Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Should I spend NY with my mum?

178 replies

RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:25

My mum is 56 YO, doesnt have a partner (her own choice) so is on her own. My sister lives with my mum (25 YO) but she said she might be going over to her partners brothers house for NY.

My friend has invited me, DH and our kids to hers for NY. This leaves my mum on her own. My mum says "shes not bothered about new year anyway and there isnt anywhere to go". So I told my mum last night I might be going to a friends however I might be taking DC's with me or if they dont want to come would she mind having DC's? and her response was "great so your leaving me on my own for New Years? I thought NY was supposed to be a family time?". I was asked her "Why are you making me feel guilty like this?" and she replied "no, im not making you feel guilty, I am just pointing it out... you should put your children first and just come round to mine and celebrate that way". I didnt answer her. I've just thought its never bothered her any other year as shes always had small plans with her x-partner (that is another thread in itself he wasn't really a parter - he was just a friend but she wont let him go after over 10 years - yes 10 - of not being in a relationship together. I know, its not healthy at all and I've really really tried to help her).

So yes..... how do I deal with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:34

Sorry about the grammar/typo's above!! So her X-Partner will not be going over to hers for new years eve, as he is an X-Partner of about 10 years, number 2 he hasnt been over to my mums house for new years for around 2yrs, he stopped going out places with her (like the pub or restaurants) for the past few years. The only interaction they have with each other is walking the dogs together 2 times a day. They meet at the park every day to walk their dogs. I tell her this is not giving her closure but she says they are just friends and is happy with that. Obviously I cannot control her life but she is so lonely. She has a good career but doesnt have any friends. I have no idea how to help her. I guess I am just trying to reach out with ways I can cheer her up.

OP posts:
Amira19 · 21/12/2020 09:34

Yabu you are aware we are in a pandemic in youre in the UK. Youre not meant to socialise between houses thats the whole point.

Original poster
RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:38

I will get flamed for this, but I only know 2 house holds (out of around 30+) sticking to these rules. We were allowed to socialize for "5 days" over the pandemic yet now we can socialize for "1 day". No one is taking the government seriously anymore they've messed everyone around for too long.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 21/12/2020 09:40

Unless you live in Cornwall you shouldn’t be doing either of these things and even in Cornwall the rule of six applies.

LoudBatPerson · 21/12/2020 09:41

@RoyalBlue201

I will get flamed for this, but I only know 2 house holds (out of around 30+) sticking to these rules. We were allowed to socialize for "5 days" over the pandemic yet now we can socialize for "1 day". No one is taking the government seriously anymore they've messed everyone around for too long.
Perhaps in your circle, however it's most certainly not the case that "no one" is taking the restrictions seriously.

None of our circle have any plans to see others for NY, except for those already in established support bubbles.

Amira19 · 21/12/2020 09:42

You're making the your own rules to suit. We were never encouraged to gather on news years eve or day at all. The 5 day prior to the change was between the 23rd and 27th to allow travel to families which has now been scrapped. You have no regard to the virus and youre clearly part of the problem which is where we are in the situation we are in.

Original poster
RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:42

Even the own government aren’t taking it seriously - please open your eyes, my mum is in “my support bubble” but how many “support bubbles” are manipulated ? When I say manipulated , I mean chopping and changing bubbles etc.

OP posts:
Houseplantmad · 21/12/2020 09:42

There's a reason the rules have changed. Please don't be an idiot.

PennineSpring · 21/12/2020 09:43

OP have you seen the news at all this year?

Spied · 21/12/2020 09:44

You shouldn't be going anywhereHmm

Mousehole10 · 21/12/2020 09:44

So selfish. There are those of us who can’t see any family at all for even one day at Christmas. Everyone is devastated, I’ve had so many calls with friends and family all just crying. And there you are trying to decide who to spend New Years with, even though it’s illegal. I’ve tried to ignore people breaking the rules so far but this is a step too far now. Stop being a selfish arsehole and stick to it so the rest of us can have a hope of seeing family soon.

Original poster
RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:44

I do care about the rules, I see my mum and sister (one house hold), my DH’s parents (house hold two), I work in a professional office once a week where there are around 3 people in the room, and I’m going to see my friends on NY (a house hold of 4).

OP posts:
LadyLazaruss · 21/12/2020 09:45

I wouldn't judge you

Amira19 · 21/12/2020 09:45

RoyalBlue201 you want to go to you're friends and dump youre dc on youre mother so she's youre support bubble when it suits. All I'm bothered about is seeing my terminally ill father on Christmas day I couldnt careless about any other day.

FoodDrive · 21/12/2020 09:45

Irrespective of how ridiculous your question is because no one should be mixing anyway, I think your mum is upset that you have asked her to babysit. You have decided that you would prefer to break the law to spend time with friends rather than her or your children. This is not a normal year.

Womencanlift · 21/12/2020 09:46

OP if your mum is your support bubble that’s who you should be seeing not your friends. Under the rules both now and last week NYE was essentially cancelled as the 5 day window didn’t cover that.

But guess like some others on here you are not considering following any rules so not sure why you even posted this

Original poster
RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:47

The government have made an absolute mess of all this, teachers can look after around 30 children yet they can’t socialise. I WAS sticking to the rules, but after this mess around with Christmas I will most certainly WILL NOT be sticking to the rules. I think a lot of people will be breaking the rules over Christmas in all honesty.

OP posts:
Amira19 · 21/12/2020 09:47

You clearly have no understanding of the rules whatsoever. You can have a support bubble if they are vunerable. On Christmas day you're household can mix with 2 households thats it.

Frouby · 21/12/2020 09:47

You are breaking the rules OP, you know that and have no fucks to give do you?

Seeline · 21/12/2020 09:47

@RoyalBlue201

Even the own government aren’t taking it seriously - please open your eyes, my mum is in “my support bubble” but how many “support bubbles” are manipulated ? When I say manipulated , I mean chopping and changing bubbles etc.
Neither your Mum or you are adults living on your own so you do not get support bubbles.

Just stick to the bloody rules and we might be out of this by the middle of next year.

Aprilx · 21/12/2020 09:47

@RoyalBlue201

Even the own government aren’t taking it seriously - please open your eyes, my mum is in “my support bubble” but how many “support bubbles” are manipulated ? When I say manipulated , I mean chopping and changing bubbles etc.
Your mum is not your support bubble. You have a DH so you are not allowed one and she lives with an adult daughter so she is not allowed a support bubble either.
GreekOddess · 21/12/2020 09:48

New Year's Eve is a complete non event for me. It signals the end of the Christmas festivities, back to work and 3 months of grotty weather. I couldn't care less if I saw the new year in on my own. Traditionally NY is a time for friends anyway isn't it? I've never thought of it as a family time.

YABU to flout the rules. We've just moved into tier 4 and been told to act like we have the virus. I'm sure that the majority of the country will be in tier 4 shortly. I don't see why I should have to stay my house for the next few months so you can bring the rules for a stupid NY gathering.

Amira19 · 21/12/2020 09:48

Where abouts in the UK are you out of interest?

scammedmum29 · 21/12/2020 09:48

It’s people like you OP that’s causing this bloody nightmare to continue for longer than it needs to.

GreekOddess · 21/12/2020 09:49

Apologies for the typos. My phone likes auto correct 🙄

Swipe left for the next trending thread