Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Should I spend NY with my mum?

178 replies

RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:25

My mum is 56 YO, doesnt have a partner (her own choice) so is on her own. My sister lives with my mum (25 YO) but she said she might be going over to her partners brothers house for NY.

My friend has invited me, DH and our kids to hers for NY. This leaves my mum on her own. My mum says "shes not bothered about new year anyway and there isnt anywhere to go". So I told my mum last night I might be going to a friends however I might be taking DC's with me or if they dont want to come would she mind having DC's? and her response was "great so your leaving me on my own for New Years? I thought NY was supposed to be a family time?". I was asked her "Why are you making me feel guilty like this?" and she replied "no, im not making you feel guilty, I am just pointing it out... you should put your children first and just come round to mine and celebrate that way". I didnt answer her. I've just thought its never bothered her any other year as shes always had small plans with her x-partner (that is another thread in itself he wasn't really a parter - he was just a friend but she wont let him go after over 10 years - yes 10 - of not being in a relationship together. I know, its not healthy at all and I've really really tried to help her).

So yes..... how do I deal with this?

OP posts:
Porcupineinwaiting · 21/12/2020 10:21

The government making a mess of things makes it more important that people act sensibly not less.

You are an idiot.

whyarewehardofthinking · 21/12/2020 10:22

@RoyalBlue201 How dare you carry on like that. You are not alone, you do not have any immediate needs yet you are seeing 4 households because the 'government have fucked up'.

In my family and close friends we pretty much are all teachers or work for the NHS. None of us are seeing family. At all.

I haven't seen mine or the inlaws since August as we returned to school. My brother and sister will not see them. The cousins haven't seen each other to reduce mixing.

Christmas is household only for all of us. Because we actually give a shit about each other and other people. We have had family die from this, more left with long term complications. I teach kids who have lost parents. I've had a student in hospital since the end of November and he is still desperately ill. I have a collegue sat at home on oxygen 24/7 after catching this.

When I go back to work I will mix with over 2000 kids, my DP 1700. If 10% of the families in both of our schools (let alone the school/college our DDs go to) then all of this keeping away from others has been for absolutely fucking nothing.

You are the type of family that we report to the police btw when kids show us photos of the parties they have been to. The police have been very receptive to this and we will continue to do it. How dare you put the rest of society at increased risk.

CrotchetyQuaver · 21/12/2020 10:22

The way things are going with the new strain, we will all be back in lockdown. As things stand right now, you shouldn't be mingling indoors anyway.

56 is not geriatric!

Bazoo23 · 21/12/2020 10:23

How do I deal with this?

By staying at home like the rest of us! What makes you think you're so special that the rules dont apply?

Frazzled2207 · 21/12/2020 10:23

@RoyalBlue201

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.
This gets worse

Yes it will go on for a very long time if people like you keep breaking the rules to suit!!! If you don't then it won't!

Splann · 21/12/2020 10:24

Oh goodie, another idiot person who thinks they are more special than everyone else Hmm

1starwars2 · 21/12/2020 10:25

Stay at home. I am amazed anyone is even considering this.
Everyone I know will be doing the same.

slashlover · 21/12/2020 10:25

Do you know what I will be doing every single day except Christmas Day OP? I will be sitting in my house with only my cat for company. My place of work will be closed for 3 weeks from Boxing Day and apart from the odd supermarket run I will see NOBODY.

Utilityroomenvy · 21/12/2020 10:25

OP you are a selfish idiot. You are trying to justify your decisions but there is no justification for breaking the rules and making a mockery of everyone else who will go without seeing family and friends this year. All so you can pissed up with your friends and dump your kids on your Mum. If everyone had the same attitude as you then guess what, this time next year we will be in the same boat!

CouldBeOuting · 21/12/2020 10:26

@RoyalBlue201

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.
I work in a school so am quite a “risky” person to be around.

I haven’t met up with ANYBODY outside of work or my household since March.

I haven’t seen my Dad. I haven’t seen my in laws. I haven’t seen my brother. I haven’t seen my daughter. I haven’t seen my friends.

I shop for the old lady who lives alone over the road but although we could legitimately bubble with her we’ve agreed that we won’t as she is vulnerable and I am “risky” so we talk a lot on the phone instead.

I miss my family and friends terribly. Some of them have been very ill and all I’ve been able to do is speak to them on the phone or on zoom.

BUT I will continue to do FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES. It’s the right thing to do. It’s the sensible thing to do. It’s the intelligent thing to do.

LuckyNumberThirteen · 21/12/2020 10:31

@RoyalBlue201

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.
A very long time if that what it takes because I'm not a selfish prick.
Belepheron · 21/12/2020 10:31

People like the OP and her family and friends are what make me question democracy. Jesus Christ. You are morally and legally WRONG OP and you should be feeling fucking mortified. I'm pretty laid back but people like you make me despair.

Bazoo23 · 21/12/2020 10:32

You can't just award yourself a support bubble. Hate that we have to share an earth with people this stupid.

Peanutbutterblood · 21/12/2020 10:32

Honestly the longer idiots like you carry on breaking the rules (that's what it is, its not even bending them) the longer the majority of us cant see relatives. Selfish. I hope I dont know you in real life

MuthaFunka61 · 21/12/2020 10:37

Its my 60th birthday new years day. Am I having a party to celebrate?
No,because I care for my friends and family and I'm not 6 plus I've taken time to educate myself about the pandemic.

You know,the important stuff?

Give your head a massive fecking wobble @RoyalBlue201 and get a grip on the situation.

MumChats · 21/12/2020 10:38

There's so much wrong with this.

  • you say your mum is single by choice but also that she cant let go of her ex-partner
  • you say you are reaching out for ways to cheer your mum up
  • ...but also that she considers NY family time and you are ditching the kids on her while you go for a piss up at your friends'
  • you say you're breaking the rules because of the last minute change, but the previous relaxation did not cover NY and the government made it clear that celebrating would not be possible this year
  • You think it's stupid that teachers can teach but not socialise.

Does it really surprise you that education has been prioritised over socialising or are you just using that as another dig at the government so that you can try to justify your appalling decision making as having no faith in them.

YAB so U that of course you are getting flamed on this thread.

SpineyCrevice · 21/12/2020 10:38

@RoyalBlue201

The government have made an absolute mess of all this, teachers can look after around 30 children yet they can’t socialise. I WAS sticking to the rules, but after this mess around with Christmas I will most certainly WILL NOT be sticking to the rules. I think a lot of people will be breaking the rules over Christmas in all honesty.
So you don't give a shit about people you are potentially infecting. Nice.
Whoopsies · 21/12/2020 10:38

You say that the other households are out at work mixing with multiple people, therefore the bubble is compromised. But that's exactly why you aren't supposed to be unnecessarily mixing with those households. We aren't mixing with anyone, not either sets or parents. But that's because I want to keep everyone safe and I am not a selfish person who only cares about what I want. I will continue to stay away for as long as it takes. It's awful, I hate it. But I don't want my family to get ill or die.

SpineyCrevice · 21/12/2020 10:39

I have been shut in since the 23rd of March because my husband is very vulnerable. I have literally not been anywhere because I care about him and my fellow man.

ChristmasBubble · 21/12/2020 10:42

None of this sounds like it's in the rules. Perhaps you have a young baby or a disabled child otherwise it sounds like you shouldn't be in a support bubble anyway.

Nowaynothappening · 21/12/2020 10:43

When I read this I thought hmm maybe she is from NZ or Australia, you know to give you the benefit of the doubt. Then read further down and realised you’re in the UK totally flouting the rules.

If anyone wants to know why we have had so many cases and deaths, this is why.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 21/12/2020 10:44

Name changer tick
Goady post tick
Grammar froth tick

If it quacks like a duck ,walks like a duck, acts like a duck.....

Notnt · 21/12/2020 10:48

To answer your other question (how long we're prepared to not see family), that would be going on 10 months now for one set of parents (also grandparents to our 1 year old). Because we went into lockdown just before the last visit and now a Christmas visit (was going to be outdoors and socially distanced anyway) has had to be cancelled too.

We have went over and above with following the guidelines, haven't had physical contact with anyone outside the household since before March and no indoor visits at all, and still got COVID (partner's work, even with safety measures in place). He was asymptomatic, and other family members have been as well.

It's people ignoring the rules like this that make me even more anxious about getting this new strain at almost 7 months pregnant and possibly spending time alone in hospital if restrictions tighten again.
Hopefully none of you are asymptomatic, eh.

LittleBearPad · 21/12/2020 10:49

I know you say that out of the 30 households you know, only two are sticking to the rules. That's because we tend to be friends with people who have the same outlook as us. All of my my friends are sticking to the rules because we're not selfish arseholes

There’s a lot of truth in this.

Scarlettpixie · 21/12/2020 10:51

I wish this was a wind up but I fear it isn’t.

You and your mum can’t be in a support bubble as neither of you live in single adult households.

I am no fan of Boris and the Tories. However, I don’t think they would have changed the law around Christmas, introduced tier 4 and closed non essential shops in London for the week before Christmas if it were not absolutely necessary. If you think they are incompetent that’s fair comment and I ageee but it makes me (and lots of others) want to do more ourselves to stop this virus not less!

Can you not see that some things like work have to be allowed whereas getting pissed with your mates doesn’t? Can you not see that any reduction in mixing has to help reduce transmission?

How long am I prepared to follow the rules for? As long as it takes. Your attitude stinks and people like you are a big part of the problem.

Stop mixing OP. Please.

Swipe left for the next trending thread