Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Should I spend NY with my mum?

178 replies

RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:25

My mum is 56 YO, doesnt have a partner (her own choice) so is on her own. My sister lives with my mum (25 YO) but she said she might be going over to her partners brothers house for NY.

My friend has invited me, DH and our kids to hers for NY. This leaves my mum on her own. My mum says "shes not bothered about new year anyway and there isnt anywhere to go". So I told my mum last night I might be going to a friends however I might be taking DC's with me or if they dont want to come would she mind having DC's? and her response was "great so your leaving me on my own for New Years? I thought NY was supposed to be a family time?". I was asked her "Why are you making me feel guilty like this?" and she replied "no, im not making you feel guilty, I am just pointing it out... you should put your children first and just come round to mine and celebrate that way". I didnt answer her. I've just thought its never bothered her any other year as shes always had small plans with her x-partner (that is another thread in itself he wasn't really a parter - he was just a friend but she wont let him go after over 10 years - yes 10 - of not being in a relationship together. I know, its not healthy at all and I've really really tried to help her).

So yes..... how do I deal with this?

OP posts:
baublesbaubleseverywhere · 21/12/2020 09:58

@RoyalBlue201 as long as is necessary. No one is enjoying this, but the longer people insist in mixing inside, outside of their household groups, the longer this will drag on for.
Just stick to the bloody rules!

Chemenger · 21/12/2020 09:58

How long until we see grandparents- at least until Easter at the moment. I don’t know anyone showing the kind of casual disregard for the rules as the OP. Or who has the complete lack of self-awareness that they come on here to seek affirmation of their behaviours. Rick on OP, we all know you’re going to anyway because you do care about anyone else.

sauceyorange · 21/12/2020 09:59

@RoyalBlue201

I have been seeing family etc , we have all been very careful with this, not one of us (family or friends) have contracted the virus.
That you know of. 1 in 3 is asymptomatic.

Grow the fuck up

cantkeepgoing · 21/12/2020 09:59

Op are you a journalist?!
Surely you're not justifying any of what you're doing and proposing that we all join you in doing what you're doing?!

WHY DO THE RULES NOT APPLY TO YOU?!

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2020 09:59

@RoyalBlue201

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.
The longer you completely disregard the rules, the longer we will all be expected to. I have sympathy for I can't see Mom Xmas day as she's working so we're going today etc but you don't need to be in and out of other people's houses partying in THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC.
PinkFlamingo888 · 21/12/2020 10:00

Also I’m so bored of hearing people saying they’ll do what they want because the government have fucked up. I have family in 4 different countries and everyone of them is in the same situation as us near enough.
It’s a global pandemic. Grow up and stop throwing your toys out of the pram.

baublesbaubleseverywhere · 21/12/2020 10:00

@RoyalBlue201

I have been seeing family etc , we have all been very careful with this, not one of us (family or friends) have contracted the virus.
How have you being careful? Have you been mixing inside? Or just outside whilst socially distanced?
RedskyAtnight · 21/12/2020 10:00

@RoyalBlue201

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.
It sounds like you live close to your family/friends so you can see them outside (even in Tier 4 you can see them 1 at a time). You're in a massively more fortunate position than those who live miles away from family/friends and haven't seen them for months, and may not do so. Read some of the threads on here. People haven't seen their parents all year, but are managing with phone and video calls because that's the right thing to do. I'd have some sympathy if you were in that position - but you're not.
Amira19 · 21/12/2020 10:00

I hazard a guess youre in tier 4.

Seeline · 21/12/2020 10:00

@RoyalBlue201

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.
As long as it takes.

And it will be less time of people pull together and stick to the rules.

And hopefully the people I want to see will still be alive when we are allowed to see them.

If my DMum and MIL, both in their 80s, are both willing to have Christmas Day on their own (after having spent many, many days on their own throughout this pandemic), surely you can mange a NYE at home with your DH and kids?

PhilCornwall1 · 21/12/2020 10:00

@RoyalBlue201

I will get flamed for this, but I only know 2 house holds (out of around 30+) sticking to these rules. We were allowed to socialize for "5 days" over the pandemic yet now we can socialize for "1 day". No one is taking the government seriously anymore they've messed everyone around for too long.
Yep, you are going to get a kicking. Do what you feel comfortable with ultimately.
Aprilx · 21/12/2020 10:01

@RoyalBlue201

I have been seeing family etc , we have all been very careful with this, not one of us (family or friends) have contracted the virus.
You do not know this. You could have been asymptotic but this still means you can pass it on to others.
starsinyourpies · 21/12/2020 10:01

OP I am so cross just reading this!!! As previous posters have said you are your mum are not entitled to support bubbles and you shouldn't be seeing other family indoors!! Get a grip. It's shit for everyone and will go on for longer if idiots like youkeep ignoring the rules!!!

Scarlett1251 · 21/12/2020 10:02

Where on earth do you live to even be debating this? You are worried about new year? You are going to friends? Most people are not even getting to see family members on Christmas Day! I'm amazed there are people like you, seemingly oblivious to the crisis we are in tight now.

humblesims · 21/12/2020 10:02

The government have made an absolute mess of all
Yeah but that is not an excuse to just throw your hands up in the air and say fuck it. You (we all) have a responsibility to act in the interests of the community and the greater good, not just think in a selfish, individualistic way. We are in for the long haul and 'people like you' are going to make it last a lot longer and, inevitably, add to the death toll. Use your brain.

Littlepaws18 · 21/12/2020 10:02

People are dying from this. You are very lucky not to have been effected by this. So for the rest of the country do the right thing, follow the rules and protect the country and your own family from this horrendous disease. That is worth more than a pathetic excuse to meet up for a party.

Zippy1510 · 21/12/2020 10:02

How is your mum in your support bubble if she lives with your sister? Support bubbles are for single adult households only- she doesn’t qualify to be in one with you? So unless you are a single parent this shouldn’t have been happening anyway

ohidoliketobe · 21/12/2020 10:03

my mum is in “my support bubble” how? from what you've said neither of you are in single adult households.

So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time
that's not what the intent of your OP was, if you are using this as an argument/ genuine query as to why people are disagreeing with your plans I suggest you start an entire new topic

AuntieMarys · 21/12/2020 10:03

You are an idiot.

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 10:04

@RoyalBlue201

I will get flamed for this, but I only know 2 house holds (out of around 30+) sticking to these rules. We were allowed to socialize for "5 days" over the pandemic yet now we can socialize for "1 day". No one is taking the government seriously anymore they've messed everyone around for too long.
Consider yourself flamed.

You can sort your own 'problem' out if you're going to flout the rules so brazenly

Angry
maddening · 21/12/2020 10:04

Yabu, unless in tier 1 you should not be mixing with households indoors. In tier 2 you could in the rule of 6 have a 2 side open gazebo with a heater in a garden though.

Stop being selfish, you and your arsehole family are the problem.

LucyLocketsPocket · 21/12/2020 10:04

Is this a joke? Unbelievable!

chipolte · 21/12/2020 10:05

It’s more than 3 households if your sister is planning to go to her partner’s brother’s house for NYE. If your sister has been seeing her partner up to now, that’s even more.

The fact that members of these households have been going to work doesn’t justify you breaking the rules. Workplaces have Covid safety measures in place, a NYE party will involve hours in close proximity with booze.

Seriously, stay at home. I love NYE and always make a big deal of it. The idea of staying at home with crap tv is so sad but I don’t know how you can even think about meeting up with anyone for it this year.

So many people are suffering in different ways at the moment, stop acting like your actions have no consequences.

RolandSchitt · 21/12/2020 10:05

My son showed me a video last night of a young woman who has just lost her own mum, has contracted COVID herself so can't go to her mum's funeral, and is now spending Christmas alone.

It puts into perspective my mild inconvenience of not being able to see my family.

Stay the fuck at home.

Cocomarine · 21/12/2020 10:05

Thick as pigshit 🙄
Break the rules if you’re going to (though obviously I think you shouldn’t) but do NOT go mouthing off about “support bubbles” that do not exist. You are not in a support bubble with your mum.
So just say it: I’m breaking the rules.