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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Should I spend NY with my mum?

178 replies

RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:25

My mum is 56 YO, doesnt have a partner (her own choice) so is on her own. My sister lives with my mum (25 YO) but she said she might be going over to her partners brothers house for NY.

My friend has invited me, DH and our kids to hers for NY. This leaves my mum on her own. My mum says "shes not bothered about new year anyway and there isnt anywhere to go". So I told my mum last night I might be going to a friends however I might be taking DC's with me or if they dont want to come would she mind having DC's? and her response was "great so your leaving me on my own for New Years? I thought NY was supposed to be a family time?". I was asked her "Why are you making me feel guilty like this?" and she replied "no, im not making you feel guilty, I am just pointing it out... you should put your children first and just come round to mine and celebrate that way". I didnt answer her. I've just thought its never bothered her any other year as shes always had small plans with her x-partner (that is another thread in itself he wasn't really a parter - he was just a friend but she wont let him go after over 10 years - yes 10 - of not being in a relationship together. I know, its not healthy at all and I've really really tried to help her).

So yes..... how do I deal with this?

OP posts:
LadyCatStark · 21/12/2020 10:53

@RoyalBlue201

My grammar/spelling is poor right now (writing from my phone). Sorry about that ! As I said, I’ve been seeing 2 other house holds, yet some people living in these house holds have been going to work? So the whole system is broken clearly - as shown by the statistics with people contracting the virus.
This makes no sense! The whole point of the “system” is that you don’t see 2 other households. That was, if they do pick anything up at work, they don’t pass to on to other households!
Beautifulbonnie · 21/12/2020 10:56

Be the one who sticks out then!

Be the lion. Don't follow your friends who are sheep

There's a pandemic with a new mutated level of the virus.

PimlicoJo · 21/12/2020 10:56

Your mum isn't in your support bubble if she has another adult living with her and you are living with your DH. Neither are single households.

I'm so utterly sick of people like you thinking you can make the rules suit you. You're not planning to do anything asked of you.

Meanwhile, like many others DH and I will see no-one over Xmas. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

nosswith · 21/12/2020 10:57

Please decline the friend's invite. NYE is a non-event in England, understand if you are Scottish, but in any case stay at home. If you dislike Jools Holland's show there are alternatives.

FluffySocks75 · 21/12/2020 11:00

Fucking hell Xmas Angry my friend, a mn poster, has just gone into hospital with covid. She is young. Stay the fuvk at home and zoom your mum 24/7 on live stream if you need to

mamaoffourdc · 21/12/2020 11:11

Stay at home you idiot! You sound like a child "everyone else is doing it"
Your mum can't be your support bubble as she leaves with another adult!
Ffs it's going to be around a lot longer with the likes of you on the streets

melspur · 21/12/2020 11:12

People like you OP are why I'm having to see out a 6 day isolation period which comes to an end at 23:59 on Xmas day, therefore I can't see my partner, who is my support bubble as I'm a single parent. Can't get out to shop for those last minute fresh bits and am too late to get a delivery from anywhere. So I hope you enjoy your new year celebrations and I also hope your blatant disregard for the rules won't mean it's the last for you or your loved ones.

PizzaForOne · 21/12/2020 11:13

It's your sister ditching her, not you.

She sounds nasty OP.

Neolara · 21/12/2020 11:15

Support bubbles are for people who live alone. If your mum lives with your sister, she can't be in a support bubble with you.

And like everyone else on this thread, no, don't see your mum on NYE. And don't go to anyone else's house. Stay at home.

LouJ85 · 21/12/2020 11:16

You and your mum can’t be in a support bubble as neither of you live in single adult households.

The rules around support bubbles have now been expanded, as of 2nd December. I don't think any of it applies to the OP in this case regardless, however just so people are aware there are new criteria for support bubbles - it's not just being in a single adult household anymore...

AIBU - Should I spend NY with my mum?
luckylavender · 21/12/2020 11:17

I'm sorry for my anger but I hate selfish spoiled entitled brats like this OP. There, I feel better now.

1987qwerty · 21/12/2020 11:20

Thank you OP for explaining so clearly how the virus spreads so quickly and easily. It's because of idiots like you.

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 11:22

@Hobnobswantshernameback

Name changer tick Goady post tick Grammar froth tick

If it quacks like a duck ,walks like a duck, acts like a duck.....

OP not coming back...
slashlover · 21/12/2020 11:23

Going to save this thread so when people ask "But why is the virus spreading if we're in lockdown?" then I can point them here.

SelfIcellation · 21/12/2020 11:23

@RoyalBlue201 Not seen my parents in person since mid-December 2019, because of the (numerous changes to) rules, and because Dad is shielding. I'd have to get public transport to see them which causes my Dad lots of anxiety. They are in Tier 2 and I'm now in Tier 4. So no, as much as I want to see them, I can't.

PurpleMustang · 21/12/2020 11:23

So what would make you stick to the rules. Someone you love catches it or do they need to die?
I will do as I need to see people again when it is safe rather than bury them.
You obviously can't even read the rules properly as your mum is not in your support bubble as she is not living on her own. And it isn't just about the households you are seeing, your sister is mixing households aswell for a start. I'm starting to feel sorry for your mum, none of you care about keeping her safe

emilyfrost · 21/12/2020 11:27

YABVU and selfish, but you don’t seem to give a shit about that so there’s no point really mentioning it.

That aside, all you want is to dump your kids on the mum you’re abandoning at New Year to go and have a party with your mates and that’s just awful behaviour. No wonder your mum is calling you out on it.

omg35 · 21/12/2020 11:30

Can I just say thank you to pretty much everyone who has commented on this post? Apart from a handful of you and the OP of course, your comments have really reassured me that there are plenty of people out there taking the rules seriously and not bending them to suit themselves. I've been feeling a bit sad and mad (pregnancy hormones) the last few days but you've all helped me feel much better now that most people are doing the right thing

Rememberallball · 21/12/2020 11:31

@RoyalBlue201

Even the own government aren’t taking it seriously - please open your eyes, my mum is in “my support bubble” but how many “support bubbles” are manipulated ? When I say manipulated , I mean chopping and changing bubbles etc.
From your first post your mum doesn’t live alone and you aren’t a single parent so neither of your households fit the criteria for creating a support bubble meaning you’re using the term to justify breaking the rules. And the ‘5 day’ bubble never included New Year so you can’t use that as a justification for it either.
Natsel84 · 21/12/2020 11:36

Op did you really think you wouldn't get flamed on here ?

Stay home and get a take away and video call your friends .

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 11:56

@omg35

Can I just say thank you to pretty much everyone who has commented on this post? Apart from a handful of you and the OP of course, your comments have really reassured me that there are plenty of people out there taking the rules seriously and not bending them to suit themselves. I've been feeling a bit sad and mad (pregnancy hormones) the last few days but you've all helped me feel much better now that most people are doing the right thing
It's anecdotal I know, but I only know of one person flouting the Christmas Day rules (and they're an acquaintance). All of my friends and neighbours have cancelled everything - even the walks that were planned - as we've gone from Tier 3 to 4
Chloemol · 21/12/2020 12:16

@RoyalBlue201

And everyone wonders why we are stuck in lockdown

Just follow the bloody rules

Mia1415 · 21/12/2020 12:26

*And everyone wonders why we are stuck in lockdown

Just follow the bloody rules*

THIS!

RaiderOfTheKitchenCupboard · 21/12/2020 12:30

Haven’t seen my parents and brother since last Christmas. That’s some sense of entitlement you and your family have OP, why are you so fucking special?

MsTSwift · 21/12/2020 12:35

Your mum sounds like a martyr but are you in an alternative universe? We have a lovely local group of friends all staying in our own houses this year my parents too 🙄