To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

We have nicknames for various body parts including privates of both sexes, we also use the official names for more serious occasions. Ds and DD both know the names for all the bits. I was brought up with taboos over this stuff and it's garbage. Your body so you can name it in whatever style suits the occasion and no ignorance for either sex means when they go out into the world they will know their stuff and hopefully if it isn't weird note they can talk about it with us if they need to.

@Thefaceofboe

Genuine question to the people who use correct terminology, do you teach your children about their clit? And Bellend? (Is that the eight word) I know the clit is part of the vulva just really curious how much detail you go into!

I think clit comes later. I never knew anything about my clit until I was over 20 :-). My mother didn't teach me about it but she had probably never heard of it.

What's a bellend? I don't think I have one of those but I know some people were outside at 6pm waving them about or something so they must be cheerful.

@jessstan1 all your usual posts I had you pictured as quite a quiet , old.fashioned soul. You're on the wind up tonight

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@jessstan1 all your usual posts I had you pictured as quite a quiet , old.fashioned soul. You're on the wind up tonight [/quote]
I was a wild child of the sixties, Wheresmykinchi.

We called it the ninky nonk... when my ds now 7 watched in the night garden for the first time in years last week he was in hysterics about the ninky nonk... I had to explain that a vagina isn't really called a ninky nonk... his mind was blown

@jessstan1 so you are in your 40s not in your 70s like other posts.

Interesting you didn't reply to my other questions when I pointed you went from having no children to two in a thread.

Sorry Jess I meant 70s and not 40s

Vulva sounds vulgar in my opinion
Couldn't agree more.

Let's go with 'flaps'.

I've never as an adult referred to wiping my "vulva" to me that's like pretentiously using latin names for other body parts. I don't talk about my patellas, I say knees.

I would just say wiping bottom. If there was some (god knows what) reason to clarify further, front for a wee, back for a poo

I dunno. Kids are being taught a whole different language that links bodies and subjective identities. If we don't give them the tools to describe exactly what it is they're referring to, I worry that they'll be unable to describe themselves without resorting to stereotypes.

this topic comes up a lot. I don’t have a problem with someone teaching their kids the correct terms it’s a good thing. Obviously you know the correct term.

However at 3 I don’t see the rush. It’s laughable that a few posters are making out that many TODDLERS use that term vulva.... I have never heard any medical staff call it that or adults in real life it’s must be in MN land.

What on earth is wrong with using the correct names for body parts? If it feels gross or shameful to use vulva, clitoris, labia, vagina, then deal with why these names are gross or shameful to you. Why are these names gross or shameful when penis and testicles are fine?

@eyesbiggerthanstomach presumably because the first reference to abuse can be a simple statement (see my example), so if the person being told doesn’t recognise the word as referring to a body part they wouldn’t realise the child has been abused and therefore ask further.

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@jessstan1 so you are in your 40s not in your 70s like other posts.

Interesting you didn't reply to my other questions when I pointed you went from having no children to two in a thread.[/quote]
No, not me. I've never said I have two children. I have one, aged 41. I am seventy, seventy one at the end of the month. I was a teenager in the 1960s and did go a bit wild from 1964-65. I think you must be getting me mixed up with another poster. Honestly, I have never lied or even joked about being younger or having less or more children. I like where I am in life.

It's true I didn't know about my clitoris :-).

I've just been through every post I've made on this thread (not that difficult as they are all pink :-)), and nothing I have said indicated that I was in my forties or how many children I have, if any.

Never mind, let us chill, it is Christmas day (though I'm having mine tomorrow); this thread has been hilarious and cheered me up no end.

Cheers everyone .

Vulva sounds vulgar in my opinion
Couldn't agree more.

Let's go with 'flaps'.

Brilliant.

When Jessstan said she was a 'child if the 60s' I assume this meant she grew up then, not born then. I say j grew up in the 80s, cos that's when I was finishing school/starting work/losing my virginity etc. I was born in the 60s though.

I don't pee out of my vulva. That is merely the exterior opening of the vagina. Pee comes from the urethra, further forward than the vulva. Any three year olds saying 'urethra'?!

@jessstan1

I've just been through every post I've made on this thread (not that difficult as they are all pink :-)), and nothing I have said indicated that I was in my forties or how many children I have, if any.

Never mind, let us chill, it is Christmas day (though I'm having mine tomorrow); this thread has been hilarious and cheered me up no end.

Cheers everyone .

Not on this thread but you have posted on others about being 40 and childless.

Okdoke @jessstan1. Merry Christmas one and all.

About 20 years ago, I was a junior doctor, working in a children's health clinic alongside a health visitor. The HV came to me, saying she was worried about one of the babies because "they had a hairy fairy". I was completely bemused. Why were they telling me about the baby's doll's hair??? It took several minutes of mutual incomprehension before it became apparent that she was talking about pubic hair, and we could move onto arranging investigation for possible precocious puberty. Thus I can absolutely understand how use of variable cutesy terms could impede communication by a child of what had happened to them.

I get it now. Shows how old I am, we used to refer to ourselves as 'children of the sixties' or 'wild child of the sixties'. Makes no odds, I still didn't know about my clitoris :-). I expect you, growing up in the 80s, did.

For someone above, the urethra is in the vulva. I looked it up to be precise:
"Your urethra is between the inner lips (labia minora) of your vulva, where it resides below your clitoris and above your vagina opening."

I was born in 1960 and regard myself as a child of the 60s. Bambi, Willy Wonka, Watch with Mother and Bill &Ben all featured along with Little House on the Prairie, Narnia and Nancy Drew, listening to mother and grandma debating the pill and the Abortion Act and welcoming both, mother in Quant and taking me to Biba, the Kings Road, student riots of 1968.

The 70s were about equal rights for women, Green peace, Greenham Common, glam rock then punk, the three day week, joining the EEC, loons, midis, platforms, clogs and the popular birth of Laura Ashley.

Despite all that I do recall knowing at 13, when I started my periods, where my vagina was, what a hymen was, where I wee'd from and what and where the clitoris was. It was fairly freely available information and it astounds me that there is such recoil from a factual word amongst women who must has been born far later than me.

I agree it is silly to recoil from correct words and I particularly don't understand what is wrong with 'vulva'. Well, that is what this thread is all about really but with humorous bits thrown in. I imagine most people know and use the correct words where necessary but also have 'pet' names for their parts. However to only ever use colloquialisms and to flinch from 'proper' terms is a bit coy. We are not Edwardians, don't cover our table legs and know our bodies are wondrous thing.

Id laugh at all the people here who think toddlers using correct anatomical terminology is wrong, if it wasn’t so disturbing

DS is 4. Since the first time he pointed at his penis and said “what dat?” hes known it’s a penis and called it such. He was maybe 2, 2 and a half? Not long after he asked what I had “there” and I told him a vulva. He has since used the word vulva.

As someone who grew up in an unsafe environment I think it’s fucking CRITICAL children know correct terminology.

It’s in no way hurried his “growing up.” He’s quite babyish for 4, really, although he has great language skills and has always “led” on verbal development. Teaching him proper words for things gives him a small toolkit to help adults around him look after him
If (god forbid) anything horrendous happens or is suspected to.

I pray I’ll never be in a situation where we need to ask him questions like that, but if we do, at least there won’t be any fucking around trying to decipher what “winky” or “doodah” means.