So bored with my friend humblebragging

[stanlet]

She'll send pictures of her messy play/craft set up and then say something like 'no wonder I spend all day tidying up!'

It's not just things like that but that's a most recent example.

I can't bare humblebragging!

@fridgepants
Maybe 2o years ago but not now. There are loads of options.

I just ignore that kind of thing

@Brieminewine

I think you’re being overly sensitive because of your son’s issues. Surely friendship is about sharing experiences and achievements together? My friends often send videos of what their kids do and it’s lovely to see how proud they are of them! I don’t think you sound like a good friend tbh.

I'm having a very private moan here so I can continue to be a good friend to her.

Listening to the moaning and nodding along etc.

I'm going through a lot myself at the moment.

She's single and I never brag about being married for example.

In that case, @stanlet, every time she sends you a humblebrag, make a little video of you astride your DH in sexy lingerie (you, not him, unless that’s the sort of thing you’re into...), riding him like Seabiscuit, with lots of #MakingMarriedMemories type hashtags.

I think I would expect more sensitivity around speech. Because of your specific circumstances. But honestly it sounds like you're being a bit sensitive. Where do we draw the line between a brag and sharing your life with a friend?

My lovely sister does this (not to me so much because I just laugh) but with her friends. I know for a fact it is because she is really, really insecure about her life. The kids are one area that she feels successful.
Also having babies really sets it off in some parents, funny to think of the competitive parenting some people I know got wrapped up in. All mostly normal again now.

Argh, so annoying! My first child had a gross motor delay and couldn't walk for ages. I had a friend who would go on about how her child wouldn't stop running about and send videos. She'd also keep saying "oh, you must be sooo worried about her" - I wasn't at all. She had hyper mobility but was totally fine.

@stanlet

It's always the same.

Videos of my child singing/reciting the alphabet etc saying 'she just won't be quiet today' when my son has been in speech therapy for a year.

It's so annoying

Is she sending these to you personally in which case yes a bit insensitive......if it's a group message then sorry but you sound envious/jealous?

@Plussizejumpsuit

I think I would expect more sensitivity around speech. Because of your specific circumstances. But honestly it sounds like you're being a bit sensitive. Where do we draw the line between a brag and sharing your life with a friend?

Yes I don't expect a great level of sensitivity from most friends but this one knew all about my worries with my son so I expect more in a way. Perhaps I'm wrong!

@ivfbeenbusy direct message. No, not jealous. My son is doing very well and is relaxed and able to play alone etc etc

I'm actually surprised everyone thinks this is humble bragging! A pp gave an example of a friend sharing suitcas. I think it depends how it's done if its like oh I'm so exited for hols that's fair enough as we do get excited for holidays. But if it's like oh god it's such a chore to go on hold yet again. That's twatty.

I think you should expect sensitivity regarding your child! Especially if you share your worries. But maybe you're sensitive because of a few uncaring examples. Or maybe it is more of a brag than I think regarding mess play etc. It just feels fairly innocuous to me.

@Plussizejumpsuit

I'm actually surprised everyone thinks this is humble bragging! A pp gave an example of a friend sharing suitcas. I think it depends how it's done if its like oh I'm so exited for hols that's fair enough as we do get excited for holidays. But if it's like oh god it's such a chore to go on hold yet again. That's twatty.

I don't think it's necessarily humble bragging but it depends on how it's done and the intention behind it. Also depends on the perception of the observer or receiver of said actions.

Some people are genuinely amazed at their children and want to share this with the world, not knowing what others really think about them. Some may be humble bragging or while others are full on bragging.

@Plussizejumpsuit

I think you should expect sensitivity regarding your child! Especially if you share your worries. But maybe you're sensitive because of a few uncaring examples. Or maybe it is more of a brag than I think regarding mess play etc. It just feels fairly innocuous to me.

It's was a very staged 'look what I've arranged' perfect photo

I dont direct message friends anything about my children just in case they return the favour because you never really find other peoples children quite as fascinating as your own do you 🤣 i have put on Facebook things my children have really really worked hard on and in all fairness my fb friends are supportive but its rare I post about achievements except "ds wore pants all day today" sort of posts (he hates clothing its a huge achievement for him)

I'm with you OP. If you know your friend you'll know whether she's sending you a photo because she thinks it wil make you happy or because she wants to brag. I definitely know people like that too! 'It's so difficult to keep up with llitle Jonny's reading I can barely by classic Russian novels fast enough for him - gosh it is tiring having a voracious reader!'

I can’t see how the messy play area is bragging 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈

You can interpret this sort of thing in a number of ways.

A kind interpretation would be that she feels isolated, she is bored of the messy craft stage and she was just sending the message out so someone would acknowledge her existence! It is fairly relentless looking after infants. A short pleasant reply wouldn't cost you anything!

@Spittingchestnuts

You can interpret this sort of thing in a number of ways.

A kind interpretation would be that she feels isolated, she is bored of the messy craft stage and she was just sending the message out so someone would acknowledge her existence! It is fairly relentless looking after infants. A short pleasant reply wouldn't cost you anything!

It wasn't like that though. It was a perfectly staged, perfectly tidy set up. And it's not the first time (nor second or 20th)

@fridgepants

"My boobs are so big it is so hard to get bras to fit!"

This is....literally a thing, though?

Yes, exactly. The larger your boobs the more difficult and expensive it is to find bras that fit properly. I've got large boobs and if I had the choice I'd be a A-cup. It must be marvellous not to have to wear a bra 24/7.

it wasn't like that though. It was a perfectly staged, perfectly tidy set up. And it's not the first time (nor second or 20th)

But so what? This is a friend wanting to show you what her and her child had been up to? I really don’t see what the issue is! Or see why doing messy play is a brag..it’s just a normal thing you do with kids isn’t it?!

Its sounds like a bit of a toxic mum frenemy relationship tbh.

@slipperywhensparticus

Ahh yes my dear little "nursery aged child" can only count to fifty how are they going to COPE in reception....my year three can't get past counting to ten and I'm pushing for a special school but still you feel the need to tell me how "behind" your nursery aged child is constantly because I shoukd know how it feels having a child who is behind "too"

Sent pictures of all the mess and shite left over from a marathon long making memories session what did ds do today hun? Created a 6 level fortress on minecraft complete with moat turrets drawbridge (and a load more stuff that I zoned out on) aww hunny poor YOU! Dont you feel like interacting with him would help? Maybe he wouldn't have learning difficulties if you played with him more? Yeah go suck glitter up your Dyson hun my son can't really read can't really write but he rocks like a boss on minecraft 😎 and he loves making stuff for me on there

😂 “Yeah go suck glitter up your Dyson”

@Spittingchestnuts

You can interpret this sort of thing in a number of ways.

A kind interpretation would be that she feels isolated, she is bored of the messy craft stage and she was just sending the message out so someone would acknowledge her existence! It is fairly relentless looking after infants. A short pleasant reply wouldn't cost you anything!

This was definitely me in lockdown, but generally only to my mum and dad, sometimes it’s a case of... “it’s been a bit of a trying day but here’s my little parenting win. I want someone else to acknowledge it with me because I’m actually a bit lonely”