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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Should I spend NY with my mum?

178 replies

RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:25

My mum is 56 YO, doesnt have a partner (her own choice) so is on her own. My sister lives with my mum (25 YO) but she said she might be going over to her partners brothers house for NY.

My friend has invited me, DH and our kids to hers for NY. This leaves my mum on her own. My mum says "shes not bothered about new year anyway and there isnt anywhere to go". So I told my mum last night I might be going to a friends however I might be taking DC's with me or if they dont want to come would she mind having DC's? and her response was "great so your leaving me on my own for New Years? I thought NY was supposed to be a family time?". I was asked her "Why are you making me feel guilty like this?" and she replied "no, im not making you feel guilty, I am just pointing it out... you should put your children first and just come round to mine and celebrate that way". I didnt answer her. I've just thought its never bothered her any other year as shes always had small plans with her x-partner (that is another thread in itself he wasn't really a parter - he was just a friend but she wont let him go after over 10 years - yes 10 - of not being in a relationship together. I know, its not healthy at all and I've really really tried to help her).

So yes..... how do I deal with this?

OP posts:
AiryFairyMum · 21/12/2020 10:06

You can't see either of them on new year's eve. Stay at home and grow the fuck up.

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 10:06

@RoyalBlue201

I do care about the rules, I see my mum and sister (one house hold), my DH’s parents (house hold two), I work in a professional office once a week where there are around 3 people in the room, and I’m going to see my friends on NY (a house hold of 4).
You don't care about the rules.

Youre breaking them left, right and centre!

Brieminewine · 21/12/2020 10:06

@RoyalBlue201

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.
But your not wanting to see ‘elderly relatives’ you want to dump your kids on your mum so you can go get pissed at your mates!

You’re not special stop being a dick! NYE was never in the plans for the relaxation period which has now been stopped anyway!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/12/2020 10:07

You are clearly ignoring the rules and doing what you want OP so why is NTE any different? Stop making threads to antagonize others who have sacrificed a lot to keep within the law when you are doing what you want regardless.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/12/2020 10:07

*NYE

cremeeggsonboxingday · 21/12/2020 10:08

This has to be a wind up

Thethingswedoforlove · 21/12/2020 10:08

Op you don’t know that none of you have contracted the virus let alone passed it on. A big proportion of people have, carry and pass on the virus entirely without symptoms. That is the reason most of the rest of us are following the rules. Because we care about the possibility that we could be unwittingly passing the virus onto people we don’t even know.

binkyblinky · 21/12/2020 10:08

My mum looks after her husband who has a brain injury and literally doesn't speak to her. They live alone.
They were supposed to be coming to us on Christmas Day.
But they aren't now, because there has been a rule change.
We aren't seeing anyone at new year either, because we want to STOP this horrid disease from spreading further, and we want to protect our loved ones.
If you don't give a shit about your friends and family, crack on. But you're being incredibly stupid.
LIVES ARE AT STAKE HERE

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 10:09

@RoyalBlue201

The government have made an absolute mess of all this, teachers can look after around 30 children yet they can’t socialise. I WAS sticking to the rules, but after this mess around with Christmas I will most certainly WILL NOT be sticking to the rules. I think a lot of people will be breaking the rules over Christmas in all honesty.
Then sort your own mess out.

You've got a nerve coming on here for advice, frankly

Enjoy the NY lockdown we'll all be in because of fools like you.

MsVestibule · 21/12/2020 10:10

I visit my elderly parents very occasionally and either sit outside or in a very well ventilated room. Obviously my visit doesn't last long as it's bloody freezing.

I know you say that out of the 30 households you know, only two are sticking to the rules. That's because we tend to be friends with people who have the same outlook as us. All of my my friends are sticking to the rules because we're not selfish arseholes 🤷‍♀️.

Your rationale of 'well they're all working so why shouldn't they be socialising too' is just ridiculous. I have to go out to work, my children have to go to school and we take the risks that go with it, but that doesn't mean we're then going to socialise and spread whatever we might have picked up to our friends and family.

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 10:11

@RoyalBlue201

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.
I'm a grandparent.

We have vulnerable family members.

So as long as it bloody well takes

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 10:11

@Houseplantmad

There's a reason the rules have changed. Please don't be an idiot.
Too late...
MsVestibule · 21/12/2020 10:13

After reading the OP's update at 9.58 I've decided she must be a troll, because really, nobody is THAT thick.

purpleboy · 21/12/2020 10:14

Really ignorant viewpoint you have there. I'm surprised your so happy to put your mum at risk, you must really not give a fuck about her, and obviously you could live with yourself if your actions cause her illness or worse death. Most people couldn't and so therefore decide to be careful. But please remember it's people like you who are continuing to keep this virus circulating, because your just oh so special, the rules don't apply to you.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2020 10:15

@RoyalBlue201

I have been seeing family etc , we have all been very careful with this, not one of us (family or friends) have contracted the virus.
Have tested positive you mean
wantmorenow · 21/12/2020 10:15

Careful is not mixing at all except for essential activities like working, caring for vulnerable others, shopping and limited other actIvities.

You are being the opposite of careful. Selfish, stupid and reckless with your own and other's health.

sparklewhynot · 21/12/2020 10:16

You are what is known as a "super-spreader". Going around, no fucks given. You're an idiot.

nokidshere · 21/12/2020 10:17

The government have made an absolute mess of all this, teachers can look after around 30 children yet they can’t socialise. I WAS sticking to the rules, but after this mess around with Christmas I will most certainly WILL NOT be sticking to the rules. I think a lot of people will be breaking the rules over Christmas in all honesty.

Dear god are people really this stupid?

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 21/12/2020 10:18

How are we ever going to get out of this if people insist on breaking the rules.

So. Many. Stupid. People.

jerometheturnipking · 21/12/2020 10:18

Fucking hell I can’t believe that 9 months in we’re still having to explain to fuckwits that going to work and socialising are not. The. Same.

Your bath fills faster with both taps running.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 21/12/2020 10:19

The excuses for rules breaking astound me!

“The government has fucked up” yes couldn’t agree with you more, I hate this government. Just because they’re hopeless doesn’t mean we can ignore the rules - the virus doesn’t care whether you’re a fan of Boris or not.

“Why can schools be open but we can’t socialise?” We can’t socialise so that schools can stay open. Trying to keep schools open has been a top priority because education is so important. We’re sacrificing other things because of that. Schools are first to open, last to close.

It’s just excuses because you want to do what you want to do a screw everyone else.

Heyahun · 21/12/2020 10:19

You derailed your whole thread with your shitty attitude tbh 😂

Frazzled2207 · 21/12/2020 10:19

@RoyalBlue201

I will get flamed for this, but I only know 2 house holds (out of around 30+) sticking to these rules. We were allowed to socialize for "5 days" over the pandemic yet now we can socialize for "1 day". No one is taking the government seriously anymore they've messed everyone around for too long.
Bloody nora. Why do you think it's spreading so fast? Do you really not care?

BTW I am not a member of the corona police, I have on occasion bended the rules slightly. But what you and the people you know are doing is totally irresponsible and to blame for the situation we now find ourselves in.

GintyMcGinty · 21/12/2020 10:20

It's not just rules but laws you are breaking.

YABU in every way.

historygeek · 21/12/2020 10:21

If this is real, OP you need to grow up. I am a teacher and actually see 150 kids some days, not 30. It is precisely because I can't trust that the parents of the kids I teach aren't as stupid as you that I haven't seen my parents or PILs. It's awful, my DS is four and has changed so much since he saw his grandparents last. He won't be able to see them for the foreseeable because of fuckwittery like this!

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