To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

From a safeguarding perspective, I would feel very disappointed if a trained professional didn’t know of common used slang words for a vulva, vagina, anus and penis etc to ensure abuse didn’t go unnoticed.

[quote randomer]@WhipperSnapperSteve,obviously you are an expert in this field.My point is that thousands and thousands of pounds are spent on paperwork to say people are safe to work with children and those very people do hideous things. Just as people use correct terminology and still are abused.[/quote]
No, but both myself and other members of my family including one of my children have been subjected to CSA, so I seek to educate myself.

Paedophiles target 3YO'S, and younger, on the basis they will get a free pass in the courtroom.

There's nothing wrong per se but at that age we just used bottom for the whole of that region, no need for specifics. I've got to middle age without ever needing to use the anatomically correct name tbh

@WunWun

Vulva is such a revolting word though. My DD says vagina, which while isn't 100% correct will stop any potential problems with 'grandad touched my flower' kind of statements.

Fucking 'vulva' though.. I think I'd rather she said cunt.

Pretty much this..

Find it weird hearing a small child using the word vulva. I think they can be taught both.

Mine says ‘Willy’ when he does feel the need to tel me anything about it but does know the word penis is the ‘correct’ name for it (in case it’s not obvious he’s a boy)

I think it’s the specifics of what she said is what’s upsetting your DH’s family. Maybe something like “I’m just finishing/doing the paperwork” would work better? It’s TMI to describe what, exactly, she is attending to when visitors are there...

From a safeguarding perspective, I would feel very disappointed if a trained professional didn’t know of common used slang words for a vulva, vagina, anus and penis etc to ensure abuse didn’t go unnoticed

Yes of course. But much of the time abuse doesn't initially get disclosed to professional people. Professional involvement comes later.

@Notjustanymum

I think it’s the specifics of what she said is what’s upsetting your DH’s family. Maybe something like “I’m just finishing/doing the paperwork” would work better? It’s TMI to describe what, exactly, she is attending to when visitors are there...

The op did ask if she was finished yet ,otherwise the child would have said nothing and what she did say wasn't wrong. If you ask a question you must expect an answer.

As for 'bottom' being the entire region, I've never heard that before.

@WunWun

Vulva is such a revolting word though. My DD says vagina, which while isn't 100% correct will stop any potential problems with 'grandad touched my flower' kind of statements.

Fucking 'vulva' though.. I think I'd rather she said cunt.

@Kaliorphic

From a safeguarding perspective, I would feel very disappointed if a trained professional didn’t know of common used slang words for a vulva, vagina, anus and penis etc to ensure abuse didn’t go unnoticed

Yes of course. But much of the time abuse doesn't initially get disclosed to professional people. Professional involvement comes later.

Really? I would have though a teacher, who would have at least an element of safeguarding training, would often be the first port of call.

Being the Latin, medical term doesn't make it the "correct" term to use in everyday conversation. I kind of think using medical terminology suggests an alienation from those parts of our body. It is, also, an awful word, and I too would almost prefer good old English "cunt"

Training in slang words for penis or vulva has played no part in the child protection training I've had over the years.

Everyone “revolted” by the word vulva... I’m genuinely curious- what feelings do these words evoke?

Ulnar
Skull
Medulla
Uvula
Frenulum

Is it revulsion? Genuinely curious.

I don't see the issue at all and plan to teach mine the same anatomically correct words when we can. I read somewhere that it can actually help to flag signs of sex abuse if children know the words for their genitals.

@melisande99

Being the Latin, medical term doesn't make it the "correct" term to use in everyday conversation. I kind of think using medical terminology suggests an alienation from those parts of our body. It is, also, an awful word, and I too would almost prefer good old English "cunt"

No-one says they have dysmenorrhea or uterus pain when they have period pain.

@ItsIgginningtolookalotlikeXmas

Training in slang words for penis or vulva has played no part in the child protection training I've had over the years.

So you honestly would disregard a child saying willy or fanny etc because it’s outside your training area? Surely you are trained for signs to look out for and then investigate further? If I’m at work and a child says they hurt, I ask where and if they say tummy, I will know the area of the body they are talking about and question further until I understand. Don’t you?

I had certainly never heard "tuppence" when I came on here or many of the words used for female gentitals. The post implied teachers were trained in these words, I've just answered that I wasn't.

@TatianaBis oh God, you've just reminded me of the way American TV is all "uterus" ("youdrrrus") and no "womb". I realise this is a niche complaint but it really grates.

Personally I'd like my kids to know the proper names for parts of the body, but would maybe use a more child friendly version for every day use.
For example I bet most people say bum instead of buttocks, head instead of cranium or finger instead of phalanges.
🤔

@AnaisNun

Everyone “revolted” by the word vulva... I’m genuinely curious- what feelings do these words evoke?

Ulnar
Skull
Medulla
Uvula
Frenulum

Is it revulsion? Genuinely curious.

Yes, they all feel vaguely unpleasant to me (apart from skull, which is a common vocabulary word, not Latin). They feel like we're doing a dissection, not talking about ourselves. I'm not even sure what some of them are, off the top of my head. I would rather use the common English words, if we have them.

@melisande99

Fair enough re finding the words unpleasant (though I personally find that a bit unrelatable, to each their own).

But you’ve actually hit the nail on the head I would rather use the common English words, if we have them.

That’s the problem. There is no standard, single “common” word for vulva- look at the range on this thread from tuppence to Minnie to flower to cookie. So we must teach our children the real words to ensure they’re understood if they need to be both now and in future - for healthcare, for safeguarding etc

I haven't read the whole thread but please could someone explain something to me ..

A few posters have mentioned that it is important to use the correct word in case of abuse. Why is that?

(I have 2 very young children so am trying to educate myself, I have no experience in this area)

For example, if a child was abused and they told an adult that someone touched their "minnie" , wouldn't that be believed or understood that that's what they are referring too?

@Mommabear20 in this house bum is to bottom as belly is to tummy. Not very nice.

Why is vulva vulgar. It's a word that accurately describes an area of the body. Pissflaps is vulgar. Vulva is the correct terminology and rather less vulgar than bum and belly imo.

For example, if a child was abused and they told an adult that someone touched their "minnie" , wouldn't that be believed or understood that that's what they are referring too?
I think it's not always that children tell adults directly. It's when they are playing and mimicking events with their toys that it can be revealed. So they might not walk up to an adult and say uncle Bob touches my vulva. But they might reenact something where Teddy touches barbie. Teddy saying let me see your flower isn't going to raise concerns that let me see your vulva would.

@formulaquestion

There are some safeguarding experts on this thread who can talk you through it, but basically, it’s too open to interpretation/challenge in court.

I am not trained in child protection, I read an article once about how young children reveal abuse.