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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Should I spend NY with my mum?

178 replies

RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:25

My mum is 56 YO, doesnt have a partner (her own choice) so is on her own. My sister lives with my mum (25 YO) but she said she might be going over to her partners brothers house for NY.

My friend has invited me, DH and our kids to hers for NY. This leaves my mum on her own. My mum says "shes not bothered about new year anyway and there isnt anywhere to go". So I told my mum last night I might be going to a friends however I might be taking DC's with me or if they dont want to come would she mind having DC's? and her response was "great so your leaving me on my own for New Years? I thought NY was supposed to be a family time?". I was asked her "Why are you making me feel guilty like this?" and she replied "no, im not making you feel guilty, I am just pointing it out... you should put your children first and just come round to mine and celebrate that way". I didnt answer her. I've just thought its never bothered her any other year as shes always had small plans with her x-partner (that is another thread in itself he wasn't really a parter - he was just a friend but she wont let him go after over 10 years - yes 10 - of not being in a relationship together. I know, its not healthy at all and I've really really tried to help her).

So yes..... how do I deal with this?

OP posts:
omg35 · 21/12/2020 12:55

@Nanny0gg that's great! Sadly I'm not seeing the same with my own family and friends. So scared I'm going to end up giving birth alone in Feb after having to do every other pregnant thing alone too cos of the selfish people around us

hardboiledeggs · 21/12/2020 13:39

And this is why we are in the mess that we are currently in. The selfishness is absolutely astounding Hmm

BashfulClam · 21/12/2020 13:47

@RoyalBlue201

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.
I haven’t seen my mum since July and that was outside. Because of people like you and the other you know breaking the rules I might not see her again till July next year possibly later. So yes done of us are sticking to the rules and not seeing loved ones so we don’t kill them!
KatieB55 · 21/12/2020 13:49

Completely unreasonable. You need to read what a support bubble on the government coronavirus website. You are just mixing households.

user1471505494 · 21/12/2020 14:00

It is obvious that you are going to do exactly what you want to do so why bother asking

onlythepianoplayer · 21/12/2020 14:04

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Schoolchoicesucks · 21/12/2020 14:07

This is surely just a goady "I'm going to break the rules" post. There's not really a question, is there?

OP, if you're going to break the rules, go ahead. Don't really care whether you break them by seeing your mother or friends.

CouldBeOuting · 21/12/2020 16:28

My FRIENDS are all following the rules!

My close family are following the rules.

I know of a few people who have decided not to (we are all tier 4) but they are acquaintances and family that we have practically no contact with.

These peoples’ decisions to break the rules are just illustrative of the reasons we have very little contact with them.....

Butchyrestingface · 21/12/2020 16:47

The government have made an absolute mess of all this, teachers can look after around 30 children yet they can’t socialise. I WAS sticking to the rules, but after this mess around with Christmas I will most certainly WILL NOT be sticking to the rules. I think a lot of people will be breaking the rules over Christmas in all honesty.

Ho ho ho, I'm going to break the role because YOLO but is my mum (the cow) being unreasonable because she doesn't want to mind my kids on her own on NYE whilst I go off getting rat arsed and potentially spreading/catching infection?

ApolloandDaphne · 21/12/2020 19:18

@RoyalBlue201

I do care about the rules, I see my mum and sister (one house hold), my DH’s parents (house hold two), I work in a professional office once a week where there are around 3 people in the room, and I’m going to see my friends on NY (a house hold of 4).
You don't care about the rules because you are planning to break them right left and centre. It's selfish arses like you and your friends and family who are spreading this virus.
TeenageMutantNinjaCovid · 21/12/2020 19:21

@Womencanlift

OP if your mum is your support bubble that’s who you should be seeing not your friends. Under the rules both now and last week NYE was essentially cancelled as the 5 day window didn’t cover that.

But guess like some others on here you are not considering following any rules so not sure why you even posted this

Her mum doesnt live alone
Womencanlift · 21/12/2020 19:45

@TeenageMutantNinjaCovid yes I noticed I had missed that point and added another post saying that. I do wish you could edit posts in MN

Minky37 · 21/12/2020 19:47

Fucking hell. We have no chance of getting out of lockdown if people think like the OP.

I have been seeing family etc , we have all been very careful with this, not one of us (family or friends) have contracted the virus.
People can be asymptotic! You are ignoring / misunderstanding what is permitted. Just because it’s ‘permitted’ doesn’t mean there’s no risk.

Maryslairs · 21/12/2020 19:49

Are you trying to wind people up are genuinely this thick.

Rudolph98 · 21/12/2020 20:11

Op, have you been watching the news? 🤣

gurglebelly · 21/12/2020 21:52

FFS I despair at the stupidity of some people....

Logantrical · 22/12/2020 12:05

It's not surprising we're in the mess we're in now when we have selfish people doing stupid things like this.

SmallChrismas · 22/12/2020 13:18

This has got to be a wind up. How can someone be so thick, selfish or both?

nickyschof · 22/12/2020 21:58

@Amira19 you're allowed to go and see family members who are terminally ill no matter which tier you're in. Someone on Radio 2 asked this today.

nickyschof · 22/12/2020 22:07

@RoyalBlue201. If this is real, I hope someone calls the police on you.

notanothertakeaway · 22/12/2020 22:15

We have followed the rules and will continue to do so. It is frustrating whwn people like OP feel that other people should do the right thing, but they are special / exempt

ilovesooty · 22/12/2020 22:17

You either don't understand quite simple information or you don't give a fuck about others. Not sure which is worse.

sparkler10 · 22/12/2020 22:27

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Sn0tnose · 22/12/2020 23:03

I do care about the rules Except for when they interfere with your social life?

I see my mum and sister (one house hold), my DH’s parents (house hold two), I work in a professional office once a week where there are around 3 people in the room, and I’m going to see my friends on NY (a house hold of 4). I don’t think you and your family understand how bubbles work. You see your mum and your sister (one household). Your sister sees her boyfriend (two households). You also see your DH’s parents (three households) and now you want to see your friend (four households). Have you checked with your sister’s boyfriend, your DH’s parents and your friend and her family that they aren’t mixing with any other households at all? Because if you’re in a bubble with them, they can’t be in a bubble with anyone else.

BlankProfile · 22/12/2020 23:32

How serious does it have to get before you will follow the guidance? How many people have to die before you give a shit?

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