Childless Aunty

[superfly25]

I'm a childless Aunty not by choice. Just never happened for me. After shelling out on gifts for nieces and nephews am gutted to not have a single present from my siblings. Even my Grandparents only now buy for the Great Grandchildren. AIBU to expect even a small gift or card?

The parents seemed grumpy about it and explained that they meant I should still buy for the children but I said that didn’t work for me.

Wow, its one thing just assuming, quite another to actively say it! Thats cheeky as fuck..

my siblings buy nothing for the children’s grandparents FFS so are selfish gits as far as I’m concerned

The only adult we buy for now is MIL. She also stays at ours on xmas eve so shes not alone on the morning. We get her something from us, and something from the kids as otherwise she would get nothing at all and she loves getting stuff, even things from poundland most likely!

My parents whinge if I get them anything for xmas or birthdays..anything besides a card anyway. FIL is the same, except he actually sells the gifts we have got in the past on the bootsale, so we stopped. Bought him a satnav thing for 80 quid one year, and the next week went to see him and he had it on his stall for a tenner! SAid why not just ask for the reciept and get 80 back on it really, but he said it was awkward He had told us not to get him anything though, so it was kind of our fault, but we did stop then as it seemed really pointless.

I am absolutely with you OP. Myself & DH (childless) have spent a couple of hundred pounds on presents for other people's kids this year (we have 9 nieces, nephews & god children) with absolutely nothing in return (the adults don't buy for each other). I mentioned this last year to another childless friend & she basically said I was selfish as 'Christmas is for kids' so I kept quiet this year Next year there will be another 2 to buy for. No one bothers to consider whether we can afford it or if it's fair. And we rarely get a thank you from any of them.

@VulvaPerson
Indeed - which is why I take a pretty hard line now.

But in a few years their children will leave home and I will send them gifts then - so that if some end up childless they don’t ever have no gifts.

My family are very scattered globally so rarely meet at Christmas. So easy not to think about who might have nobody to buy for them. Parents forget what it was like before children.

I’m a childless auntie and we don’t do adult presents, but my sister always buys me a lovely gift for the children to give me 😊

@Fredshred
Of course. No thought or appreciation on your behalf and saves you money. Nice.

Nope, I say it as someone that has been buying presents to my nieces and nephews for 10 years. I do not expect anything back, because the joy is in giving. I do appreciate a thank you call or picture with them playing with the toy though.

Childless auntie here as well. I put a stop to us all buying for siblings a few years ago. They were just buying something for me for the sake of it whereas I actually put effort into it. Was pointless. I also had the kids to buy for with little or no thanks from the one sibling with kids.

My second sibling has a child this year as well now and they gave me a small gift for my Birthday and Christmas which means a lot stating it’s from the baby. They have also FaceTimed this morning

First sibling didn’t so much as give me a Christmas card and I’m not expecting a thank you or phone call etc either for the children’s gifts

To add I don’t want or expect a present but a Xmas card and thank you and a FaceTime would make my day.

Yes, that is self involved of your siblings and ?parents too. I'd ignore if it is your grandparents as they are likely to be on limited pensions.

My Dsis had no children and she bought presents for everyone including my DCs (us adults got small token gifts from her like body sprays or bubble bath). We always bought her plenty - she got lots of surprises and almost as many extras as DCs did!- from parents, me & DC and my DCs made her stuff same as they do for gparents. My parents spent more on her than me, when money was short, as I have DCs, because that's what I told my parents they ought do (they didn't want to be 'unfair')

We hosted xmases so she had family experience of Xmas without any of the work nor expense other than gifts -& she was hard to cook for (almost vegan diet) !!

I think your family are being unfair as even small inexpensive gifts would show they cared- and I'd cut down on cost of presents I gave to nieces and nephews, if you are shelling out a lot and your siblings - their parents- can't even be arsed to buy you a gift. It's not about the money, or value of the gift, it's the thought. My Dsis's favourite presents were the ones my DCs made her (including wonky pottery!) even though she had big gifts too! It was about valuing her.

So incomprehensible.

Amongst my close family, grandparents buy for their children /adult children and eventually grandchildren. All. Always. Siblings buy presents for each other - it doesn't stop when any of them become parents. Aunts and uncles of course buy for nephews and nieces - and receive presents from their own parents, their siblings and the children.

Obviously this is easier if you're a small group. But in a larger family I'd expect people just to decrease the amount spent on each present, or perhaps to give a joint present where appropriate.

None of this leaving people out ...

Surely, if you don't buy for your siblings then they don't buy for you. Buying gifts for kids is different. You buy gifts for children because they are kids and it is a nice thing to do.

Most people i know seem to have a tacit understanding that you don't have to buy for adults with kids if you buy their kids something, and if you don't have kids there are presents for the adults.

Most people i know seem to have a tacit understanding that you don't have to buy for adults with kids if you buy their kids something, and if you don't have kids there are presents for the adults.
That's not how we do it in our family. Seems awfully mean, children are not an extension of their parents. My childless sibling has many childless friends and they all buy heaps for each other. Sibling with a child is a young single parent with similar friends, they don't have much money to throw around. Why should they not get a present because they have a child? I buy for all adults unless there is an agreement between two not to buy for each other.

Yanbu at all. I buy for all my siblings still but 2 of them always “forget” to buy anything for me and my kids. I won’t stop buying for them because if I didn’t they might not get presents otherwise but I know the kids will always get presents from grandparents.

In your situation they should still be giving gifts for you. The only reason I buy for kids only sometimes (with extended family like cousins) is to keep costs down per family. That reason doesn’t apply to you so there’s no excuse for them to be so inconsiderate.

Also for a those who insist 'Christmas is for kids' - did you feel that way before you had kids? Should those of us without just cancel the whole thing?
This statement annoys me more than. I realised.

OMG this thread is really doing my head in.

Oh boo boo, I didn’t get any presents off my siblings to open. No one made me a stocking.

I bet many of you are not on your own and have a partner that just dropped hundreds on a present for you. I’m bet many of you got more presents than DH and I just opened because after buying for DC and extended family and paying for Christmas dinner we are too skint to buy what we want. No Jan sales for us.

If you are not happy about the situation don’t do it. Our children will survive without your presents. I bet most parents wish you wouldn’t do they have less pressure on them. My DC have received nothing from their Aunt today and they’ve not mentioned it.

Some of you are saying here that parents are selfish but actually they are probably overwhelmed and stressed out with the amount of people they have to think of. No one expects you to spend hundreds and then you grumble because you’ve not been treated like one of their children.

@GoingPlaces2021

OMG this thread is really doing my head in.

Oh boo boo, I didn’t get any presents off my siblings to open. No one made me a stocking.

I bet many of you are not on your own and have a partner that just dropped hundreds on a present for you. I’m bet many of you got more presents than DH and I just opened because after buying for DC and extended family and paying for Christmas dinner we are too skint to buy what we want. No Jan sales for us.

If you are not happy about the situation don’t do it. Our children will survive without your presents. I bet most parents wish you wouldn’t do they have less pressure on them. My DC have received nothing from their Aunt today and they’ve not mentioned it.

Some of you are saying here that parents are selfish but actually they are probably overwhelmed and stressed out with the amount of people they have to think of. No one expects you to spend hundreds and then you grumble because you’ve not been treated like one of their children.

I think you are spectacularly missing the point. It's about the sentiment, the thought, the thank you, even.

Many of us struggle financially and get stressed out at Christmas. Maybe take your own advice and don't buy for others/extended family if it causes you to go short.

@julieandertoninthewarehouse

Also for a those who insist 'Christmas is for kids' - did you feel that way before you had kids? Should those of us without just cancel the whole thing? This statement annoys me more than. I realised.

I don't have kids and I think Christmas presents are mainly for kids, not the whole day or the Christmas period, but the presents thing. As an adult if I want something I can buy it. If anyone wants to help with that, to be honest cash is the best present. My brother with a child does send me a present, but I would really be happy with just seeing my DN, or failing that a video or photo of her.

I think there is a massive miscommunication on both sides.

Please buy my DC a chocolate Santa if you must or bung them a tenner and in return I'm very happy to buy you a box of Lindt or a bottle of Shiraz. That's it though. I'm not doing a stocking or schlepping round John Lewis looking for an Estée Lauder gift set for you or a fondue set. You aren't my 3rd child and I'm not Santa.

This all sounds mean but I'm SICK of adults acting like babies at Christmas.

OP just wanted a token gift and Christmas is for everyone - peace and goodwill to all men/women

It's good to show your dc how to be considerate and maybe help them chose a present for their aunt?

@GoingPlaces2021

OMG this thread is really doing my head in.

Oh boo boo, I didn’t get any presents off my siblings to open. No one made me a stocking.

I bet many of you are not on your own and have a partner that just dropped hundreds on a present for you. I’m bet many of you got more presents than DH and I just opened because after buying for DC and extended family and paying for Christmas dinner we are too skint to buy what we want. No Jan sales for us.

If you are not happy about the situation don’t do it. Our children will survive without your presents. I bet most parents wish you wouldn’t do they have less pressure on them. My DC have received nothing from their Aunt today and they’ve not mentioned it.

Some of you are saying here that parents are selfish but actually they are probably overwhelmed and stressed out with the amount of people they have to think of. No one expects you to spend hundreds and then you grumble because you’ve not been treated like one of their children.

You’re a perfect example!

I have no objections to you not buying for others. But expect nothing in return for your family. But you’ve illustrated the other parent-assumption which is that those with no children have endless time and money and no stress or pressure. We don’t. And we don’t all have partners either.

But as ever there are always those with kids who are so self centred they only see their own little world.

Maybe I’ll just leave everything I own to charity. I’m starting to understand why people do.

@GoingPlaces2021 I wouldnt bother with you at all if I was a relative, what a horrible post. I'm sure you would actually be moaning if they didn't get your children anything, but I hope they don't bother in the future.

kowari do all the children in your family buy for all the adults?

@GoingPlaces2021

I think there is a massive miscommunication on both sides.

Please buy my DC a chocolate Santa if you must or bung them a tenner and in return I'm very happy to buy you a box of Lindt or a bottle of Shiraz. That's it though. I'm not doing a stocking or schlepping round John Lewis looking for an Estée Lauder gift set for you or a fondue set. You aren't my 3rd child and I'm not Santa.

This all sounds mean but I'm SICK of adults acting like babies at Christmas.

You have exactly the right idea. Tokens are perfect - little effort or money needed on all sides.

The last year I bought gifts, one of my siblings (unprompted) emailed me with details of what the kids wanted. Nothing on the list was less than £75, per child. I didn’t buy any of it - they got something I chose. But this idea that I have bags of money and nothing better to do with it than lavish it on other people’s children is what pisses me off! I was spending over £1,500 on gifts each year and getting back about £150 worth in return. Grabby and greedy.

Far better to let parents buy for their children and leave it at that.

It also means the childless of the family can get each other thoughtful expensive gifts!!

@julieandertoninthewarehouse

Also for a those who insist 'Christmas is for kids' - did you feel that way before you had kids? Should those of us without just cancel the whole thing? This statement annoys me more than. I realised.

Me too.

julieandertoninthewarehouse
Also for a those who insist 'Christmas is for kids' - did you feel that way before you had kids? Should those of us without just cancel the whole thing?
This statement annoys me more than. I realised.
Me too.

And me three. Christmas is for everyone and having been the single, childless aunty I too have up buying presents for my siblings children after years of not even getting a thank you. It's the entitlement and the assumption that I should buy them things that got to me. The selfishness that their parents showed and the callousness towards me and my feelings.