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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not find it unusual that my children still live with me

296 replies

Tellmelies65 · 23/12/2020 23:07

My children are 23 and 25 and both still live at home. When I’m asked how old they are.people often remark that they are quite old to be living at home still. They pay rent and do household chores. I would have thought most young adults are better off living at home.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 23/12/2020 23:30

I lived with my parents until I was 25. I paid ‘rent’ and saved.
I bought my first house at 25. Sold it for stupid money six years later when I moved in with dh.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 23/12/2020 23:33

@wellthatsunusual my neighbours DD lived at home until she was in her late 20s. She paid rent but lived pretty frugally and saved most of her wages.

People made comments and jokes but she had the last laugh when she'd bought a house outright before she'd even hit 30. There's a lot to be said for knowing what you want and sticking to it.

whereisthelove101 · 23/12/2020 23:34

Hmm, no, it's fine as long as they're pulling their weight and saving and not taking piss. I think it sounds old BUT only because I moved out at 16, however, I moved out to rent and am now 28 and still renting and no closer towards buying my own place so your DC's are smart and doing it the correct way.

As long as you are happy having them there and they are planning for the future and not dossing then the hell what anyone says or thinks.

Hope you all have a lovely Christmas.

Mrsmadevans · 23/12/2020 23:35

I would say it is the norm nowdays , at least around here in SE Wales.

Jenasaurus · 23/12/2020 23:37

My eldest lived at home until he was 29, he saved for his first home and bought it 2 years ago with his girlfriend. She lived with us at weekends before that. My middle son didnt come back after leaving for uni, he met his fiance at uni and they bought a place last year (27) but my DD (25) and her bf still live with me as she is a mature uni student studying to be a teacher, whilst working at a nursey, so by living with me it helps her save and prepare for a better future when she graduates and launches her career. It works ok, and I think a lot of DC stay at home a lot longer now to save money and get a headstart on the housing ladder.

IRememberMySpaceBabe · 23/12/2020 23:38

I moved out to uni but had to come home (2009, not long after the credit crunch, no jobs to be had where I was. Moved out at 25 in the end into rented but it was hard - rented with boyfriend (now DH) at 26 which made it easier

Jenasaurus · 23/12/2020 23:39

I left home and bought my first house at 19, but tbf I came home a few times when things didnt work out so had one foot at home and one as an independent person :)

JaceLancs · 23/12/2020 23:39

I have DS 27 who lives with me
DD 29 lives with her DP and hovers at mine
I am happy with this as are they

MidnightHangingTree · 23/12/2020 23:43

I would say that's around the age that they should be thinking about buying a house and moving out if they've lived at home and had full time jobs since they were 18... I bought my house with my partner a month after I turned 24 and I had saved a £30k deposit in the 5 years that I'd been working and living with parents. I'm now 26 and can't think of many people from my school year who haven't bought houses yet, and I don't think I know of anyone who still lives at home with their parents.

SameToo · 23/12/2020 23:43

I left home at 18 and never went back. I realise this will be unlikely for my children. As long as they are contributing in some way I think it’s fine.

WeAllHaveWings · 23/12/2020 23:44

It is pretty normal nowadays and understandable with housing prices in some areas, but at the same time they are missing out on those early twenties years of being independent and carefree in their own home.

Being able to go out clubbing and say an impromptu lets to back to mine and have friends over kipping on every sofa/piece of floor available.

They are missing out on friends just showing up for a takeaway and just spending time together.

Early twenties are a great time before friends start coupling off in LTR, getting married/having families.

Happymum12345 · 23/12/2020 23:45

You must have a very happy and comfortable home to be living in. I was desperate to leave home at 18 to get away from my mum as she was very difficult to live with.

Notthe9oclocknewsathon · 23/12/2020 23:46

It’s been normal in the SE at least for a very long time. To be honest given everything with the economy I think permanent multigenerational set ups will be more and more common. The old ways of doing things don’t really make sense.

Ploughingthrough · 23/12/2020 23:46

It's certainly not unusual these days, the cost of living is astronomical for young people and it makes sense to stay home for a little longer if possible. My DC are young but we are getting ready to buy a bigger home with the expectation that they may well wish/need to live with us into their twenties.

StillMedusa · 23/12/2020 23:47

Mine are 23 and 26.. at home
28 and 27 year olds have moved out now.
I'm in no hurry and they are saving!

SarahAndQuack · 23/12/2020 23:47

I think it's increasingly not unusual, but I think they're not 'children' any more. Obviously they'll always be your babies. But they're not children and they need to have a plan to move out, IMO.

My partner has siblings who never moved out, and yes, sure, they 'do household chores' and pay rent (in fact they pay most of the household expenses). But it's still their childhood home, and they've never grown up. It is becoming increasingly clear that, when MIL and FIL die, we will become their carers. Not because they have any innate need of carers, but because they have reached their mid/late 30s without ever learning life skills they need, and now it's so late, they can't imagine how things would work.

I am sure they are the absolute extreme, but it does make me feel very cautious about the whole idea of adult offspring not being required to stand on their own two feet.

janetmendoza · 23/12/2020 23:48

DS is really well organised and quite frugal. Done a first degree and now working and doing a masters. He's lived away at uni and rented for work, but very sensibly I would say, he is now living at home to save. He will move out into a purchased home within a year. I really don't see how any of them manage it any sooner.

Lazypuppy · 23/12/2020 23:48

I think its odd, and not great for life experiences.

By 23, i hadbeen to uni, lived on my own, bought a flat, by 25,i had bought a house with my partner.

I think its so important for kids to move out late teens,live with friends or something, learn how to budget/pay bills etc/have a chance to make mistakes and fail

Charlie63849 · 23/12/2020 23:52

I find it a little odd but I moved out at 19. I’m now 30 and Iv never been back. Have 2 kids and a mortgage.

My brother left at 16 but went back at the weekends (career he picked meant he was away mon-fri from 16) and he also moved out from 19. He’s 2 years younger then me & married with a mortgage.

Yeahnahmum · 23/12/2020 23:52

I was craving independence at 18 so i left. To me it sounds 'old' to be still living at your parents house at that age (of your kids op) . But still better then the 27ds mentioned earlier 😅. Each to their own i guess. And as long as you dont mind it, it's perfectly fine

I had a world of adventures that i wouldn't have been able to do when still living with my parents 😆.

jessstan1 · 23/12/2020 23:53

Not at all unusual nowadays, pay no attention to what others say. My neighbours' children who are a bit older than yours I think, still live at home. They have studied, are now working and saving for their own place.

If the house is big enough and you are all comfortable with the arrangement, why not?

Charlie63849 · 23/12/2020 23:56

@SarahAndQuack

I think it's increasingly not unusual, but I think they're not 'children' any more. Obviously they'll always be your babies. But they're not children and they need to have a plan to move out, IMO.

My partner has siblings who never moved out, and yes, sure, they 'do household chores' and pay rent (in fact they pay most of the household expenses). But it's still their childhood home, and they've never grown up. It is becoming increasingly clear that, when MIL and FIL die, we will become their carers. Not because they have any innate need of carers, but because they have reached their mid/late 30s without ever learning life skills they need, and now it's so late, they can't imagine how things would work.

I am sure they are the absolute extreme, but it does make me feel very cautious about the whole idea of adult offspring not being required to stand on their own two feet.

My partners sibling is nearly exactly the situation as you describe.

Iv already made it very clear I will be providing no care at all. We have our own disabled child and I’m not taking on a full grown adult that hasn’t bothered learning any life skills.

The MIL & FIL went on holiday once and she accidentally unplugged the outside freezer and defrosted all the food and she rang me panicking asking what she should do. It’s that bad and she’s late 30s.

TableFlowerss · 23/12/2020 23:56

@Tellmelies65

My children are 23 and 25 and both still live at home. When I’m asked how old they are.people often remark that they are quite old to be living at home still. They pay rent and do household chores. I would have thought most young adults are better off living at home.
Financially better off yes I agree, but most people that age that I grew up with and know now, can’t wait to move out and start living independently.

That’s why people consider it unusual I suppose

Oliv5 · 23/12/2020 23:57

I think it's still pretty uncommon. I'm 28 and I only know one person who still lived with parents by 25.

damnthemanatee · 23/12/2020 23:58

I'd have given anything to be able to be at home at that age. I was on my own at 17.

If it works for your family then ignore what anyone else says.