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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let DD have her advent chocolate

270 replies

Beekeeper31 · 20/12/2020 21:40

DD is 9 and is a lovely well-behaved child and we get on really well, apart from one issue, is that she is obsessed with chocolate, sweets, basically anything with sugar, to the point where if she doesn’t have a sweet treat every day she gets upset.

The back story is that DH also has a sweet tooth and indulges her. Ever since she was 3-4 he would take her out for special treats that involve cake or buying sweets. MIL is also similar. Maybe I'm biased as I don't really enjoy sugar, more of a savoury person.

Anyway, yesterday was her birthday, I made her a chocolate cake, consequently she forgot to eat her chocolate from her advent calendar. This evening she asked if she can have both yesterdays and todays, I said no, just have one as she had already had a hot chocolate this afternoon. This led her to having a massive tantrum, crying and screaming, I sent her to her room and said no chocolate at all then and took her advent calendar and put it away. DH then went to her room to talk to her, came back downstairs and basically said I was being unfair and should just let her have one. I said that’s not a good idea as she needs to learn she can’t keep crying over not getting sweets, highlighting there was a bigger problem that needs addressing.

DH ignored me and took the chocolate from the advent calendar and gave it to her. I’m fuming, mainly because of DH not backing me up. So was I being unreasonable saying no?

OP posts:
SinisterBumFacedCat · 21/12/2020 00:17

YABSFU!!!!

Glitteryone · 21/12/2020 00:30

Yabvvvvvvvvvvvu

Sweettea1 · 21/12/2020 00:46

On no my dd missed 3 days worth an had them all today also a hot choc bomb thing. Its a treat stop stressing so much has your husband developed any medical issues with his sweet tooth?

timeforanewstart · 21/12/2020 01:21

My 15 and 17 year old ate all theres in 2 days of it makes you feel any better ( i told my mum too old for them now )

WhereAreMyPants · 21/12/2020 01:46

Ridiculous. Advent calendar chocolates are tiny!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/12/2020 01:48

If I was your husband I wouldn’t have backed you up either. I’d be looking up divorce lawyers.

Patienceisvirtuous · 21/12/2020 01:55

Grinch

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 21/12/2020 02:09

I get where you're coming from but I feel like an advent calendar is a commitment to give a piece of chocolate a day - two on the days where you forget one.

Your DH should have backed you up though.

But, the new year could be a great time to talk about healthy eating habits and sugar. So I'd just tune it out for now and wait for January,

1forAll74 · 21/12/2020 02:35

I would just let this go, but I would have told a child at this age,that the screaming shouting and tantrums are not what you wan't her to do, when she can't have something.

Topseyt · 21/12/2020 02:56

I can't see why you made such an issue here. Those chocolates are so small.

I'm with your DH. I wouldn't have backed you up here either and would have done exactly what he did.

I always told my DH that I would back him up if he was being reasonable, but if he wasn't then I wouldn't. I'd expect the same from him.

RiverMeadow · 21/12/2020 06:26

@covidcarol
Well I hope they don't have a hot chocolate on the same day!!

She doesn't like hot chocolate!! She's weird right??! But if she did she could have one every single day and I wouldn't bat and eyelid WinkGrin

Yoshinori · 21/12/2020 06:31

Ahhh yes encouraging an unhealthy relationship with food. What we love to see 😍

LuaDipa · 21/12/2020 06:56

Under normal circumstances I would say that your dh should back you in front of dd and speak to you privately if he disagrees, but in this case I think it is hugely important that dd understands that your behaviour and reactions are unacceptable. You are making a huge issue out of nothing. I keep treats in for the kids always. Some days they eat them, some they don’t. I don’t particularly care or notice as they don’t have to ask, they help themselves. This means they can take it or leave it because they know it’s always there.

I think it is perfectly obvious that you have already created a huge issue with your dd. Her reaction to being denied chocolate is unusual and to be honest I think it is a result of your own issues and response to her eating treats. As pp’s have said, it is very unusual for dd to have to ask if she can eat from her own Advent Calendar. I think you need to look at yourself and try to understand why you need to control things to this level. My ds often forgets to eat his calendar and tends to have four or five at once. He’s a teenager and probably a bit old for it but we’ve always bought one so still do. I can’t imagine being bothered by this to any degree. It is his calendar, why should I dictate how he eats it?

I can see you have received lots of similar comments and I really hope that you take them on board. You are creating major issues for your poor dd for no reason whatsoever. Please look at yourself and try to let go of the reins a bit.

FudgeSundae · 21/12/2020 06:58

To me an advent calendar is a promise of daily chocolate. I would also be annoyed if that was randomly denied one day and I’m 30, not 9! YABU.

MissEllaWater · 21/12/2020 07:18

Great way to store up eating disorders for the future, OP.

YABVVVU, needless to say.

Fbtw · 21/12/2020 07:26

Yeah that’s a bit weird from you.

You’re really controlling. She’s not a baby any more.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/12/2020 07:29

YABVU. Being so controlling will
probably cause her to eat sweet things in secret as she gets older and has access to money and shops without you around. I'm sure you don't want her to have an eating disorder or keep secrets, you need to change now to keep her safe.

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2020 07:31

Op if this isn’t food issues with uou then it’s an extreme controlling/petty/punitive thing. Whatever it is something is wrong.

Because the way your post is written, the way your daughter reacted, it’s like resource guarding you see in dogs. Getting a small chocolate has become so very major to her. And that’s likely because it’s been scarce and so heavily denied it’s become a major issue

No one tells a child they can’t have a small advent chocolate because they had a hot chocolate the same day. No one says “they aren’t tiny they are ten grams” without having major food issues. No one even knows how much an advent Choc weighs.

But you did.

Whattimeisdinner · 21/12/2020 07:32

SeraphinaAbkalsgu
Hiya lovely, don’t let her eat calendar chocolate because my sister was like that as a child and now she’s a fat xxx

Better than being t#a$.

TwilightSkies · 21/12/2020 07:33

You have food issues, possibly control issues too. Unclench!!!

Ladybird345 · 21/12/2020 07:37

Haven't read the full thread but wow I am shocked. I've got a feeling you being as controlling as you are (because you are a savoury person so don't understand people liking sweet things) is going to backfire when she is older as you'll find she will spend lunch money/pocket money on sweets and indulge in secret.
It was too tiny chocolates and she only had a hot chocolate, I genuinely don't see the issue at all 🙄

JillofTrades · 21/12/2020 07:44

Yabvu and so ridiculous. Glad your dh saw sense. Can't believe you made such a big deal over a tiny issue.

Lumene · 21/12/2020 07:46

You set the expectation of a small chocolate a day with the calendar. The tantrum is about then taking that away unexpectedly and without prior warning. YABU.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2020 07:48

Haven’t RTFT but I have read all of OP’s posts.

YABU! On certain things, I will back DH up even if I disagree. He will do the same for me. However, if he took away my DD’s advent chocolate, I would not back him up at all.

My guess is that your DD kicked off when you said no because you’re too controlling around sweets and chocolate. I would have too.

My mum controlled my intake of sweets and crisps (not to your extreme) and now I find it really hard to regulate myself. I’m not obese but I could certainly be slimmer.

JillofTrades · 21/12/2020 07:49

Exactly as pp said about giving her an eating disorder. My ds eats a treat every single day. A very small something but a treat nevertheless. While this may horrify some, he is also the child when faced with a crap load a of junk at a party he will just pick one or two small things. You are really going the wrong way around tackling her sweet tooth.