To not find it unusual that my children still live with me

[Tellmelies65]

My children are 23 and 25 and both still live at home. When I’m asked how old they are.people often remark that they are quite old to be living at home still. They pay rent and do household chores. I would have thought most young adults are better off living at home.

I don't think it's unusual these days.

I moved in and out of my parent's house throughout my twenties for various reasons, but I do think a 23 and 25 year old who have never lived outside their family home are massively missing out on learning how to be an independent adult. No matter how many household chores they are doing or how much rent they are paying I presume you are still 'running' the household and managing the financial aspects such as bills etc.

Living with housemates or a partner in your twenties is a huge learning experience. My twenties were in the noughties though and I know it's much harder for young people now to be able to afford to live independently though, so maybe it's not that unusual now. As long as everyone is happy OP, then don't give another thought to what anyone else thinks :)

The thought of my kids still being at home in two decades time fills me with dread! I would like some time and space for my marriage again at some point.

I've not only got my daughter 34 but her 2 children and her partner have been here nearly 2 yrs in a small 3 bed house don't give me any money and I wish they would leave I would like a bit of piece the 2 children fight all the time they can't afford to rent, as soon as I am able I'm going on around uk trip for 6 months or longer just to get away

Does no one live in flat shares any more? I went to uni and then got a job and lived in a flat share. Eventually bought a small flat at 30,and then a larger flat with boyfriend ( now DH) at 32. There was no way I could move home as parents live in the back of beyond and I would never have got a job there. It’s all fine and well living with parents in urban areas but realistically you have to go where the work is, and that means living in flat shares, probably in les desirable areas to achieve that. Buying at 24 was never realistic even when I was young.

Why not? No one's business and a sensible decision, financially.
I left home at 18 as I was sharing with my 2 younger sisters and it was expected that I leave home when I could support myself. So I always lived in cheap rented housing and still do. Could not afford to save as was in low wage jobs.
My sons share a room and I'm not sure how happy they would be in bunk beds at 25! I'm happy for them to stay until they are ready though, and as we rent I suppose they could contribute towards us all living in a bigger house. Would still be cheaper than them living alone.

I suspect our boys might find it quite tricky sharing a room in their 20s. And they would have to. I don't think it's odd that adult children stay in the family home and save for a few years at all - but it does require a certain amount of space!

@BigGlasses

Does no one live in flat shares any more? I went to uni and then got a job and lived in a flat share. Eventually bought a small flat at 30,and then a larger flat with boyfriend ( now DH) at 32. There was no way I could move home as parents live in the back of beyond and I would never have got a job there. It’s all fine and well living with parents in urban areas but realistically you have to go where the work is, and that means living in flat shares, probably in les desirable areas to achieve that. Buying at 24 was never realistic even when I was young.

That's a very good point! We are rural and transport links are pretty crap. London is just far enough to make commuting too expensive, while being the nearest place with decent jobs. There aren't many young people living at home in our village, if they went to university most of them don't come back.

Mine stayed with me until late 20’s as it was the only way to save for a deposit. Both now gone and bought their own houses. Perfectly normal these days.

@suzy2b Did I read that correctly? You are going to leave your own home because your daughter, her partner and 2 children are all living in your small 3 bed house?
They don't give you any money and the kids fight all the time.
I had thoughts that this would be something my kids would try to do but I would not let the partners move in. I don't see why I or you or any one at all should be funding the living costs of an unrelated adult.
I never once got any money towards "housekeeping". It not a responsible way for young parents to act. I don't know why today's young people think they have the right to stay in parent's houses without paying and then move the partner in. (I would help my own kids and their kids if they were in trouble but I don't want a "cocklodger" in my house.
They really need to move out and give you some peace.

I was 27 when I moved out. 25yo brother is still there. It's not usual at all in this day and age - but I contributed both financially and by doing things around the house while I was there.

I think if you live somewhere with good opportunities for career and social life then it can be fine. It's often very limiting though. I grew up in a town an hour from a major city, not much to do and a long commute for decent work. I moved away and lived in London and several countries before settling down 40 miles away in my thirties. I'm not saying everyone should need or want to do that, but I think living away and independently really shape you as a young adult and give you chance to discover what you enjoy and where you fit in.

I disagree with the concept that renting is money down the drain. It allows you to live away from home with little commitment, and move for work or romantic purposes or just because you've always wanted to live somewhere. Flatshares aren't always expensive or awful.

I don't expect my dc to follow in my footsteps of course and there are advantages of staying local and settling down early. They are only 6 and 8 now though so i don't know how I'd feel about them still living at home in 20 odd years.

I think it depends on so many things, I left home at 17, I was aware I wasn't welcome at 16 but didn't leave until I was pushed out. To me it seemed strange, the thought of anyone being at home with their parents past the age of 20, I just couldn't fathom it, and there are many people who I knew as a teen who were similar. Maybe it was a class thing? None of the people who left home very early were from families where they were financially comfortable.

I met my now DH when he was 25, and it was the norm for he and his friends to be at home between 25 and 30, usually making plans and saving to get themselves financially stable.

They all came from a more comfortable background and I think that it was expected that the "kids" had time to create a career, save and not have to fight to save whilst paying out dead money to rent.

FWIW, thats what I hope to do with DD. I don't want her to leave until she's in a position where she can give herself a nice life. I want to minimise the struggles she has to face.

I think its nice when people are close enough to their parents to feel they can stay home for long enough to stabilise themselves financially

@MidnightHangingTree

I would say that's around the age that they should be thinking about buying a house and moving out if they've lived at home and had full time jobs since they were 18... I bought my house with my partner a month after I turned 24 and I had saved a £30k deposit in the 5 years that I'd been working and living with parents. I'm now 26 and can't think of many people from my school year who haven't bought houses yet, and I don't think I know of anyone who still lives at home with their parents.

Surely it depends on where you live and the cost of houses there, as well as if you've been to university or worked from the age of 16 or 18. I don't think in many places in the South-East most 26 year olds have bought a house.

All of my son's friends went away to university, most graduated this year aged 23, and are back living with parents now because they haven't been able to find graduate jobs because of the pandemic . As the average cost of a house in our city is over £500K, none are going to be buying a house here in the foreseeable future.

I've got a 21, 23 and 25 year old all living at ghome at the moment. One is just home from uni for holidays, another has bought his oen house but since work is all online was lonely living there alone so it stands empty 200 miles away. The other finished uni , got a job he is not totally sure about and we decided not eorth throwing money down the drain renting while Covid is here and he will be in lockdown anyway so he may as well do the job from home until things open up and then msybe rent or buy a place. I love hsving them here though. I agree that intergenerational families will become more common.

We have 2 in their twenties still living with us. In my day it would have been very unusual to be still living with mum and dad in your mid twenties but nowadays it's not so rare. I feel that I am to blame - my mum made it quite clear that once I left school I should be paying my own way and moving out asap. I've made it too comfortable for them and neither have any inclination to go. DH says I should get tough and tell them it's time to join the real world and I'm beginning to think he (and my mum} are right. I don't think I'm doing them any favours by facilitating the comfortable/no bills lifestyle they live.

I think it's a bit weird tbh. Each to their own but not for me. There's something to be said for being independent and going through the flatshare stage, then having your own place. None of my friends have moved back with parents yet we've all managed to save and buy houses by mid-late 20s. I still managed to save on a 25k salary while paying £720pm London rents and a reverse commute.

@suzy2b

I've not only got my daughter 34 but her 2 children and her partner have been here nearly 2 yrs in a small 3 bed house don't give me any money and I wish they would leave I would like a bit of piece the 2 children fight all the time they can't afford to rent, as soon as I am able I'm going on around uk trip for 6 months or longer just to get away

In the nicest possible way - more fool you for letting them treat your hone like a dos house!

I don’t know whether to feel sorry for you or think you’ve made your bed....

DS23 is still happily living at home and we are happy to have him. His older brothers come and go depending on what's happening in their lives. They prefer to be independent and usually are, but they know they are welcome here any time.

I hope mine will still be living at home then 😊

I think by mid twenties they should at least be living with a flatmate or two. Not parents. Sorry not sorry.

Very normal in Irish families . Many young people live at home until with they either get married or buy a house . I don’t have any close friends or relatives who moved out of home and rented .

They're still young

as soon as I am able I'm going on around uk trip for 6 months or longer just to get away

^

Bloody Nora, tell them to leave!

A friend of mine turned 50 this year and still lives with his mother. He has always lived there, it’s not that he left home and then went back. He’s not a mummy’s boy though. His dad died a long tine ago and my friend doesn’t want to see his elderly mother on her own. Luckily they get on well and he goes his fair share around the house and in the garden. I find it hard to relate to as I got thrown out at 20, but it works for them. The downside is that he has never had a proper girlfriend, and I imagine that him still living with his mum at the age of 50 is a big part of that. He’s a lovely, lovely guy and it’s definitely not the personality that is putting off potential suitors.