Am I allowed to be upset by this

[allgoodinthehood]

Relevant
My partner is one of the nicest people you have met . He is kind, considerate, loving and generous.
He is annoyed at me because I'm upset that he hasn't got me a card for Christmas.
I've said I appreciate all that he does for me . He does alot small and big things . He would give me his last penny.
He has been to three shops today to try and get a suitable card but no luck.
He says hes annoyed Im pissed off . Ive said I'm not pissed off but I am upset that he hasnt got me a card.
He says " but you know I dont do cards " I know for a fact he would be rightfully upset if I didnt get him a birthday card.
So tell me strait AIBU
When I say upset I dont mean crying and the like I just mean Ive gone quiet but not in an angry way.
Oh and he has got me a present.

Very unreasonable. Does anyone else give people they live with a Christmas card?

@allgoodinthehood

Im upset because he has always said " Id rather have a nice card with lovely words in than a present " We have always given each other lovely cards. When I asked him about his U turn on cards he said I love receiving cards from you but I dont like giving them or words to that effect. Well this is bloody news to me . He does ALWAYS put thought and effort into my presents and everyday life. Im being AIBU arnt I

So he’s to receive and not you

Fuck that shit that isn’t fair
And your entitled to be upset do no ynbu

FGS.
YES, you are completely unreasonable! Good grief give the bloke a break. Realise that no card is small fries, compared to what you have. Sounds like a lovely bloke. Appreciate it

So*

I got Dh a husband Christmas card and hes not got me one in return. While I'd like one it doesn't bother me and I certainly wouldn't mention it. I also bought most of my own presents and he transferred me money. The other 2 he bought but I sent links for. And who said romance was dead?

YABU

you live together, he’s a generally lovely person, he’s got you a gift. And you’re upset because he hasn’t wasted money on a bit of flimsy cardboard? Get a grip ffs!

Entirely unreasonable. Partners don’t give each other Christmas cards, do they? Not unless you’re after one of those truly hideous glittery or padded monstrosities declaring eternal love at Christmastide.

I honestly couldn’t give a shit if DH got me a Christmas card or not, it’s an overpriced piece of paper

Christmas cards are to send greeting to those you won’t see. So unless you haven’t seen him recently and are not expecting to see him in the next week then YAB EXtremely U.

You have used your bad mood to make him feel bad when he treats you brilliantly. Is that really what you want? Was it worth it?

I haven't read the whole thread, don't flame me!

@allgoodinthehood I had the same situation; DP 'doesn't do cards'. Claims not to like receiving them either, but I see the look on his face when he gets one - his eyes light up.

Our first valentine's together, he didn't get me a card. I was really upset. I made a point of it but I don't think he registered that it really did matter to me. After a couple more events of him not giving cards, I actually explained to him why it matters to me; that it feels like he has thought about me and made the effort.

I don't see why cards are different to presents. If he hadn't got you a present, you wouldn't be unreasonable to be upset.

YABU but I can see you have accepted and acknowledged that.
Be kind to yourself, its a funny old time.

I don't do cards so yabu. they are a waste of money

Good that you apologised, but you honestly sound a bit pathetic.

@AnneLovesGilbert

He’s generous and thoughtful in his own way. He doesn’t do cards. That’s who he is. Read up on the 5 languages of love.

Works both ways though.

YABU. Why do you need a Christmas card from him? Birthday yes, Christmas you are being silly

And you’re allowed to be upset about anything you want OP.

@Noidea2114

Our first Christmas we hardly had any money so we decided that it was pointless and expensive to buy 2 cards. We were out one day and saw a card which said on the front 'to the one I love' it was blank inside and we bought it and every year we both write something inside with the year and put it out. (41 years and counting)

I'm not a cards person at all, seems wasteful, especially the stupidly expensive ones that cost a few quid, but that's really lovely.

OP, you say 'He says " but you know I dont do cards " I know for a fact he would be rightfully upset if I didnt get him a birthday card'

So it sounds like he does do cards? He can't have it both ways. I've been upset in the past at DP not getting me a card, but then I remember that I'm quite vocal about them being a waste of money and resources, so that would make me a hypocrite to moan at him for remembering this and not getting me a card .

You need to have a proper conversation about this. But also remember that there's not a lot of sentiment behind a card that he only gets you because you'd moan at him if he didn't. If he's normally a good partner who pulls his weight, is kind and loving etc, a card really isn't needed on top, is it?

A Christmas card from your partner? Who I assume you live with? I'd find that quite odd tbh

Please give your head a massive wobble.....

YABU but you do know that... I find Christmas cards a bit baffling in a house where you all live together. DH would think I'd gone mad if I got him a Christmas card.

BUT. Maybe you're upset because this is such a shitty time and a card would have felt nice? I think lots of people are a bit easily upset at the moment because everything is a bit horrible.

Maybe, if that's the case, tell him that to explain. Then try to move on from it. He sounds like a nice guy who does care for you. Have you got kids? Maybe he could make a card with them if you do...

Cards are only useful to send to those you can't see.

I agree. Giving them to the people around you seems silly. It's as if I've written "Hi, how're you getting on?" on a piece of paper and handed it to them, and they've written "Fine, thanks. And you?" and handed it back.

But I do give them to people (including DH) who think they're important.

@allgoodinthehood

Im upset because he has always said " Id rather have a nice card with lovely words in than a present " We have always given each other lovely cards. When I asked him about his U turn on cards he said I love receiving cards from you but I dont like giving them or words to that effect. Well this is bloody news to me . He does ALWAYS put thought and effort into my presents and everyday life. Im being AIBU arnt I

I know you’ve now apologised, but I think, given this update, you actually had a good point.

Someone who tells you “I like it when you do something for me but I don’t like doing that for you [even though you enjoy receiving]” is being selfish. And it’s definitely reasonable to be upset at your partner being selfish at Christmas. (Any time, in fact).

I would just query if this is a one off He didn’t mean because he usually goes to the effort and this year he has tried but 3 shops not having a card he could buy put him over the edge for Christmas burn out this year? Even so, yes, you are entitled to be upset.

Tbf I went to two different supermarkets and couldn't find any tree decorations/tinsel/tree lights.

It's pretty rubbish tbf.It's only a card.Can't you ask him to make a donation to your favourite charity in lieu of a card?

Sorry but if I was with someone who doesn't do cards, I'd tell them that they bloody well do now.