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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Should I spend NY with my mum?

178 replies

RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:25

My mum is 56 YO, doesnt have a partner (her own choice) so is on her own. My sister lives with my mum (25 YO) but she said she might be going over to her partners brothers house for NY.

My friend has invited me, DH and our kids to hers for NY. This leaves my mum on her own. My mum says "shes not bothered about new year anyway and there isnt anywhere to go". So I told my mum last night I might be going to a friends however I might be taking DC's with me or if they dont want to come would she mind having DC's? and her response was "great so your leaving me on my own for New Years? I thought NY was supposed to be a family time?". I was asked her "Why are you making me feel guilty like this?" and she replied "no, im not making you feel guilty, I am just pointing it out... you should put your children first and just come round to mine and celebrate that way". I didnt answer her. I've just thought its never bothered her any other year as shes always had small plans with her x-partner (that is another thread in itself he wasn't really a parter - he was just a friend but she wont let him go after over 10 years - yes 10 - of not being in a relationship together. I know, its not healthy at all and I've really really tried to help her).

So yes..... how do I deal with this?

OP posts:
Aprilx · 21/12/2020 09:49

@RoyalBlue201

I do care about the rules, I see my mum and sister (one house hold), my DH’s parents (house hold two), I work in a professional office once a week where there are around 3 people in the room, and I’m going to see my friends on NY (a house hold of 4).
If you cared about the rules, you would not be asking questions about in which way you should flout the rules. You are selfish and it is people like you that have brought us to where we are now.
LittleBearPad · 21/12/2020 09:49

What tier are you in?

ineedaholidaynow · 21/12/2020 09:50

If everyone in your circle is not sticking to the rules, maybe it is time to find some new friends.

How is she in your support bubble?

Womencanlift · 21/12/2020 09:50

Ah yes I missed the fact that her mum isn’t on her own. You are even more unreasonable then OP

Original poster
RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:50

My grammar/spelling is poor right now (writing from my phone). Sorry about that ! As I said, I’ve been seeing 2 other house holds, yet some people living in these house holds have been going to work? So the whole system is broken clearly - as shown by the statistics with people contracting the virus.

OP posts:
WeeDangerousSpike · 21/12/2020 09:51

If your sister lives with your mum and DH lives with you neither of you are single adult households so you nor she can have a bloody support bubble.

People like you are the reason I've hardly left my house since march. I was told to shield and when the shielding was paused every fucker was doing whatever they felt like and ignoring the rules. So utterly selfish. Think about someone else for a change instead of worrying about what fucking party to go to!!

heydoggee · 21/12/2020 09:51

@RoyalBlue201

My grammar/spelling is poor right now (writing from my phone). Sorry about that ! As I said, I’ve been seeing 2 other house holds, yet some people living in these house holds have been going to work? So the whole system is broken clearly - as shown by the statistics with people contracting the virus.
You shouldn't have been seeing those two households
WeeDangerousSpike · 21/12/2020 09:52

The system is broken because people like you are fucking breaking it!! Stop!!!

heydoggee · 21/12/2020 09:52

You've broken the rules consistently by the sounds of it, so carry on as usual I guess.

Maybe read up on epidemiology a little in your spare time.

Peanutbutterblood · 21/12/2020 09:53

For fucks sake stay at home. Please people, dont try and make a big deal of new year this year. Just stay at home

TheHalloweenFairy · 21/12/2020 09:53

No OP. Three separate households? (Mum+sister, DH parents, your friends) that’s not within the rules. But you’ve said it yourself right there in block capitals that you WILL NOT be sticking to the rules, so why make a thread about it? You’re not going to get validation for it. It’s actually pretty selfish. Stop blaming the government and take some responsibility for your actions.

Dizzy1234 · 21/12/2020 09:53

& this is why the infection numbers keep rising, people just won't stick to the rules.
Change the rules to suit your own circumstances and keep the chances of infection rising.
Really clever OP, your problem isn't your DM it's your lack of responsibility and awareness, stay in, you're not allowed to mix

Seeline · 21/12/2020 09:53

@RoyalBlue201

My grammar/spelling is poor right now (writing from my phone). Sorry about that ! As I said, I’ve been seeing 2 other house holds, yet some people living in these house holds have been going to work? So the whole system is broken clearly - as shown by the statistics with people contracting the virus.
YOu've helped break the system by not sticking to the rules. THanks very much!
RainMoon · 21/12/2020 09:54

@RoyalBlue201

The government have made an absolute mess of all this, teachers can look after around 30 children yet they can’t socialise. I WAS sticking to the rules, but after this mess around with Christmas I will most certainly WILL NOT be sticking to the rules. I think a lot of people will be breaking the rules over Christmas in all honesty.
You are fucking delightful. Here people are dying due to lack of care, there isn’t the ward staff to look after the amount of people who you’ll help kill as you mix between many households. Seriously, walk through my hospital and you’d seal yourself up in your house.
RedskyAtnight · 21/12/2020 09:54

Well as others have said, you shouldn't be doing any of this mixing anyway. Unless you're in Tier 1, the only people you should be seeing are your own household. Your mum can't be your support bubble as neither of you are single adult households (she lives with your sister, you mention a DH).

But, answering as if this was any other year, I don't think you should feel guilted into going to see your mother. I don't see New Year as particularly a time for family - more a time for friends and parties.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2020 09:55

@RoyalBlue201

I will get flamed for this, but I only know 2 house holds (out of around 30+) sticking to these rules. We were allowed to socialize for "5 days" over the pandemic yet now we can socialize for "1 day". No one is taking the government seriously anymore they've messed everyone around for too long.
It Gone From Five Days To One Because They Realised It Was Worse Than They Thought.
Original poster
RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:55

Okay. So how long is everyone on here prepared to not see family/friends/elderly grandparents for? Because this could go on for a very long time.

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 21/12/2020 09:56

Thats a lot of loved ones you're mixing with there.

The foot stamping and "Well they have messed it up anyway so I'm going to be a super special person and not follow the rules" is petty, childish and ridiculous.

Every one of the people you see could get coronavirus because of your irresponsible behaviour. Presumably they are all being equally as irresponsible too so that is hundreds, if not thousands of people potentially exposed because you feel important.

The government may have fucked this up, but that doesn't mean that idiots like you need to keep on making it worse for everyone else.

Aprilx · 21/12/2020 09:56

@RoyalBlue201

My grammar/spelling is poor right now (writing from my phone). Sorry about that ! As I said, I’ve been seeing 2 other house holds, yet some people living in these house holds have been going to work? So the whole system is broken clearly - as shown by the statistics with people contracting the virus.
Have you not read anything about this for the last nine months?

People are allowed to go to work, because the entire country would collapse if nobody went to work. Restrictions are on social gatherings.

sauceyorange · 21/12/2020 09:57

I'm 30 weeks pregnant. My husband works in intensive care. Every day he goes to work he puts himself and by extension his family at risk. It's people like you directly causing this risk to him and us, and everyone else working in roles where exposure is unavoidable.

For fucks sake grow up

PinkFlamingo888 · 21/12/2020 09:57

Seeing 2 other households is breaking the rules!
You’re a moron. Stay at home and be grateful you have a family to spend the time with.
The teachers being able to look after 30 children excuse is getting boring. Children NEED an education. You do not need to get drunk with friends. My job means I’m in and out of strangers homes all day, everyday. I’m still sticking to the rules. Do I like them? No but the sooner people just do as their told the sooner we may have some normality!

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2020 09:58

@RoyalBlue201

My grammar/spelling is poor right now (writing from my phone). Sorry about that ! As I said, I’ve been seeing 2 other house holds, yet some people living in these house holds have been going to work? So the whole system is broken clearly - as shown by the statistics with people contracting the virus.
Because you broke it. You aren't meant to be seeing two households
Amira19 · 21/12/2020 09:58

So you're sister lives with youre mother who wants to socialise with mutilple households, you want to socialise with youre friends again who have dc who's have been in contact with kids at school and friends who have been socialising with mutilple households, youre dh has been socialising with his dp, so mutilple households again and who have the likely been socialising with others and then you also socialise with youre mother is it any wonder why its spreading so fast if mutilple people keep on doing this.

Original poster
RoyalBlue201 · 21/12/2020 09:58

I have been seeing family etc , we have all been very careful with this, not one of us (family or friends) have contracted the virus.

OP posts:
scammedmum29 · 21/12/2020 09:58

The vaccine is being rolled out, hopefully the Oxford one will be approved soon and we will start to see more normality in the coming months.

But if you want to be selfish whilst the rest of the nation make sacrifices then crack on. Absolutely sick of attitudes like yours and people not realising the impact their own actions have.