To not find it unusual that my children still live with me

[Tellmelies65]

My children are 23 and 25 and both still live at home. When I’m asked how old they are.people often remark that they are quite old to be living at home still. They pay rent and do household chores. I would have thought most young adults are better off living at home.

they aren't old at all. I was at home with my mum and dad until 24, and that was 5.5 years ago. I always felt that I'd done well moving out at 24, as most of my peers hadn't yet!

It feels unusual to me because I moved out of my parents house aged 19 and bought my own house aged 23, but i also appreciate that in the two decades since then a lot has changed and people can't afford to do that so easily, so my eyebrows would raise initially then is think about it and realise it makes sense if you're all happy (I couldn't have stayed with my parents a minute longer and would have been really unhappy but that's probably the unusual thing!)

and it is right what you say about them being better off at home.. if my parents hadn't allowed us to stay until 24, then we wouldn't have saved up enough to put down a deposit on our home. They charged us a small amount of rent which made is possible for us to save and move out.

And if this pandemic has taught us anything, it's that family support networks are hugely beneficial for mental health. Obviously that doesn't have to mean living in the same house, but I can't imagine how my elderly mum or MIL would have coped if we were too far away to visit.

23 & 25 is old to stay at home !!
Gosh my db was 34 my other brother still at home at 32 . My friend is 39 and still at home .
Saying that I was 18 when I moved out .
It's possibly expense but my dbs for example choose to have holidays / nights out buy nice things and 1 brother smokes rather than save for a deposit.
My db only moved out because his girlfriend had her own place .
My dd is 22 she's got a home as long as she needs it but I hope she takes steps to save up now she's left university to find her own place.

My eldest I couldn’t wait to leave

Love the bones of her but she is the mini version of me and we can clash.

However I don’t want my middle child to leave. Ever. I’ve told her if she marries they all have to live with me. Forever.

My youngest will probably be in jail

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I have two relatives that never moved out... They are nearly 40 now (twins) still share bunk beds and dependant on their parents. (Do work, but it's all just for 'fun'). Then I have another relative, living with his parents mid thirties... And increasingly become their carer. He does all their shopping, takes them to medical appointments, doesall the 'heavy' stuff. So they all benefit from the arrangement. Unless anything seriously changes, I can't see the arrangement changing. He's definitely a functioning adult, an

😳😳

Pretty normal at that age

@MiaMarshmallows

I've noticed the smug ones judging those for still living at home are those who are very reliant on their partners. As I said before, if the partner left them they would most likely be living back at home. That's why it has always been important to me to earn a good and high wage. I am a lot older than the groups we are talking about here and do not live with my partner. But if for some reason I ever ended up on my own again, I would like to know I could provide for myself and my family.

Berating someone for living at home while you are depending heavily on your partner financially is hypocritical to say the least

I’m a single parent and have no one financially backing me.

I still think it’s your duty as a parent to let your children flee the nest. It might be very lovely for you to have them around, but it’s definitely not good for them

I thinks it’s a bit old unless there’s a reason - e.g saving X amount to buy a house.

I’m 27 with a mortgage and a 1 year old - it would be odd if I’d just moved out of home. Most other new first time mums I’ve met are around my age.

I moved out when I was 19, bought a house at 23 however, my father had drummed into my head that once I was 18 I was moving out. I'd never do that to my children, I will be in no rush for them to leave home.

My mum still has my brother who's 33 and my sister who's 25 at home. They take the piss though and act like kids. I don't know why she puts up with it

Ours all left home early two went to uni and never returned and they all got jobs. But they had house deposit size inheritances. To save the equivalent they would have been mid 20's. It's enabled us to downsize and put plans in to retire early.
They have learned about budgeting earlier than some of their friends that don't pay any board or rent and just spend their money on stuff. I wouldn't be keen on them staying at home and doing that beyond 20 tbh but having a savings plan to leave would be fine. Otherwise towards 30 it becomes unhealthy.

I don't think it's unusual. Maybe if they were in their 30s or 40s it would be, but depends what the reasons are. One of my siblings lives at home in their 30s but they have a mild learning disability that is not very obvious as they work full time but means they need support with things. I have a friend who's in their 30s and has never moved out and doesn't pay rent to her parents and has never paid a bill in her life, so I think that's odd. Most people I know stayed home till their mid 20s due to not being able to afford rent.

I really think it depends on everyone's circumstances (whether caring for elderly parents etc).

I suppose you'd all criticise my DM who was a single mum from when I was 5 she had a mortgage etc but borrowed money (always always paid back in 2-3 months at most) from her DM who was very wealthy to 'help out', not living with her - but sort of semi dependant on her and this was quite a few times too. However she didn't want my DF to pay maintenance, she just wanted and got (with mortgage) the house.

Living at home is all very well until you get into a relationship and the other person doesn't have their own place either. However, the best advice I could ever give a young adult is to try and save as much money as possible whilst you're still living at home

It's better than moving out and renting as the rent will be the same if not more than a mortgage and the second you start renting is when you stop saving

People can judge away...

Give it a few years and see who has a great job, is living in a very nice property, after having travelled extensively

as opposed to those who can't accept unpaid internship, can't have a life as every penny goes to their bills, can't save the 50k deposit they need for their first house...

Living with your parents in your 40s when you have NEVER left the house, haven't got a degree, and are stuck in a minimum-wage job is a bit sad and a wasted youth

making the most of having a good parental support when they live in a convenient area for work? Haters sounds jealous.

It depends what the reason is. If they are definitely saving for a deposit then it's okay. (but not forever) All the people saying how they don't want their children to leave are not doing them a favour. As mentioned above you should bring your children up to be independent and to leave the nest. My daughter is flat sharing as she went down south for the well paying job after uni. She is having a whale of a time being independent. The lad next door to me is the same age and lives in his bedroom playing computer games. Stangely he doesn't have a girlfriend and his mother loves him living with her and still does all meals, washing etc. Makes me shudder. I expect he will still be there when he is 40.

I was glad when mine moved out to be honest. House was too small and everyone was on top of each other. I helped them out financially instead.

@heseesyouwhenyouaresleeping

People can judge away...

Give it a few years and see who has a great job, is living in a very nice property, after having travelled extensively

as opposed to those who can't accept unpaid internship, can't have a life as every penny goes to their bills, can't save the 50k deposit they need for their first house...

Living with your parents in your 40s when you have NEVER left the house, haven't got a degree, and are stuck in a minimum-wage job is a bit sad and a wasted youth

making the most of having a good parental support when they live in a convenient area for work? Haters sounds jealous.

Bit fucking rude. So you're saying people who moved out early won't have a good job or a nice home?

Give it a few years and see who has a great job, is living in a very nice property, after having travelled extensively

What? Me and my friends have never lived at home after 18 yet we've all managed to save deposits, have a nice house and travel extensively. If you're on a decent graduate salary of 30k+ and live with a partner then you can save more than your rent each month. It's not a dichotomy of "live with parents and save" or "spend every last penny on rent", unless you're earning minimum wage and live alone.

In fact, the one person I know who still lives at home at 27, can't save a penny because he spends it all on trying to look glamorous with meals and drinks and a nice car.

LadyLazaruss
interesting that you call ME rude when you didn't comment on posters mocking the lack of independence etc.. of people living with their parents for a bit..

What am I saying is that many people are where they are today because they had support from their family. Unlike what some posters pretend, being home when you are 25-26 doesn't mean being a loser and a failure, quite the opposite sometimes

@heseesyouwhenyouaresleeping

LadyLazaruss interesting that you call ME rude when you didn't comment on posters mocking the lack of independence etc.. of people living with their parents for a bit..

What am I saying is that many people are where they are today because they had support from their family. Unlike what some posters pretend, being home when you are 25-26 doesn't mean being a loser and a failure, quite the opposite sometimes

It's not my job to jump in defending people . I'd have carried on living with my DM if she didn't make it clear I wasn't wanted.