To not find it unusual that my children still live with me

[Tellmelies65]

My children are 23 and 25 and both still live at home. When I’m asked how old they are.people often remark that they are quite old to be living at home still. They pay rent and do household chores. I would have thought most young adults are better off living at home.

@vickyp0llard

Give it a few years and see who has a great job, is living in a very nice property, after having travelled extensively

What? Me and my friends have never lived at home after 18 yet we've all managed to save deposits, have a nice house and travel extensively. If you're on a decent graduate salary of 30k+ and live with a partner then you can save more than your rent each month. It's not a dichotomy of "live with parents and save" or "spend every last penny on rent", unless you're earning minimum wage and live alone.

good for you

I don't know many of MY friends who didn't benefit from parental help, a few even moved back in when their newly bought "family home" needed work and it was easier than living in a building site...they were much older than mid-20 then.

I am responding to all the posters who see it as a failure to be home, when clearly it's not.

In the area where I ended up, houses are not cheap (good commute to London, excellent schools) - not a boast, just merely acknowledging that home owners have done ok.

I agree it's not one or the other, but it's not the way this thread is going for the majority is it.

I'd have carried on living with my DM if she didn't make it clear I wasn't wanted.

that's awful. You are not the only one, but I can't understand parents who want nothing to do with their kids once they reach 18.

I much rather have kids staying with us for a few more years and making the most of it, than kids forced to rent and missing out on travel etc.

I think it depends on where you live. I do get that if in expensive living areas and saving for house deposits it kinda makes sense. I left home at 18 and never moved back half a summer was long enough for me as I was so used to my own space, cooking etc.

I lived in house shares til 25 and really enjoyed it. I've always been independent though my brother on the other hand left home at 30 by which time my parents were very fed up with him!

@Tellmelies65

My children are 23 and 25 and both still live at home. When I’m asked how old they are.people often remark that they are quite old to be living at home still. They pay rent and do household chores. I would have thought most young adults are better off living at home.

People really apply their experience of moving out years ago, buying a house for a bag of beans and walking into a job right out of school, compared to the reality of young people today who can get university degrees and still not guaranteed a job after, and house prices being so high.

It's perfectly normal for people to live with their parents for as long as they need to, and for as long as their parents are happy to have them home.

I'd have mine home for however long they needed to be home. I won't be raising my children for the time I grew up in, if that makes any sense. Situations will change alway.

Find it funny that people are saying 'decent graduate salary of £30k+'

That's highly unusual outside of finance/STEM.

I was on £17k in 2017 and most of my friends were between £22k and £25k.

Mine both left home at 19, they enjoy the independence, we still get on really well. Whatever suits each person best really.

I have family in the south east, where housing costs are higher, and this is very much the norm.
I live in an area of Scotland where housing is much cheaper. Ds(18) moved into dorms this year for uni, and plans to rent a flat next year, likely with his gf. They could get somewhere pretty decent for around £500pcm.
So I think it’s maybe area dependent.

We bought a house when I was 21 and DP was 24 straight after I finished uni (in 2018). We saved so much while I was at uni and DP did stay at home- and just did things on the cheap (I dont feel we missed out!). Many friends or ours are still at home and complain they can't afford the deposit but easily drop 5k on a holiday several times a year! We are happy and now we have the house we have far more disposable income and can start getting whatever we want however if DP hadn't stayed at home it wouldn't have been possible.

We are in the south east where room even in a not very nice area are £500 plus a month. I charge £400 a month so they aren’t paying a very small amount of rent. I do need the money off them though.

From a dating perspective, if I were single I wouldn’t want to go out with someone my age (25) who lived at home.

I do think it is unusual to live at home in your example OP where it’s actually not much cheaper for your DC so they might as well move out for the minimal extra cost.

I have one friend who was living at home but has now just bought a house because her parents didn’t charge her rent, and the only other people I know who live at home can’t afford to move out because they have retail type jobs. I think everyone else I know my age with a career/salary (as opposed to wage) has moved out.

@heseesyouwhenyouaresleeping I don't understand your comment if I'm honest. I did not rely on my husband. I've always worked and all the money we have had come from me.
I lived independently at university from 18. My dad shut down after my mum passed away so from 15 my sister and I did washing, cooking and looked after ourselves. No reliance on anyone.
I moved in with my husband and his friend,as work friends, at 21, I did not know I would end up marrying him and having our rainbow baby 8 years later. If I hadn't moved in with him, I would have lived with my sister. We have had multiple inheritances so have always been able to buy a house each, so staying at home was never an option.

I can see both sides, but one thing I do think is that young people have much higher expectations of accommodation these days, and don't want to live in a flat share in a semi-squalid place. When I was at uni in the early 90s we had one loo and shower between 6 of us. Now a lot of them are ensuite, which must set the bar quite high.

@Tellmelies65

We are in the south east where room even in a not very nice area are £500 plus a month. I charge £400 a month so they aren’t paying a very small amount of rent. I do need the money off them though.

£400 is that what you charge your children? How would you manage if they moved out?!

I moved back after a nasty split, and then went to work in the USA and moved back in again.
Once a new job was sorted i found my own place again. I still paid rent and contributed to the house when I moved back.

I love this once were saved enough to move out were actually hoping to put an annex on the property for my parents both have health problems and I work but do care for them along side. It works for us 😊

I have a friend who has a 36 year old at home. She's lovely and if anything does more round the house than her own parents.
She has health issues but works, is single, no kids but by this thread she would be seen as the ultimate loser which is really sad because she is wonderful and not an 'oddball' or failure in anyway.

Honestly a 23 and 25 year old at home, a few years in to a career, saving for a deposit, doing some travelling, having a whale of a time socially etc - not in the slightest bit odd.

A thirty-something who has never grown up/progressed to more grown up friendships or relationships, still goes on ‘family holidays’ with parents etc is not right IMO.

There is a sliding scale there and and some point it does become inappropriate or odd.

I moved out (and in with DH, then DP) at 27. I’d been away to uni and house-shared but came home at 22 to save for my own place. I do accept that if it wasn’t for friends having their own places and DH living in a house share, it would have been hard to have a ‘proper’ twenty-something social life living at home and I knew it was a sacrifice and had to be creative IYSWIM.

At the same time I have a mid-30’s acquaintance now who lives at home still, holidays with parents etc and it’s increasingly difficult to relate to her. IMO you just can’t grow up properly if you allow yourself to continue to be a child.

That's quite a sweeping statement PP.
If my friends daughter suddenly moved out tomorrow, would you then find her mature and able to relate to?
How do you describe adults who live with parents who end up becoming their carer? Still not mature?

Honestly, some of the most immature people I have met have been married, sometimes several times over. I would never judge someone for living at home unless they were a layabout and were taking the mick with the family. So glad I am open minded and that I don't think I am better than others because of who I live with.

As someone in their early 20s, I think it’s definitely more common in my generation.

I moved out at 18 for university in London. I’m 23 now and moved back in with my mum for 8 months after I graduated as many years of London rent meant I had no savings and bit of credit card debt. Being at my mum’s allowed me to reset my finances and placed me in a better position when I moved out the 2nd time vs if I had stayed renting in London. Let’s be honest, I won’t be able to buy a house in London or Surrey (hometown) any time soon. The housing marking is becoming more and more unattainable for first time buyers.

@CorianderQueen

Find it funny that people are saying 'decent graduate salary of £30k+'

That's highly unusual outside of finance/STEM.

I was on £17k in 2017 and most of my friends were between £22k and £25k.

30k is on the high side, I'll give you that, but I started on 25k and managed to save a deposit and rent - even in a London houseshare. We rent a tiny flat but that £720pm between 2 is worth it a thousand times over to have our own space and independence. I would rather spend the money than have it and still be living with parents. I get it's better financially but so is living in a Scottish village and WFH - doesn't mean I'd want to do it.

I think its totally normal and as a few have said, will become more common (again)

I think it's common in 2020...but the "youth" of today are very different to how we were, and I'm only 32 so my 20s weren't that long ago! But a lot has changed.
Lots of late teens and early 20-somethings now seem quite risk-averse and are content to live with parents.
When I was that age I craved fun and independence. Moved out at 18 for uni, then travelled and moved around for jobs a lot. Lived in some grim house shares and party houses until I met DH and we moved into a cheap rented room in a rough part of town. Now we have our own flat and will hopefully buy a bigger family house next year.
Sure, I could've bought my own place at 24 if I'd stayed home to save.
But I'm glad I had those learning experiences and rites of passage...you never get those years back and you have the rest of your life to save and be sensible. IMO you just can't have those milestone experiences while living at home, no matter how many bills you pay or how many chores you do. It's just not the same.
All my peers had similar trajectories too...I don't know anyone who stayed living with parents and it would've been considered unusual.

Sorry @TrinidadQueen I forgot that in MN you have to caveat everything you say to make sure you include every scenario , but living with a parent because you are their carer is quite obviously different to just ‘remaining the child’ living at home which is what I describe above.

I’m sure that if the dynamic shifts and the person I describe above ends up being the responsible adult (for lack of a better phrase), I’m sure she would deal with it just fine, but it’s not the same thing

I think it's normal nowadays. My late 20s sister still lives at home and a few of her friends do, but I would hate it. I rented various house and flatshares until I lived with OH.

I think it shows om the difference between us even though we're not two full years apart in age. My sister doesn't have a lot of life experience, doesn't know how to pay bills or sort a tripped fuse box, doesn't really know the boring relentless mundane bits of adulthood (something always needs cleaning or fixing, you actually have to do food shopping and cook). I think if your children are self sufficient then living at home is fine, but if you pander to them (looking at you, mum) it does then a disservice.

Mine are 26 & 25 still living with me. They came back here after Uni. Same, they work and do chores. I'd rather them home with me, and saving money. & I love their company and we live happily. We live in London, house prices are stupid. Should they go and throw money away on private renting, to prove a point? Whatever that point is, who knows. One-upmanship, I guess. They're both in LTR saving with their partners who also live at home with their parents. I expect they'll move out late next year. They aren't planning to buy in London and I'm glad. What's it to do with anyone else anyway? People need to mind their own business. I'm often amazed by nosey presumptuous stuff said by "friends" on here. This particular thing isn't even a topic I've ever heard raised in real life. The only youngers I know of who left home early didn't go it alone anyway, they went to live with a man and come to think of it 2 are back at parents, with their babies too.