christmas next year and experience Christmas in a different way perhaps. So not exactly not doing it but just doing it differently. I've seen a few pictures of friends enjoying the sun somewhere exotic while wearing a Santa hat this year and it does look enjoyable!

caperplips · 26/12/2020 16:11

I agree with those saying you probably made life too hard for yourself & that you got into a negative frame of mind.
You chose to spend time with your dh on Christmas eve & enjoy a couple of drinks. It's really important to carve out time for you two as a couple too so I see that as a good thing. Midnight is not really late to get to bed but even so you could have expected that you might be a bit tired if you're usually a 10pm to bed type

Once you're aware that you'll be tired due to the choice you made then just get on with it ...
Have some tea / coffee and get into the spirit of the day. So what if you feel tired - you managed a nap while your dh cooked.
I would have let my kids play whatever games they liked - who cares if it's a game he already has, the familiarity is probably calming
I think you made the day a bit crap for everyone & if I were your dh id be a bit pissed off too
Hope you're more relaxed today

SomelikeitHoth · 26/12/2020 16:14

You had a very long day and I understand how it is with a child with ADHD.
Plan next year how you would like it and don't let others pressure you

gingganggooleywotsit · 26/12/2020 16:16

It is hard work but in fairness you had a good night on Xmas eve, didn’t have to cook Christmas dinner and had a nap. Not really that bad apart from the outburst from your eldest which was uncalled for and must have hurt.

hopeishere · 26/12/2020 17:27

Manage expectations all round.
Agree having too much to drink was a mistake.
Let them play Roblox and eat what they want.
Done bring the bike if you know it will be a crying match.

When my kids were little I threw my toothbrush at DH on Christmas morning as he's gone back to bed and I was all cross with him as our day felt boring. In my head I wanted our Christmas to be like my sisters but we only have two children and she had more so there is more happy chaos at hers than ours.

Ds2 has SN so I let him do what he wants. He eats what he wants.

I've changed my expectations and it's a happier day.

I also in general prefer Boxing Day.

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