The forgotten Mum

[damnthatanxiety]

I feel so down. Married for nearly 30 years to a good man who I love and who I know loves me. But I feel completely taken for granted and at the bottom of the priority list. He hasn't got me anything for Christmas. He panics at gift buying. TBF he has bought be phenomenal gifts in the past but in recent years, he has relied on me buying something for myself and him wrapping it up for Christmas/birthday. Anniversary and valentines have gone by the wayside. I always speak with the DC (2 are young adults living with us. 1 is a teen) to make sure they have something for their dad, write a nice card etc. I make Christmas all magical and lovely fir everyone. The older two are ok. One better than the other but they at least write lovely genuinely heartfelt cards. I don't want them spending lots on me. Just show their love and appreciation. The younger one loves to do all this but has to rely on a parent to help with the logistics of going to buy stuff (transport etc). I always make sure to do this with her for DH. I always wanted them to grow up feeling that it was important to show gratitude and love at times of celebration. I found out last night that DH has 'forgotten' to do anything for me this Christmas. He's been super busy I know but he has literally forgotten to do anything. Youngest one was all concerned that she hasn't got me anything as her dad hasn't taken her to the shops (she can't get their alone). And now they are all shut. He looked horrified and said he had 'forgotten'. Forgotten me. Forgotten that I am a person to treat. Forgotten to prioritise me. Forgotten that I count at Christmas too.
I slept in the sofa last night and this morning have told him that I'm done with Christmas. That he has done a shit job of parenting the DC to prioritise me ever and that Christmas is done as far as I'm concerned. Presents are wrapped. House looks pretty. Food has been bought. It's all on him now. I'm done. I'm done with making it all nice for everyone and now feeling forgotten and unimportant.

That's tough... it's difficult because it's more showing the kids to appreciate you and all tte work you do to make Christmas lovely.. us mums go all out usually and him not even lifting a finger to make sure the kids are happy that They have bought you something is utterly crap!!!
Even my ex does that he went out last week with the boys with a 'list' and he bought it all bless him

But it's about showing appreciation for your efforts which he isn't showing

I'm sorry 😞

@ancientgran

In the current world where you can buy pretty much anything to be delivered in a day or two there is ZERO excuse to not get a gift. What's the excuse for buying loads of crap? Does anyone need a scented candle? A Pandora charm? Some celebrity promoted perfume? Have a walk round when the dustmen are due next week and look at the bins overflowing with the wrappings and think if the bins are overflowing with sparkly paper how much "stuff" that no one needs is in those houses.

It is no wonder the world is in crisis.

Since you’ve quoted me. Just because it can be delivered doesn’t mean it’s ‘crap’. What a weird snidey, judgemental post.

We’re a very low waste household and manage to buy thoughtful gifts. My toddlers are either wooden or second hand. I’ve got my husband some new walking shoes as he needed them. Exciting? No, thoughtful? Yes.

Some people don’t half post shite on here.

What's the excuse for buying loads of crap? Does anyone need a scented candle? A Pandora charm? Some celebrity promoted perfume?

Nope nobody needs that, but it's damn nice to receive them.

OP, totally unacceptable, I'm really sorry this has happened.

I can completely get where OP is coming from and why a last minute panic gift bought on Christmas Eve doesn’t rectify the situation. It’s not that she doesn’t have an item and wanted one, it’s that he forgot her.

OP, I’m sorry, and you are behaving entirely reasonably. The way they rectify this is not fucking up again and treating you with consideration and respect, not grabbing any random gift they can get at the last minute. That alleviates their discomfort but I bet it doesn’t yours.

So there was no present forthcoming this morning?

What a shit he is.

My toddlers are either wooden or second hand.

This made me laugh!

I went all out and my toddlers are human and new!

I'm not keen on my toddlers. Think I'll send them back

Just take the batteries out

My toddlers are teenagers, now. Just as arsey but better able to entertain themselves.

I didn't get anything to open but dh had ordered from a local business who delivered in person. I was the one who answered the door, as he was working :o

How did it go OP? What did your daughter rustle up for you? Don't suppose dh pulled something out if the hat in the last minute?

@C8H10N4O2

I have been married almost 40 years and I can assure you that all my sons and my husband do gift-giving, they have been trained by me to do it. They also do all the other things you mention

Why did they need training and why was it your job? My (adult) sons sort out their own gift giving just as well as their sisters. I didn't train them but we did set expectations that it was all their responsibilities to think of others, not just the girls.

I didn't say they didn't do it I said they found it hard....to get the ideal gift. I find it relatively easy for other women, but harder for men, despite all the practice

And that was the point of my response. I think its tosh that men find it harder, they just have a handy cop out in the form of low expectations and women who do it for them.

I didn't train them but we did set expectations that it was all their responsibilities to think of others

And that is exactly what we did, we trained them or, if you prefer, we set expectations. Same idea, different words.

How are you OP? What happened in the end? Did you manage to enjoy yourself with the home made gifts from dd?