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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let DD have her advent chocolate

270 replies

Beekeeper31 · 20/12/2020 21:40

DD is 9 and is a lovely well-behaved child and we get on really well, apart from one issue, is that she is obsessed with chocolate, sweets, basically anything with sugar, to the point where if she doesn’t have a sweet treat every day she gets upset.

The back story is that DH also has a sweet tooth and indulges her. Ever since she was 3-4 he would take her out for special treats that involve cake or buying sweets. MIL is also similar. Maybe I'm biased as I don't really enjoy sugar, more of a savoury person.

Anyway, yesterday was her birthday, I made her a chocolate cake, consequently she forgot to eat her chocolate from her advent calendar. This evening she asked if she can have both yesterdays and todays, I said no, just have one as she had already had a hot chocolate this afternoon. This led her to having a massive tantrum, crying and screaming, I sent her to her room and said no chocolate at all then and took her advent calendar and put it away. DH then went to her room to talk to her, came back downstairs and basically said I was being unfair and should just let her have one. I said that’s not a good idea as she needs to learn she can’t keep crying over not getting sweets, highlighting there was a bigger problem that needs addressing.

DH ignored me and took the chocolate from the advent calendar and gave it to her. I’m fuming, mainly because of DH not backing me up. So was I being unreasonable saying no?

OP posts:
RedRec · 20/12/2020 23:07

Yes you were unreasonable. And are in danger of turning sweet food into a massive issue in your daughter's life.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 20/12/2020 23:08

@Beekeeper31

Sorry if this wasn't clear -she does want sweets everyday. She was upset because one day there weren't any in the house for me to give her. Not because I said no-I think it is a long term issue -not to be addressed over Christmas obviously.
OP, be honest with yourself. If you continue this way do you think she'll really learn to self regulate, stop using chocolate as a treat/pick me up etc? Or do you think she's going to binge on everything and anything as soon as she'll be able to?
akerman · 20/12/2020 23:08

Poor girl. Those chocolates are tiny. YABVU.

Original poster
Beekeeper31 · 20/12/2020 23:09

Yes, it's definitely comfort eating -which I think triggered the melt down.

OP posts:
howmanyroads · 20/12/2020 23:12

Why are you ignoring all the comments asking if you have issues with food yourself? Or are you in complete denial?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/12/2020 23:14

Have you figured out yet that it’s hormones? And she’s in that stage where she will be having mood swings? Have you also stopped to think that she’s going through significant changes and your fixation on sweets is going to set her up for failure?

CovidCarol · 20/12/2020 23:16

@howmanyroads

Why are you ignoring all the comments asking if you have issues with food yourself? Or are you in complete denial?
Hmm I thought the same. Wind up?
HmmSureJan · 20/12/2020 23:16

I'm sorry but I think your stance on this could end up being really damaging. Two tiny advent chocolates aren't going to hurt her and it must feel very unfair and silly to her.

spaceghetto · 20/12/2020 23:17

My mum was very strict about sugar intake when I was younger. I was very aware of foods making me fat and being unhealthy from a young age. I'm not sure if they're related but I have struggled with food for most of my life. I'm trying hard to make sure I don't pass this on to my children. Sorry if you're going through this.

Tavannach · 20/12/2020 23:18

She's telling you there is a problem and chocolate is the fix. You are just trying to remove the chocolate,but what are you doing to actually solve the problem/give her other tools to cope?

Music isn't the answer here. Something's bothering her and you need to address it. It sounds like you are too controlling. Start by asking your DH how he thinks you could improve your parenting of your daughter and actually listen to what he says.

Original poster
Beekeeper31 · 20/12/2020 23:22

I don't have food issues. I'm a healthy weight, exercise, eat well, I've never been on a diet. I do eat crisps, biscuits etc. . It could be hormones -good point.

OP posts:
SeraphinaAbkalsgu · 20/12/2020 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CovidCarol · 20/12/2020 23:24

🤣

FortunesFave · 20/12/2020 23:24

Hiya lovely

Hmm wtf Seraphina?

WeAllHaveWings · 20/12/2020 23:24

9 years old? That is a great Christmas memory you've given her there, the year mummy was so mean she stole the advent calendar from 9 yr old and made her cry because she wanted a teenie tiny bit of Christmas chocolate.

certainly not one she'll forget in a hurry.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 20/12/2020 23:33

The chocolates you get in advent calendars are tiny.

You can't force her to have a savoury tooth like you.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 20/12/2020 23:35

@SeraphinaAbkalsgu

When I was a child, I occasionally forget to have my advent chocolate and my parents would let me have two the next day. I am a slender size 10. There is no correlation there whatsoever.

gingerbiscuits · 20/12/2020 23:41

Wow. You need to pick your parenting battles - tiny Advent Calendar chocolates at Christmas time is NOT one of them!

partyatthepalace · 20/12/2020 23:47

yAbu because they are tiny

But DH should have your back and support your decision in front of your daughter, apart from anything else if she can divide you it will make her feel insecure.

I think post Christmas you should sit down to discuss with him - it sounds like how your daughter eats is dividing you and is best discussed openly.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/12/2020 23:59

There is no correlation between daily sweets and weight at all. I actively lost weight (gained by eating crap food while traveling for work over a period of years) and still had a daily sweet.

The OP is being ridiculous about this.

grassisjeweled · 20/12/2020 23:59

Has she been tested for diabetes?

Ploughingthrough · 21/12/2020 00:05

seems like an overreaction. My kids eat their advent calendar chocolate before breakfast (!), if they had missed one I would definitely not care if they ate two on one day. I have great memories over the advent calendar chocolates, it was a lot of fun and excitement and I don't have any long lasting weight or behaviour issues from too much of it over the xmas period!
I would say you need to pick your battles, this one wasn't worth it. If you make massive deals over tiny things like this your teenage years are going to be excruciating.

Heathcliff27 · 21/12/2020 00:05

I've been working loads lately and ended up eating 5 days worth of mine today Blush

Progress2019 · 21/12/2020 00:07

@PurpleBag - Me too. I’m exactly the same.

Limit a childs sweets/chocolate intake to this kind of mental level, then the second she has access to her own money she’ll be running off to Co-op faster than you can say ‘Twix’

middleager · 21/12/2020 00:14

YABU. It was mean.