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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So bored with my friend humblebragging

200 replies

stanlet · 23/12/2020 14:44

She'll send pictures of her messy play/craft set up and then say something like 'no wonder I spend all day tidying up!'

It's not just things like that but that's a most recent example.

I can't bare humblebragging!

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 23/12/2020 17:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Parkingt111 · 23/12/2020 17:59

hmm I'm on the fence on this one
I only send videos to my parents and in-laws about what my children are up to or sharing their achievements but recently my DH has said it's better I don't send it to my in laws as if my mil mentions it in front of my sil she feels that her son is being compared to my daughter
I do not send anything with that intention but it does seem abit unfair that you can't post or share anything incase somebody will be upset by it

thesebootsaremadeforawalking · 23/12/2020 18:01

It's only humblebragging and a competition if you make it one.

I feel sorry for the parents every time I see some photos of messy play or craft. It's just so boring, shame the poor sod haven't got someone else available to deal with that side of things!

thesebootsaremadeforawalking · 23/12/2020 18:02

it does seem abit unfair that you can't post or share anything incase somebody will be upset by it

I would ignore the upset ones and keep posting or sharing. If people want to start a competition, they are free to do so, as much as you are free to ignore them.

Thismustbelove · 23/12/2020 18:07

If she is single, you are another adult for her to share how proud she is of her child. I wouldn't take the speech therapy thing personally. Her child, like everyone else on the planet, will at some stage, have an obstacle to overcome too.

Be there for each other for the bad times but share the good ones too.

Spittingchestnuts · 23/12/2020 18:11

It wasn't like that though. It was a perfectly staged, perfectly tidy set up. And it's not the first time (nor second or 20th)

Fair enough - and I know what you mean - I have to bite my lip a bit when people post the "arrgh it's all going wrong today and I am doomed" sort of thing on Facebook without providing an explanation so you don't know whether to reply "oh crikey are you alright, hope you are ok sending hugs, or shall I call the police?"

But even if people are self-aggrandizing insufferable tossers they are probably posting because somewhere in the depths of their soul at 4am they feel lonely, that they are not good enough, that they need to hear a friendly word from someone or their self-esteem is so poor they need to have the validation of others that they are doing ok. I reckon it's more likely to be that than "I am going to post and show off how marvellous I am". I don't think so anyway but I'm prepared to be told I am wrong ... .

It's like bullies being really the least confident people in the room. The result of the bullying is ugly as hell but the cause is probably because they were bullied themselves. Either way, there is something missing in their life... .

And anyway I mostly think people posting about their dc comes from a place of love and pride and as such is forgiveable!

In this particular instance, the person posting may have all sorts of insecurities about whether she is parenting correctly. She may be posting a photo of the only moment in the day when things went vaguely ok. We'll never know for sure so perhaps it's better to give people the benefit of the doubt?

And what the hey it's Christmas .....Grin

Spittingchestnuts · 23/12/2020 18:13

"self-aggrandizing insufferable tossers" was meant to be in quotes!

BlueThistles · 23/12/2020 18:15

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Make a creation from your recycling bin and send her a picture declaring it her Xmas gift...
PMSL Xmas Grin

please do this hahaaaaaa

Spittingchestnuts · 23/12/2020 18:16

Oh I'm very sorry op - rushing about today - I hadn't read the thread properly at all - it is hugely insensitive if it is direct messaging and shows no thought for yourself or your son. Apologies!

HotChoc10 · 23/12/2020 18:32

I don't have kids yet but sometimes my friends and sisters send me pictures of the activities they're doing with theirs because they're cute and it's fun to see happy children. Is the brag supposed to be how good of a parent she is? I don't see a problem with the message tbh.

SweetLoveOfCod · 23/12/2020 18:33

I don’t get what the humblebrag was in the original post?????

perfectstorm · 23/12/2020 18:39

@stanlet

It's always the same.

Videos of my child singing/reciting the alphabet etc saying 'she just won't be quiet today' when my son has been in speech therapy for a year.

It's so annoying

Has she put this on Facebook, where it's mildly irritating but she's reasonably proud, or actually sent this to you directly, in which case she sounds seriously awful?!

I'm a tactless person who puts my foot in it regularly, but that's way beyond clueless, and well into arsehole territory. As a fellow parent with SEN kids, I send solidarity over such behaviour. It's grim, and can be genuinely distressing on bad days.

HermioneMakepeace · 23/12/2020 18:41

OMG, I do this Blush.

perfectstorm · 23/12/2020 18:41

Sorry, just read more carefully and saw it's direct.

That's not on.

Wearywithteens · 23/12/2020 18:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Canwecancel2020 · 23/12/2020 18:59

@Spittingchestnuts

It wasn't like that though. It was a perfectly staged, perfectly tidy set up. And it's not the first time (nor second or 20th)

Fair enough - and I know what you mean - I have to bite my lip a bit when people post the "arrgh it's all going wrong today and I am doomed" sort of thing on Facebook without providing an explanation so you don't know whether to reply "oh crikey are you alright, hope you are ok sending hugs, or shall I call the police?"

But even if people are self-aggrandizing insufferable tossers they are probably posting because somewhere in the depths of their soul at 4am they feel lonely, that they are not good enough, that they need to hear a friendly word from someone or their self-esteem is so poor they need to have the validation of others that they are doing ok. I reckon it's more likely to be that than "I am going to post and show off how marvellous I am". I don't think so anyway but I'm prepared to be told I am wrong ... .

It's like bullies being really the least confident people in the room. The result of the bullying is ugly as hell but the cause is probably because they were bullied themselves. Either way, there is something missing in their life... .

And anyway I mostly think people posting about their dc comes from a place of love and pride and as such is forgiveable!

In this particular instance, the person posting may have all sorts of insecurities about whether she is parenting correctly. She may be posting a photo of the only moment in the day when things went vaguely ok. We'll never know for sure so perhaps it's better to give people the benefit of the doubt?

And what the hey it's Christmas .....Grin

Great post chestnuts
grassisjeweled · 23/12/2020 19:01

Friend of mine does this, mess in the 'creative workspace'.

But the kids are geniuses so we don't mind, hmmmm, do we?

TutiFrutti · 23/12/2020 19:01

I feel your pain with that one, when my now adult, speech delayed son was a toddler, one member of a group of friends from my post natal group suggested that I should "just talk to him more" after I expressed concern about his speech not coming along. I honestly felt like slapping her. Needless to say we're no longer in touch.
Try to think of the most patronising reply you can Smile

IMNOTSHOUTING · 23/12/2020 19:04

@Brieminewine

it wasn't like that though. It was a perfectly staged, perfectly tidy set up. And it's not the first time (nor second or 20th)

But so what? This is a friend wanting to show you what her and her child had been up to? I really don’t see what the issue is! Or see why doing messy play is a brag..it’s just a normal thing you do with kids isn’t it?! Confused

You do this don't you? OP knows this woman, she knows she wasn't trying to show a picture of her kids doing messy play (and I think even a very close friend would struggle to care about someone else's child's messy play) she's doing it to show off and bolster her ego at the expense of someone else's.

It was a staged photo. That isn't showing what her child is up to (and even that is best saved for grandparents).

IMNOTSHOUTING · 23/12/2020 19:09

My Mil actually told me off for not showing off about my kids enough on Facebook the family whatsApp. My kids are kind of extremes in that they're either very very good at things or very very bad. My son is VERY good in a few academic areas but bloody awful at others (especially motor skills - his handwriting is only just joined up and barely legible at 9 years old). The things I'm most proud of him tend to be to do with the things he's rubbish at because he has to put most effort into that. So I'll share things about him getting his pen license (last in the class - but he worked damn hard for it) or getting his 25m swimming badge (when he was 8 years old and his cousin of the same age was swimming 1k) or learning to ride his bike (at 6 years old after months of practise).

PolloDePrimavera · 23/12/2020 19:12

Re the singing/chatting , could you say something like, "Ah I wish I had that problem!" or "DS is doing so well, he's turning into a chatterbox too!". Just something which gently reminds her...

Lemmeout · 23/12/2020 19:13

Moasting cow pat.
Moan boasting. Can’t stand it, best one I kid you not. I’m so tired, I’ve been looking at houses all day. I have got to spend all the inheritance my dad left me. !! For tax reasons thankfully I don’t anyone else with this problem.

whatwouldyoudo85 · 23/12/2020 19:18

I know a couple of people like this, it's very annoying but I try and let it wash over me. I don't bother typing out an actual message I just respond with an emoji or two. For the example in your OP I'd do face palm + laughing face. Done.

Facelikearustytractor · 23/12/2020 19:29

I'm not seeing the humble or the bragging in any of those examples. So I'm a bit baffled. Why would you brag about things being in a shit state? I sent a picture of my decimated Christmas tree that the kids had been all over earlier. How is that braggy? I thought it might be funny, considering all the perfect Christmas wonderland shit you see on social media.

Unfortunately kids do have different abilities and my son is utterly useless at sport, but I wouldn't get pissed off if someone posted about their kids doing well at it. If you are on SM you can't expect everyone else to filter their posts for you. You have to opt out yourself.

I must say the over the top "look at my wonderful creations/holidays/life" posts are braggy and annoying. That's why I'm not on SM like that.

YouokHun · 23/12/2020 19:30

Videos of my child singing/reciting the alphabet etc saying 'she just won't be quiet today' when my son has been in speech therapy for a year

Video by return of your child in big glasses studiously engrossed in Ulysses with the comment, “He’s such a tinker, I just can’t get him to read Biff & Chip!!!”

She'll send pictures of her messy play/craft set up and then say something like 'no wonder I spend all day tidying up

Photos by return of your child dressed in a smock and beret, brush and palette in hand in front of a canvas depicting perhaps a well executed still life, with a comment, “no wonder I spend all day cleaning up paint!!!”.

You’ve got to fight fire with fire.

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