To not find it unusual that my children still live with me

[Tellmelies65]

My children are 23 and 25 and both still live at home. When I’m asked how old they are.people often remark that they are quite old to be living at home still. They pay rent and do household chores. I would have thought most young adults are better off living at home.

I understand it's tough to move out now, I personally wouldn't date someone that hasn't lived independently by the age of 30 as I'd think they were looking for another parent rather than a partner. Privacy is an issue.

As long as they are saving, they are behaving as independent adults (ie cooking and washing) and you and you have a harmonious home where they respect the rules- crack on.

Living at home can work well but can also lead to codependency and dysfunctional relationships shoots meaningful side eye at BIL

My cousins live at home. Age 58, 56 and 49.

Never left.

I would prefer my children to live at home and have more money to spend on fun stuff or to save for a house deposit so they don’t have the disadvantages of renting. As long as they contribute to the household it’s fine with me.

Depends where you live. There's no jobs in my home town so apart from a 4 month gap between houses (when i did a massive commute) I've not lived at home since I was 18

Not unusual but quite sad I think. We've build an unaffordable world for them to inherit.

I wonder if well look back at the 21st century as a bit of a blip, the only time when multi generational households weren't the norm in the UK?

I have two relatives that never moved out... They are nearly 40 now (twins) still share bunk beds and dependant on their parents. (Do work, but it's all just for 'fun').
Then I have another relative, living with his parents mid thirties... And increasingly become their carer. He does all their shopping, takes them to medical appointments, doesall the 'heavy' stuff. So they all benefit from the arrangement. Unless anything seriously changes, I can't see the arrangement changing. He's definitely a functioning adult, an

Mine boomeranged back after uni until they were late 20s because of relationship breakups, flat share coming to an end etc. On occasion a gf would stay for a while too while sorting out rental or house purchase. Both now own very nice homes and are fully fledged adults (mostly).

It would have been very unusual 30 or so years ago but not at all now. Unless they behave like teenagers and you all get along I don't see a problem. Ideally house prices would be lower and they'd be able to be independent but in reality for lots of adult children staying wth their parents is the best option. I would certainly hope they use the opportunity to save up for their own place though.

I don’t think it’s unusual but I find it quite sad that these young people are missing out on a wonderful time living with friends or flat mates often for the sake of having an Audi on finance, eating out and holidaying in Dubai. Everyone seems to want to move into the perfect 3 bed semi with brand new furniture, they won’t accept a flat in a cheaper part of town and second hand furniture or a flat share.

If they are being educated/are in jobs and eventually plan to move out no issue. If they sit in their pants playing computer games and couldn’t live independently and have no ambition I’d be concerned.

I also think this isn’t as common as folks are making out, although certainly not very unusual.

As others said, it depends on the plan, if they are saving to buy their own places etc and have a plan, it’s fine, but if it’s a failure to fledge situation and there is no plan to live independently , I’d be more concerned.

@partyatthepalace

It’s sensible for saving, but not great for life experience.

This in a nutshell. I suspect OP knows this hence her wording at the end of her post....

My son is 27 and is now in the process of buying - we felt it was better to stay at home and save instead of paying high rent to someone else (although he is having issues with Hackney Council being unable to do land searches due to a cyber attack but that's a whole new thread

My mum couldn't stand me at home. She's very particular about how she has her house (my now-husband said it looked like a show home) so I moved back for 6 months after university and was out renting after that. It wasn't a great place, but it was cheap and convenient for me to get to work. Now-husband moved in after 6 months but struggled to find a job for a year so I paid all the bills on my call centre wage alone. Unless we got divorced and I lost my job I wouldn't ever go back to my mum's. She values having her home to herself, and I respect that

I wldnt find that strange I'd think more than half their age still love at home. Well me and dh were 22 and 24 when we bought our first place and moved out. We were the first of our friends and many didn't move out for another 3-5 years after that.

I suppose it's normal now. DH and I are in our early 20's and live together, but that's down to the fact we live in married quarters and the rent is next to nothing so it's easier to save.

Not unusual at all. Good to read that they do some share of running the house.

I known a lot of people living at aged 30 plus living with parents. Housing is expensive

I moved out at 25... loads of my friendship group were the same! DH was 28!

Bought my first house the year after then got married and had ds1 and then DS2 by 30!

Again most of my friends followed a similar pattern!

Better off financially - possibly depending how much they are actually saving. Better off in every other way - absolutely not.

It’s quite possible to live in a house share and still save for a deposit.

@ToniTheDonkey

A friend of mine turned 50 this year and still lives with his mother. He has always lived there, it’s not that he left home and then went back. He’s not a mummy’s boy though. His dad died a long tine ago and my friend doesn’t want to see his elderly mother on her own. Luckily they get on well and he goes his fair share around the house and in the garden. I find it hard to relate to as I got thrown out at 20, but it works for them. The downside is that he has never had a proper girlfriend, and I imagine that him still living with his mum at the age of 50 is a big part of that. He’s a lovely, lovely guy and it’s definitely not the personality that is putting off potential suitors.

Hard to say with personalities. People aren’t exactly the same in personal relationships as they are with friends.

I think it depends where you live, I've lived in cheaper areas and no I wouldn't say that was normal, most people I know leave after university usually with a partner or with friends. Even when I lived in London actually most young colleagues lived in house shares. As a parent I would struggle with that if there wasn't a plan, a goal, I wouldn't want them to be aimless, I think it's a sensible life goal to want to live independently which they aren't with you no matter how much rent they are paying. I think it's quite experience limiting really, unless there is a strategy of course.

It might have been unusual 20 years ago but certainly not now with the prices of houses and rent. I think some older people still haven't really caught up with how difficult things are for young adults at the moment.