To no longer enjoy Xmas and not want to do it again.

[XOXO999]

I'm really fed up of Christmas and ended the day completely shattered and in tears. MY DH told me to "get a grip" and offered me no sympathy. But, I can't face another Christmas like this.

YABU - and need to get a grip.
YANBU - and need to make some changes for next year.

I started the day off very tired. Mostly my own fault as my DH and I had a few drinks (not huge amounts) on Xmas Eve and didn't get to bed until midnight. We had a rare few enjoyable hours without the kids. I didn't sleep well due to interruptions from excited kids intermittently and then being woken around 5:30. I know, I shouldn't have had a few drinks and won't make the same mistake again.

We are in tier 4, so it was just the immediate family, not a bad thing necessarily! We started the day with the kids opening their presents, slightly hindered by MiL observing via WhatsApp. ILs had been meant to come.

My eldest (7) who has ADHD, despite all the great presents, was desperate to go and play Roblox. Queue a big tantrum from him. He was told he would have to wait until after dinner. He was miserable from then onwards.

The kids had many presents, which my youngest enjoyed. Mess and stuff everywhere. DH made a nice turkey dinner, which kids hardly ate. I took kids out on bikes to the local park. My eldest had been bought a new bike. My youngest (4) insisted on taking his bike which he struggles to ride. I said no, but relented. ended up lugging the thing around, with him having tantrums. He can be quite spirited and stubborn. Trips with them both to the local park are generally stressful.

Got back, had a short nap, before meeting my family on Zoom for a quiz. Felt absolutely knackered and guilty as kids left to entertain themselves. Youngest was playing, eldest was on Roblox. Came off, made the kids beans on toast, neither ate much.

Struggled as usual to get the kids to bed. Both wanting dad, refusing to let me put them bed. My eldest called me ugly, said he hates me, said he hadn't enjoyed Christmas because he only got four Switch games! He doesn't even play it that often and also got a bike!

Basically, it was the kids being really, really hard work all day and I was really tired. Plus MiL buys too many presents - she buys the kids nearly as much as we do. I imposed limits on her this year. She also buys us and them lots of stuff we don't ask for, which ends up going to charity. This year, she also bought me a gift experience of an online British Sign Language Course expecting me to be delighted! It was heavily reduced in Debenhams, I had not expressed any interest in doing one. She then sounded put out when DH informed her I won't use it. Now that money is down the drain as the gift is non-refundable.

At the end of the day, I was knackered and tearful, told by me DH to "get a grip". I think it's fair to say both me and my eldest son did not enjoy the day. I think next year we need a re-think. I'd be happy to not bother but obviously can't because of the kids.

I appreciate that others are in far worse situations this year. But I personally found the day very hard and no longer enjoy Christmas.

Also, just seeing the photos of other people's days on social media is depressing.

Please don't be too hard on me!

Oh you sound so stressed but mostly I suspect it’s because of trying to meet unrealistic expectations.

Can you not just chill out for the day and let the kids do their thing?

Definitely reduce the number of presents from MIL and stop her getting so involved in your day.

sympathies from me OP it sounds like life with three young kids - its sometimes a totally exhausting nightmare! Mine are a bit older and don't get up so early - re. the gaming - you know what, kids have tantrums about various things on xmas day/ birthdays don't they - it could have been anything.

Park outing sounds very familiar to me too - at least you are a parent who gets their kids out for fresh air and exericse - some of this all stems from you trying to be a good parent op! you didn't want too much screens, presents or lounging around - sometimes its a tougher path

The only thing I would say is if a kid is complaining and moaning after getting loads of stuff I would take a serious look at how they are being spoilt (not a personal attack my own kids show signs of being spoilt at times...modern kids do get too much stuf))

Next time - go to bed early! and massively reduce stuff kids get. You are the parent - look at the gifts and just hand some back - tell the relatives your kids act up if they are overwhelmed and ask if they cld save the gift for a month or so as a good behavour reward/

@XOXO999
STEP AWAY from social media posts!

I knew a couple who posted beautiful and envy making posts of thei perfect family of two little DC.....

This Christmas?

Both apart.

Social media is a tiny curated and carefully posed 'Advert' showing the very best they can.

Tis often not the full story.

But agree....a sign language course is the most pants present ever unless you wanted to do it {And I speak as someone with Completely deaf family members from birth}.

Signing is useful as a skill, but not a present. :)

I wanted to let my son have Roblox at 11am but DH put his foot down xx

Ah... in other words. you have a DH problem and it wasn’t your kids but your husband has made the day more difficult than it should have been. He wanted a certain kind of Christmas and had you deal with the problems of it. He couldn’t even be bothered to put his children to bed when they wanted him to so you end up as the bad guy.

I really don't think this sounds like a bad day at all. My tired 5 year old also told me that he hated me multiple times but today said how fun yesterday was!
A sign language course? Why on earth did she buy you that?! Have you shown an interest in it before? Do you work with kids that need intervention at school? In fact, even if you did the present would still be questionable!

Christmas day can be a long day, but with little sleep and a few drinks I can imagine it would be hellish.

I have a little note in my phone where i write "Tips for next Christmas", that is things, foods that worked. Its a great tip someone gave me and has stopped me making the same mistakes over and over.

Don't drink on Christmas Eve is one Inlearnt early on....just not worth it with small children.👍

I always wonder why we try to do so much on Christmas Day, it sounds like you felt responsible for making everyone’s Christmas and have exhausted yourself and of course the recipients are blissfully unaware of the effort the day took so show zero appreciation. If you can, go and take some you time, a nice hot bath maybe? And next year think how you could make everything easier. I’m a big fan of Boxing Day Christmas lunch, make Christmas Day about the kids gifts and have some lovely picky bits then do the big cook the following day when excitement has calmed and they are less demanding. It’s 12 days of Christmas so why we try and do absolutely everything on a single (very short) day I never understand.

@XOXO999

Re bikes, on a walk yesterday, {Mountain bike trail runs through the woods} a little boy on a brand new bike was disgruntled and saying ''

''I don't want it to be Winter anymore'' 😂 as his bike was too big in the skiddy mud.

It made us laugh. Great kid. I'll nick his saying.

Too many presents can so easily lead to 'overwhelm'.

Bike lugging.... Part of the life of parenting young kids!...All been there ..Worst is miles from home and the bike gets a puncture...

Walking home with tired DC and pushing a low bike is hard on the back 😑

Chrikey talk about booting a person who is down. The sanctimonious posters are out in force I see today.

And as for the you're an adult xmas is for kids shite trotted out on these threads well is it fuck!

Not in our house it's not Everyone is thought of at xmas in our house not just the kids. Its my bloody day too, it's my 21 year old ds day, my 18 year old dds day, my younger kids day. MY day dps day etc. We all made it special for each other. Ive reduced my expectations of a perfect xmas and everyone's happy

I always think that the people who trot out that old chestnut are the ones whose had the shitty xmas and noones bought them anything and they try and justify thier misery by wailing about xmas just being for the kidz and making other people feel crap as well

We have sausage and mash and let the kids do what they want. We don’t have anyone over or go anywhere, other than a walk perhaps.

Stress free.

I haven't read all the revised by a few points:
I would let your 7 year old choose what he wants to play with and why couldn't be play until after dinner?
Why go on a family zoom quiz when you have 2 young children?,
The sign language gift was h hilarious who the hell buys this as a gift? well done to your Dh for telling his mother it will not be used.for
The bike riding, you need to tell the 4 year old if he takes his bike out then he brings it home.

You sound like an overtired toddler. You’ll get over it. Have a nap. Lower your expectations. Let the SEN kid play roblox. Don’t go for the walk to the park.

Not that’s it’s a competition, but id had 2 hours sleep Xmas eve due to DHs snoring, then was up at 5am to cook. Then to top it off, our lovely car, which we absolutely adore, blew its engine on Christmas morning and is now to be scrapped. I still managed to somehow have a great day. Lower your standards a little OP. It’s just one day.

If I was OP I wouldn’t acknowledge the nasty or dismissive posts either.

Or better still, report any posts that break talk guidelines be being “nasty”. Not seen any myself, though I’m not surprised people are dismissive of the OP’s claim that her Christmas was so awful she doesn’t ever want to do it again.

How is your mood and health generally OP? You sound weary - both tired and tired of what sounds like a pretty normal Christmas.

I think the whole Season and especially Christmas Day has become a consumerist nightmare of our own making.

DH and I were just discussing how, when we were young, kids got ONE MAIN gift. Something big. Everything else was maybe a book/selection box/new pencil set/small items of clothing. I’m astounded now, by how much is spent, how many gifts kids get and the massive expense in things which, because they get so much, their focus is divided over loads of items and never really settles on anything.

And then today, people talking about swapping gifts they don’t want.

What’s the point?

OP, you have young children. You can’t just “stop” doing Christmas but you CAN tone it down a bit. And if my kids whinged and whined and carried on like that, I’d march them home. You too, have a right to some peace of mind.

I think the opportunity to do BSL is fantastic. Why wouldn,t you use it?

I hear you. It's hard. Why didn't DH come to park as well?

Stategically pacing the presents through the day helps. We wanted to go for a walk to fill the day and make the most of the daylight and pleasant weather, so the big present of console and games was saved until after that. That way the DCs could play freely for the rest of the day (and while I was cooking). If it had been given in the morning, it would have been a battle especially with DS1 (ASD) who would want to crack on with it.

We keep it stripped back to presents for DCs and Christmas dinner (would normally have church too). If my DCs weren't keen on a roast, I'd change to something more appreciated.

Less can be more.

@EleanorRigbyWasReal,I couldn't agree more.It takes guts to say no.Most parents dont have them.I detest this new concept of a "haul"of presents.What happens when the kid has enough? There is never enough.You have to take a stance and be prepared to maintain it,despite outside pressure.

@whatisheupto

I hear you. It's hard. Why didn't DH come to park as well?

He was cooking dinner I think.

I hear you OP. Our Christmas Day was a complete disaster here...nothing dreadful and all first world problems but we lurched from one argument to another and I spent most of it in tears.

Onwards and upwards. We've got a whole year to plan how to do it differently next year.

Sounds like you had a hangover and got all dramatic. I honestly can’t see anything here that would cause you to be in tears and decide to cancel Xmas.

Yout husband is right to tell you to get a grip when you sat crying. Next year don’t drink on Xmas eve if you can’t cope with a hangover on Xmas day

@june2007

I think the opportunity to do BSL is fantastic. Why wouldn,t you use it?

@XOXO999 if you can’t or don’t want to use the BSL course could you maybe offer it up on Facebook/etc in case anyone wants it? Would be a shame for it to go to waste and I’m sure someone would appreciate it, in which case at least you will have paid it forward in a small way and hopefully the universe will return the favour to you in some other way.

Hope you have a lovely day today!

Also next year have your drinks and your few hours of time with your husband once the children are in bed on Christmas Day, rather than on Christmas Eve - that way it’s all over and you can just chill and take it easy.

I don’t really enjoy Christmas. I didn’t mind it when the dc were little (I have 2 with ADHD) but now they are older we have come to a compromise.
One year doing Christmas one year holiday in the Sun. This year I was looking at Mexico

Slowly the dc are Dp are coming round to the fact that Christmas isn’t all that it is cracked up to be.