To no longer enjoy Xmas and not want to do it again.

[XOXO999]

I'm really fed up of Christmas and ended the day completely shattered and in tears. MY DH told me to "get a grip" and offered me no sympathy. But, I can't face another Christmas like this.

YABU - and need to get a grip.
YANBU - and need to make some changes for next year.

I started the day off very tired. Mostly my own fault as my DH and I had a few drinks (not huge amounts) on Xmas Eve and didn't get to bed until midnight. We had a rare few enjoyable hours without the kids. I didn't sleep well due to interruptions from excited kids intermittently and then being woken around 5:30. I know, I shouldn't have had a few drinks and won't make the same mistake again.

We are in tier 4, so it was just the immediate family, not a bad thing necessarily! We started the day with the kids opening their presents, slightly hindered by MiL observing via WhatsApp. ILs had been meant to come.

My eldest (7) who has ADHD, despite all the great presents, was desperate to go and play Roblox. Queue a big tantrum from him. He was told he would have to wait until after dinner. He was miserable from then onwards.

The kids had many presents, which my youngest enjoyed. Mess and stuff everywhere. DH made a nice turkey dinner, which kids hardly ate. I took kids out on bikes to the local park. My eldest had been bought a new bike. My youngest (4) insisted on taking his bike which he struggles to ride. I said no, but relented. ended up lugging the thing around, with him having tantrums. He can be quite spirited and stubborn. Trips with them both to the local park are generally stressful.

Got back, had a short nap, before meeting my family on Zoom for a quiz. Felt absolutely knackered and guilty as kids left to entertain themselves. Youngest was playing, eldest was on Roblox. Came off, made the kids beans on toast, neither ate much.

Struggled as usual to get the kids to bed. Both wanting dad, refusing to let me put them bed. My eldest called me ugly, said he hates me, said he hadn't enjoyed Christmas because he only got four Switch games! He doesn't even play it that often and also got a bike!

Basically, it was the kids being really, really hard work all day and I was really tired. Plus MiL buys too many presents - she buys the kids nearly as much as we do. I imposed limits on her this year. She also buys us and them lots of stuff we don't ask for, which ends up going to charity. This year, she also bought me a gift experience of an online British Sign Language Course expecting me to be delighted! It was heavily reduced in Debenhams, I had not expressed any interest in doing one. She then sounded put out when DH informed her I won't use it. Now that money is down the drain as the gift is non-refundable.

At the end of the day, I was knackered and tearful, told by me DH to "get a grip". I think it's fair to say both me and my eldest son did not enjoy the day. I think next year we need a re-think. I'd be happy to not bother but obviously can't because of the kids.

I appreciate that others are in far worse situations this year. But I personally found the day very hard and no longer enjoy Christmas.

Also, just seeing the photos of other people's days on social media is depressing.

Please don't be too hard on me!

My advice is to pick your battles, if they want to eat chocolate for breakfast stay in pjs all day and play computer games, just let them, for one day let them do know gay they want. The presents thing I solved by telling my mum three months ahead what I needed roughly the value of what she spends on me so I don't get little bits

Well... you sound like a massive drama llama to me. I was up at 5 yesterday, like I am every single day of the year after a night of broken sleep with DS who's almost two.

Never takes long for these threads to achieve Monty Python

I don’t blame your husband tbh. You seem to have made your day harder than it needed to be in a number of ways and you did have dinner cooked for you and a nap.

You can’t opt out of Christmas so you had better figure out how to approach it differently

@rottiemum88

Well... you sound like a massive drama llama to me. I was up at 5 yesterday, like I am every single day of the year after a night of broken sleep with DS who's almost two. Managed to walk the dogs and still paint a smile on my face for the sake of DS while he opened all his presents, then had a busy day of him becoming increasingly tired and overwhelmed at PILs. Did I let it ruin my Christmas? No. Did I expect anything else? No. Why? Because he's a CHILD. I mean, seriously, what did you think you were signing up to when you had kids? Sounds like your husband said the only thing that was appropriate in the circumstances; you need to get a grip.

It clearly made you tired enough that you are sounding judgemental and superior though.

Ah op dont be too hard on yourself

Re adhd you might gave to go with the flow a bit there. If your ds wanted to play roblox before his dinner then maybe you could have compromised and and said yes for a bit. It's an overwhelming time for them anyway and it.might have given him that chill out time he needed and made it easier for you

My own ds has adhd and asd and I've learnt over the years to not stress to much.. I went to my.mums one year and took his xbox and set it up in my mums bedroom so he had somewhere to go when he got stressed or needed an outlet. It worked and nobody got upset.

Just draw a line under it and chill out a bit today

Trying to make christmas day perfect will always backfire especially kids with adhd asd etc

Fwiw I got 2 hours sleep xmas eve, kids were up early and I ddnt stop all day. By 1pm I had a cracking headache that never went till this morning. My dp said I was white as a sheet all day but i muddled through even though i didnt enjoy it too much

It’s so obvious that you and DH need to set fewer boundaries with kids. Far, far fewer presents next year. That’s not a punishment - they’re almost certainly getting overwhelmed with how many you’re giving them. It’s increasingly clear that the more toys children have, the more bored and discontented they get. Think of yourself as an adult: put a good book, a phone, and a film in front of you and your attention will be scattered, your enjoyment reduced than if you just had a good book.

Four Switch games is a bad idea, imo. Where do they focus? Which one to look at first? The gift has become devalued. Pick one and pick it well.

Go to bed earlier Christmas Eve, have the main meal Xmas Eve (a lot of the time children get chocolate and sweets etc and would rather pick at Christmas food than have a huge meal), don't put pressure on for it to be 'perfect'- if one wants to play the computer then set a sensible time frame ie when we have opened presents and before lunch (it's overwhelming for some and using their escape can help), get DH to help manage situations such as the bike- no you stay here with dad and we will all go out tomorrow or something.

Basically tailor Christmas to suit you and your family, rather than just doing what you think you should be, a lot less stressful for everyone.

Basically tailor Christmas to suit you and your family, rather than just doing what you think you should be, a lot less stressful for everyone.

Absolutely

I wouldnt have drank alot Christmas eve. That hangover and tiredness, set you up with a bad mood for Christmas day. I went to bed early on christmas eve as I knew the kids would wake me up early! If you knew their bikes would be a pain, then you should have just opted for a walk. What's wrong with allowing them to do what ever they wanted e.g. roblox? Its christmas day, let them play and chill out. You managed to have a nap and chatted with friends too, how lovely. That bsl course sounds interesting and fun! Perhaps you should have a go with your eldest! I have deaf parents and they love it when ever someone signs hello/good morning/thank you to them. It really makes their day! To be honest, you seem to have high expectations and sound a little ungrateful.

If I was OP I wouldn’t acknowledge the nasty or dismissive posts either.

Neither would I. Such posts are usually quite rude and distasteful for the sake of wanting to add more insult to someone who has obviously had a rough day. There will always be someone worse off than someone else, dismissing someone’s feelings doesn’t change that or help the situation.

Where was your partner around all the hullabaloo at bedtime etc?

Right. If they wanted him, they should have had him and the whole thing would have been quicker. You may have had a 30 minute nap, but you also took your children outside alone and put them to bed, while your husband I’m guessing was alone making dinner.

Lower your expectations, your guilt, and the unnecessary pressure that you’ve put on yourself. Once you do that, you’ll find it is much easier. People put WAY too much pressure on themselves for one day. It really shouldn’t be that way.

No harshness from me. In my experience (my youngest has ASD and ADHD) it’s about changing your expectations. The kids don’t eat much? More for you. I offer to make my son a sandwich later if he’s hungry. My son took himself off to play roblox after the presents were all opened and while he did come back for food and a chat a few times and watched a movie with us in the evening, I’ve learnt the hard way to just let him get on with it for the most part because the alternative is one or both of us in tears or shouting and then feeling lousy afterwards which has happened a lot in the past on special occasions.

We always try to make everything perfect and it never is. Give yourself a break.

Ah, it felt worse than it actually was because you started the day tired hung over and grumpy. Maybe don’t get pissed on Christmas Eve next year and things might seem easier.

Honestly your day down sound that bad. Your DH even did the cooking. Who cares whether the kids it it all or not. Pick your battles. I’d have let your DS play roadblox if he wanted, it’s his Christmas Day too and it was what he wanted to do. I know it annoying when you put effort into your kids gifts and they don’t seem that fussed, but honestly try not to take it so personally. Also random pointless gifts from family are all just a part of Christmas. Why can you just smile and say thank you and then never use it? Why does it have to be a big deal.

I think the key for next year is don’t get pissed the night before and try and relax and go with the flow a bit more.

A course to learn BSL when you are a busy, tired parent who hasn’t expressed any interest in learning it sounds terrible!

Seconding anyone who suggests you might ask round to see if anyone wants it.

You are completely over reacting. Why you didn't let him play roblox I have no idea. Why you didn't insist on a limited number of presents from mil.
You really need to rethink the the whole day. If you just put in place a few rules, you wouldn't have had any of these problems.

One of the good things to have come out of the pandemic is the opportunity to re-assess relationships with friends and family and to do it differently in the future.

Yes I feel you, it’s really hard work with young dcs.

My dcs are all very excited in the run up to Christmas and none of us sleep well. By yesterday I was knackered and hoping for five minutes of peace. But...I let them do what they want on Xmas Day and that saves arguments and problems to sort out.

My advice would be scale down your expectations and let the children do as they want. My dcs were too excited to eat but it wasn’t an issue, it’s just one day and normally they have good meals.

Take the opportunity to eat, drink and do as little as you can get away with while the mess explosion happens onXmas Day. You will make yourself ill otherwise.

1. you're an adult. Xmas is for kids.

2. how rude of you and your OH to tell your MIL of the wasted course gift. You could have just thanked her surely?

3. your expectations are too high. Why didn't you let older play Roblox for a bit? It's his Xmas too. Of course a young child will struggle with a bike, it's all part of parenting.

4. your OH cooked the dinner, how lovely for you. Who cares if the kids ate it?! Why did that stop you enjoying it?

You should have approached it more relaxed. Ywbu not to do Xmas again just because you found it stressful. It's for the kids.

She then sounded put out when DH informed her I won't use it.

Well, yeah why on earth did your husband tell your MiL ON CHRISTMAS DAY, or even at all, that you wouldn't be using her present!? Seems very, very insensitive. You didn't need to tell her this OP.

Ps I didn't buy my son any Switch games, they came from other family members. He has ADHD and doesn't really play with toys.

I wanted to let my son have Roblox at 11am but DH put his foot down xx

I think you and do need to sit down and discuss the way Xmas is done next year. Relaxation of the rules for all round happiness and maybe have a group vote on Xmas dinner. I have friends who have buffet or pizzas on Xmas Day to take the stress out of it, go with what makes you happy.

Gin also helps!

*dh

If you are so permanently dissatisfied with everything, and always moaning

Ah, Be Kind I see.

I did put on a brave face during the day x

You didn't need to tell her this OP.

OP didn’t, her husband, MIL’s son did. How does OP have control of what her husband says? He shouldn’t have said that, yet it is a very strange gift to give someone who has shown absolutely no interest in it or said anything about it.