Page 2 | So bored with my friend humblebragging

stanlet · 2020-12-23T14:44:03+00:00

She'll send pictures of her messy play/craft set up and then say something like 'no wonder I spend all day tidying up!' It's not just things like that but that's a most recent example. I can't bare humblebragging!

Nunoftheother · 23/12/2020 15:15

@stanlet

It's always the same.

Videos of my child singing/reciting the alphabet etc saying 'she just won't be quiet today' when my son has been in speech therapy for a year.

It's so annoying

That's pretty twatty.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 23/12/2020 15:17

Very cringey. I die inside a bit, when l see nonsense like that

@LadyFoxtrot love this!

Original poster

stanlet · 23/12/2020 15:17

@Moondust001

Maybe it's just me, but why are there so many threads from people complaining about their "friends"? Perhaps I have a different definition of "friend", but my friends are people that I like. If I don't like them, what they do, or their children, then they aren't "friends". I certainly don't whinge about my friends and what they do because they are people I like. Perhaps if their messages are so boring/unpleasant/unwanted, you should not be "friends" and tell them so, then they won't waste any time on you either?

Yes I agree. However I dont want to throw away a friendship over one facet that's annoying. Though perhaps it's too late and the rot has set in?

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partyatthepalace · 23/12/2020 15:17

I think if you ignore it you will just drift - which might be fine. But if you want to hold her as a friend - try pointing stuff out to her. Good suggestions above (just go for the straightforward 'yes dealing with the mess is such a nightmare isn't it...' rather than the pass-agg options). The speech thing is just cruel and needs a more direct approach - happy for you, but while I we're making great progress here, this isn't the most sensitive vid to send me (or however you want to say it.)

Nunoftheother · 23/12/2020 15:18

@Moondust001

Maybe it's just me, but why are there so many threads from people complaining about their "friends"? Perhaps I have a different definition of "friend", but my friends are people that I like. If I don't like them, what they do, or their children, then they aren't "friends". I certainly don't whinge about my friends and what they do because they are people I like. Perhaps if their messages are so boring/unpleasant/unwanted, you should not be "friends" and tell them so, then they won't waste any time on you either?

Well there's plenty of threads by people complaining about their husbands' annoying habits or stupid mistakes, but presumably they still like and love their spouse. (Obviously I'm not talking about more serious issues.)

Original poster

stanlet · 23/12/2020 15:19

With the speech stuff, I ignored at the time and still do. It's less raw now because my son is doing well, but I still find it annoying.

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JillofTrades · 23/12/2020 15:22

I think you need to call her out on the speech issue. Don't let her get away with making you feel bad. Tell her that's insensitive and her reaction will tell you what to do next.

EddieBananas · 23/12/2020 15:23

One of my friends does it about her cats. I love cats but don't appreciate getting constant photos of them. Yawn....

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 23/12/2020 15:24

My otherwise very lovely SIL does this. Usually in Instagram posts. She takes a photo of her pristine kitchen diner and puts something like "The dust can wait! We've been playing with play doh all morning, it's such a tip now but I love messy play with my kids so much! Now for a cuppa before I crack on with the housework" hashtag makingmemories

Sometimes she'll also attach one of those "hold them a little longer" inspirational quotes. I do love her to bits but I never talk about the state of my house with her...

SweetLoveOfCod · 23/12/2020 15:25

Excuse me for missing the obvious, but I don’t get what’s up with the first thing in the OP? I don’t have kids which may be why!! The speech thing of course I get and is not very nice at all.

Original poster

stanlet · 23/12/2020 15:25

@JillofTrades

I think you need to call her out on the speech issue. Don't let her get away with making you feel bad. Tell her that's insensitive and her reaction will tell you what to do next.

I always feel like I'd be making a mountain out of a molehill and just moan to my husband about it instead.. not the best way to deal with it perhaps

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ClutchingMyPearlsAppropriately · 23/12/2020 15:25

She's likely unaware of how she comes across. Some people are.

If you want it to stop, I'd reply (to one of her messages):
" Humblebrag much? 'X' (child's name) is looking lovely/so grown up (or whatever) though".

You can put a kiss kiss 'x' afterwards if you usually do, just to soften things up a bit more.

If she's doing so deliberately (which I doubt a decent person is), she'll stop because she'd know you're onto her. If not, she may be taken aback and try to make excuses/deny/whatever.

As a response, you can even say you were joking or something. She'll stop afterwards either way.

If she doesn't, then she's so far gone, she'll need a clearer message.

Cismyfatarse · 23/12/2020 15:26

Sorry but Jimmy is far too busy curing cancer / solving global warming / writing a novel / getting ready to be Prime Minister to engage in crafts.

But, well done you for letting Bobby do that.

Or similar. Be shameless. The more she brags the more you make up stuff your child can do.

Franklyfrost · 23/12/2020 15:26

I send these sort of messages to my friends and get them back, either showing nice things we’ve done like a walk or family chaos like post craft disaster zone. It’s not about bragging, just sharing our lives with each other, doing the parent thing together, keeping in touch. One of my children has SEN, including a speech delay and although it’s a big deal in my life it’s not in the lives of others so I don’t expect them to filter everything they send me to have no children speaking

SweetLoveOfCod · 23/12/2020 15:27

Good suggestion @ClutchingMyPearlsAppropriately

Original poster

stanlet · 23/12/2020 15:28

@Franklyfrost

I send these sort of messages to my friends and get them back, either showing nice things we’ve done like a walk or family chaos like post craft disaster zone. It’s not about bragging, just sharing our lives with each other, doing the parent thing together, keeping in touch. One of my children has SEN, including a speech delay and although it’s a big deal in my life it’s not in the lives of others so I don’t expect them to filter everything they send me to have no children speaking

This sounds nice. But not comparable to what I'm taking about.

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Needhelpwithaquestion · 23/12/2020 15:29

It’s sooo annoying. I also have this with a friend, it’s interesting she has a girl and I a boy, the difference in speech is marked but this is very typical with boys etc.

I’ve come to realise in 2029 that life is too short, if she makes you feel crap then cut her/at least mute.

FestiveFruitloop · 23/12/2020 15:29

@ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule

My otherwise very lovely SIL does this. Usually in Instagram posts. She takes a photo of her pristine kitchen diner and puts something like "The dust can wait! We've been playing with play doh all morning, it's such a tip now but I love messy play with my kids so much! Now for a cuppa before I crack on with the housework" hashtag makingmemories

Sometimes she'll also attach one of those "hold them a little longer" inspirational quotes. I do love her to bits but I never talk about the state of my house with her...

I know someone who makes posts like these, she's also fond of posting what wholesome pursuits her kids are up to (think 'life's all about the simple joy of jumping in puddles, it's not about material things' yadda yadda) and rounding them off with #dayslikethese. So smug and self-congratulatory.

Peanutbutterblood · 23/12/2020 15:30

I love to see all the crafty things and messy play my friends do with their kids.
Just unfollow her if you dont like her

1forAll74 · 23/12/2020 15:30

I suppose you just have to accept, that some people do these naff and oddball things, they just don't get, that other people find it stupid , annoying and boring.

FitbitCat · 23/12/2020 15:32

I think you should end the friendship. I have a son with autism and amongst friends we all share videos of the kids singing or whatever. I've never felt like my child was in a competition and I didn't want to be left out of the cute videos just because my kid couldn't do half of the stuff in them. I was happy to celebrate my friends kids because I like them and I'm genuinely happy for them. For her sake I'd let her move on as much as yours.

Original poster

stanlet · 23/12/2020 15:32

@Peanutbutterblood

I love to see all the crafty things and messy play my friends do with their kids. Just unfollow her if you dont like her

I do like her. Just not the humblebragging

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Sinful8 · 23/12/2020 15:32

@JillofTrades

I think you need to call her out on the speech issue. Don't let her get away with making you feel bad. Tell her that's insensitive and her reaction will tell you what to do next.

So because one of her friends children has a speech issue she can't ever post a video of her own child singing?

I think thats a bit extreme

Original poster

stanlet · 23/12/2020 15:33

@FitbitCat

I think you should end the friendship. I have a son with autism and amongst friends we all share videos of the kids singing or whatever. I've never felt like my child was in a competition and I didn't want to be left out of the cute videos just because my kid couldn't do half of the stuff in them. I was happy to celebrate my friends kids because I like them and I'm genuinely happy for them. For her sake I'd let her move on as much as yours.

I only found it insensitive because I'd confided in her about my son's struggles. So in that way it was strange that she'd behave so oddly.

She's single and I never brag about being married for example.

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ArabellaScott · 23/12/2020 15:34

@Franklyfrost

I send these sort of messages to my friends and get them back, either showing nice things we’ve done like a walk or family chaos like post craft disaster zone. It’s not about bragging, just sharing our lives with each other, doing the parent thing together, keeping in touch. One of my children has SEN, including a speech delay and although it’s a big deal in my life it’s not in the lives of others so I don’t expect them to filter everything they send me to have no children speaking

Yes, this. Sounds like she's sending films to keep in touch. It sounds like you've had a hard time with your child's speech delay, sorry to hear that - but that doesn't mean that a film of someone else's child singing is a dig at you.