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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let DD have her advent chocolate

270 replies

Beekeeper31 · 20/12/2020 21:40

DD is 9 and is a lovely well-behaved child and we get on really well, apart from one issue, is that she is obsessed with chocolate, sweets, basically anything with sugar, to the point where if she doesn’t have a sweet treat every day she gets upset.

The back story is that DH also has a sweet tooth and indulges her. Ever since she was 3-4 he would take her out for special treats that involve cake or buying sweets. MIL is also similar. Maybe I'm biased as I don't really enjoy sugar, more of a savoury person.

Anyway, yesterday was her birthday, I made her a chocolate cake, consequently she forgot to eat her chocolate from her advent calendar. This evening she asked if she can have both yesterdays and todays, I said no, just have one as she had already had a hot chocolate this afternoon. This led her to having a massive tantrum, crying and screaming, I sent her to her room and said no chocolate at all then and took her advent calendar and put it away. DH then went to her room to talk to her, came back downstairs and basically said I was being unfair and should just let her have one. I said that’s not a good idea as she needs to learn she can’t keep crying over not getting sweets, highlighting there was a bigger problem that needs addressing.

DH ignored me and took the chocolate from the advent calendar and gave it to her. I’m fuming, mainly because of DH not backing me up. So was I being unreasonable saying no?

OP posts:

tootesuite · 22/12/2020 03:09

If I was your husband I wouldn’t have backed you up either. I’d be looking up divorce lawyers

This is nasty and unfair. OP is worried about her dd, vilifying her here doesn't help. DD got a choc cake, she's hardly doing without.

tootesuite · 22/12/2020 03:12

I think the problem here is the DH. He is allowing DD too many sweets, so OP feels she needs to compensate by curtailing intake.

The UK has a massive sugar addiction and the dad is doing his dd no favours.

SD1978 · 22/12/2020 03:24

DH not backing you- reasonable to be annoyed. Saying no to a tiny arse piece of chocolate, not the battle I'd have had to be honest.

jessstan1 · 22/12/2020 03:29

Chocolates in Advent calendars are very small, it won't hurt for her to have a double lot once in a year. Next year don't buy her one with chocolate in! She will get over her choc obsession eventually but a good idea is to have less of it in the house.

Sinful8 · 22/12/2020 03:59

I think yabu she had been given a calender with 1 sweet per day but on one day she had a big cake and so self regulated her intake.

You then punished her for this. That's gotta be confusing

charlieclown · 22/12/2020 04:20

I'm interested in you saying "we get on really well" about your daughter. She is not your friend, she is your child. I'm wondering if you have got the relationship balance right.

Re the chocolate - you should have got ahead of that if it was bedtime. How come she forgot all day? Doesn't ring true for someone "obsesssed”

yummychoccy · 22/12/2020 07:17

Your approach of limiting the amount of choc etc she eats is contributing to her focus on it. When you withhold and overly control, you put her into a "famine" mindset. Just like toilet rolls at the beginning of lockdown. People were worried they weren't going to be able to buy any and went into panic buying more! WhereS in normal times people just buy toilet rolls when they need them.

The best approach is to offer your daughter sweet things on a regular basis, and allow her to learn how to moderate her own intake herself a bit. So for example have some opportunities where she can have as much cake as she wants during a meal, and give her some chocolates as part of meals and snack times in a regular basis - not dependent on eating anything else. Never withhold sweet things due to behaviour or eating savoury things first as this puts them on a pedestal and makes the situation worse.

You can read more about these best practice approaches on paediatric dietician pages on Instagram eg Kids Eat In Color, and Family Snack Nutritionist

redfernsydney · 22/12/2020 07:22

op yes it wax unreasonable. .but I am in a similar situation. ,DH actually encourages my DD 11 to eat sweets. .He loves them and as she is slim he cannot see a problem. .its very frustrating

AccidentallyOnSanta · 22/12/2020 09:21

@tootesuite

If I was your husband I wouldn’t have backed you up either. I’d be looking up divorce lawyers

This is nasty and unfair. OP is worried about her dd, vilifying her here doesn't help. DD got a choc cake, she's hardly doing without.

On her birthday. I mean if you can't have cake on your birthday,chocolate or not, when can you?

It's not some generous and benevolent gesture from OP, it's a basic celebrating a birthday thing.

tootesuite · 22/12/2020 09:26

Did I say it was a generous gesture?! No one said she shouldn't have cake.

Yet another woman making up for a Disney dad and vilified for it.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 22/12/2020 09:30

@tootesuite

Did I say it was a generous gesture?! No one said she shouldn't have cake.

Yet another woman making up for a Disney dad and vilified for it.

Disney dad for giving her one advent choc and taking her out once in a while for a treat?

Nowaynothappening · 22/12/2020 09:31

You pick your battles with children and this really doesn’t sound like one worth fighting. Advent calendar chocolates are minuscule.

VinylDetective · 22/12/2020 10:21

@redfernsydney

op yes it wax unreasonable. .but I am in a similar situation. ,DH actually encourages my DD 11 to eat sweets. .He loves them and as she is slim he cannot see a problem. .its very frustrating

Why is it frustrating if she’s a normal weight? The only place there’s a problem is in your head, her dad’s saving her from decades of issues with food.

mollypuss1 · 22/12/2020 10:45

@tootesuite

If I was your husband I wouldn’t have backed you up either. I’d be looking up divorce lawyers

This is nasty and unfair. OP is worried about her dd, vilifying her here doesn't help. DD got a choc cake, she's hardly doing without.

She had chocolate cake the day before, not on the day she asked for two advent chocolates....

CovidCarol · 22/12/2020 12:20

Yet another woman making up for a Disney dad and vilified for it.

Disney Dad 🤣

Brefugee · 22/12/2020 12:26

There's nothing wrong with having a sweet tooth as long as you look after your teeth and generally eat healthily.

It's Christmas - she's old enough to understand that an advent calendar is a special, once a year thing.

redfernsydney · 22/12/2020 15:37

@VinylDetective
I am frustrated because my DH encourages it ....he eats an incredible amount of sweets and encourages it in our dd

StillCoughingandLaughing · 22/12/2020 18:29

Yet another woman making up for a Disney dad and vilified for it.

It’s a fucking chocolate dear.

Actupfishy · 22/12/2020 20:02

All these people claiming ‘emotional abuse’ need to seriously give their head a wobble!

Rosebel · 22/12/2020 20:38

She would have had to have two lots of advent chocolate one day so does it matter what day?
Your husband should have backed you up as you'd already said no but you should have just let her have the chocolate. It is nearly Christmas after all.

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