Childless Aunty

[superfly25]

I'm a childless Aunty not by choice. Just never happened for me. After shelling out on gifts for nieces and nephews am gutted to not have a single present from my siblings. Even my Grandparents only now buy for the Great Grandchildren. AIBU to expect even a small gift or card?

@OunceOfFlounce

kowari do all the children in your family buy for all the adults?

No, they are not earning their own money yet and my nephew is not yet two! DS 14 has bought for his young cousin this year out of his pocket money and volunteered with me on weekends. We believe more in paying it forward. The adults in my family are happy with a phone call, a (pre-covid) hug and a thank you from children.

I'm completely by myself this Christmas, definitely no partner to be seen showering me with expensive gifts.

I sent my gift weeks ago, along with a Christmas card. I definitely do not expect a gift in return, I can buy anything I actually want rather than them wasting money on something for me.

But it would be nice to get a card, just to think they've thought enough of me to buy a card and go the effort of putting it in the post. I have not received one, just like I no longer receive a card for my birthday. So far I've not even received a text message.

Channelling Queen Victoria, I am not amused.

@Silverbells2020

I'm completely by myself this Christmas, definitely no partner to be seen showering me with expensive gifts.

I sent my gift weeks ago, along with a Christmas card. I definitely do not expect a gift in return, I can buy anything I actually want rather than them wasting money on something for me.

But it would be nice to get a card, just to think they've thought enough of me to buy a card and go the effort of putting it in the post. I have not received one, just like I no longer receive a card for my birthday. So far I've not even received a text message.

Channelling Queen Victoria, I am not amused.

Horribly selfish of them.

Hope you are indulging in a lovely day. Maybe time to stop giving......xx

kowari, so they're independent units mostly in terms of receiving, not giving. Maybe childless relatives can gift children phonecalls too?

I'm a childless Aunty & Godmother too. Definitely not by choice, although I don't see how that matters?

I spend a lot of money on them all at Christmas/Birthdays. The third oldest now had a DS & one on the way, so I buy for her DS as well & will for the baby. The eldest one lives with me sometimes I usually get a card from them. The eldest has occasionally made something for me
(Cookies etc).

Nieces & nephews I'm lucky if I get a card & I sometimes get a photo of them
Opening their presents (they live overseas) but it's not unusual not to even be told they've received them. I end up having to ask my mum incase I need to chase it up with the post office. Something little, would be nice, even a card or 'text thank you' would be a start. The kids are old enough to text me themselves these days too.

I think my DB & SIL are really rude

I do it for my Mum (or rather to keep the peace with my mum.

The other set of god children I buy for are teenagers now, I still spend a lot on them, their mum usually buys me a token gift (book or bottle of wine type thing) even though I usually buy her & her DH individual 'proper' presents too.

It's partly the money. Christmas ends up being very expensive for me, but without anything to open or look forward to myself. It's really the lack of thought that upsets me.

@OunceOfFlounce

kowari, so they're independent units mostly in terms of receiving, not giving. Maybe childless relatives can gift children phonecalls too?

Well a toddler can hardly buy a present and I wouldn't expect my young single parent sibling to buy me and my DS a present each 'from' my nephew because we have both bought for him. . A phone call from relatives would be perfectly fine, DS doesn't expect presents.

@GoingPlaces2021

OMG this thread is really doing my head in.

Oh boo boo, I didn’t get any presents off my siblings to open. No one made me a stocking.

I bet many of you are not on your own and have a partner that just dropped hundreds on a present for you. I’m bet many of you got more presents than DH and I just opened because after buying for DC and extended family and paying for Christmas dinner we are too skint to buy what we want. No Jan sales for us.

If you are not happy about the situation don’t do it. Our children will survive without your presents. I bet most parents wish you wouldn’t do they have less pressure on them. My DC have received nothing from their Aunt today and they’ve not mentioned it.

Some of you are saying here that parents are selfish but actually they are probably overwhelmed and stressed out with the amount of people they have to think of. No one expects you to spend hundreds and then you grumble because you’ve not been treated like one of their children.

Oh jog on

No I don't have a partner who buys me presents. I am alone. I am spending Christmas On My Own. My brother (who only has one sister & our Mum to think about as SIL organises &'SPENDS a fortune (from
The joint account on her large family) and he hasn't even text me 'Happy Christmas' let alone 'thanks for the kids presents'

It WOULD be commented on if I didn't send presents.

I don't want to be treated 'like one of their kids'. Just some consideration. I send them Presents & cards & not so much as a fucking text.

Especially this year. I am literally on my own here, they are overseas with NO COVID restrictions having a great time would it have fucking hurt him to text me 'Merry Christmas. Hope you're ok?'

Really that's too much to expect?

@Silverbells2020

I'm completely by myself this Christmas, definitely no partner to be seen showering me with expensive gifts.

I sent my gift weeks ago, along with a Christmas card. I definitely do not expect a gift in return, I can buy anything I actually want rather than them wasting money on something for me.

But it would be nice to get a card, just to think they've thought enough of me to buy a card and go the effort of putting it in the post. I have not received one, just like I no longer receive a card for my birthday. So far I've not even received a text message.

Channelling Queen Victoria, I am not amused.

Exactly!!!

Merry Christmas Silverbells 🎁🎄🍷

@BestOption
Hear hear! And have a lovely day!

Thank you to both of you. A Merry Christmas to everyone, even the childless aunts and uncles.

kowari, yes or course a toddler can hardly buy presents himself...because he's not actually an "independent unit" and it's ridiculous to claim he is.

I don't know what your single parent sibling has to do with anything, as this thread is about childless people giving and being ignored.

@OunceOfFlounce What I mean is I don't believe in giving one sibling more than another because they don't have a child and I would never expect anything other than a thank you in return for giving to a child. I don't think anyone should be left out because they have children.

It sounds like some of you have created a rod for your own back. Spending £1500 on presents and you don't have any children. Really????? Who asked you to do that? You really need to ask yourselves who you are really buying gifts for and if it is necessary.

I take offence at people saying as soon as someone has kids they become self indulged and oblivious to the outside world. Not true. I had my DC late 30's/ early 40'a so know both sides of being childless and then having DC. They are 2 very different worlds.

If you think you are spending too much money on your small relatives then start scaling it back. Drop a tenner off your budget every year and only do it till they are 18. I can't believe some of you are now buying your n & nephews presents and now buying for their DC. You created that rod, no one else.

No your definitely not unreasonable I personally buy for all adults in my family as I don’t see why adults shouldn’t get gifts to.

@Tellmelies65

No your definitely not unreasonable I personally buy for all adults in my family as I don’t see why adults shouldn’t get gifts to.

No problem with buying for adults and children if the adults buy back in return. The issue is with parents who declare THEY are only buying for the children and want others to do the same so then they buy for nobody but still expect everyone to buy for their children. Including those without children.

@GoingPlaces2021
Completely agree - I have 4 siblings plus their partners with 9 children between them plus my parents, some aunts & uncles who are alone. I used to spend that amount. Now I spend much less on parents, aunts and uncles. All siblings and children get nothing. It crept up - before children we tended to spend £50-£75 on each other as siblings and more on our parents and as children were added we did the same. But then I was spending 6x£50-75 for example on my brother, sil and his four children and they would get me a £50 thoughtless gift in return. My wake up was when my last sibling had kids and they all decided to only ‘buy for the children’ and so expected me to outlay over £700 every year on their children, in return for nothing at all. That’s when I finally gave up and realised they are just too selfish to bother with at Christmas. Now they get a card!

I feel for you OP - I am childless but not by choice and spent a fortune (I earn minimum wage) on buying and sending stuff abroad to my family as it's been such a bad year - I wanted to cheer them up.

If you saw what I got in return...well basically it took three minutes to open and that's from all of them..a few lip balms, a tiny bar of soap, a bottle of liqueur, a large coaster (?!) That's it. I am gutted, and I really am not a materialistic person at all.

I will stick to a strict (low) budget next time. Lesson learned!

I always buy a gift for any adult who buys my child something and doesn't have their own children. It's only right!

I do think it's nice to buy for someone who buys for your kids.

I buy for a friend of mine who's a single parent. As otherwise she doesn't get anything (family just buy for the kids). I do think no one should end up with nothing to open.

Treat yourself to something amazing in the sales.

kowari, this thread is about people being left out because they Don't have children. I don't really understand why you're trying to make these people feel even worse on Christmas day. Each to their own.

It's disingenuous to say children are "independent units" - you only mean they're independent in terms of receiving gifts because of course they can't return the favour. That is their parents job. As many people are saying, it need only be a gesture.

@OunceOfFlounce

kowari, this thread is about people being left out because they Don't have children. I don't really understand why you're trying to make these people feel even worse on Christmas day. Each to their own.

It's disingenuous to say children are "independent units" - you only mean they're independent in terms of receiving gifts because of course they can't return the favour. That is their parents job. As many people are saying, it need only be a gesture.

I don't think anyone should be left out! Unless there is a mutual agreement not to exchange gifts of course. I buy for both adults and children in my family, I don't leave people out. I don't think it is right to treat people differently because they do or don't have children.

Well let the childless people on this thread talk about how ignored they feel because of Only-Buying-for-the-Kids arrangements without butting in to say 'I wouldn't expect a present from a sibling if I was only buying for their children. Baffling.

DH and I both have 3 siblings. In both families it was agreed years ago to stop presents between siblings and just concentrate on the kids. But 2 of my siblings and one of DHs siblings don't have any kids so we always get a present for them, from our kids. No way I could let them spend €100+ on presents and not get something for them.

That's so sad. We buy for DH's brother's dogs because he doesn't buy kids. And we ask for my single brothers to buy for the kids but we buy for them.

*have kids but buy kids (that's not how it works)