Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Original poster

to not let DD have her advent chocolate

270 replies

Beekeeper31 · 20/12/2020 21:40

DD is 9 and is a lovely well-behaved child and we get on really well, apart from one issue, is that she is obsessed with chocolate, sweets, basically anything with sugar, to the point where if she doesn’t have a sweet treat every day she gets upset.

The back story is that DH also has a sweet tooth and indulges her. Ever since she was 3-4 he would take her out for special treats that involve cake or buying sweets. MIL is also similar. Maybe I'm biased as I don't really enjoy sugar, more of a savoury person.

Anyway, yesterday was her birthday, I made her a chocolate cake, consequently she forgot to eat her chocolate from her advent calendar. This evening she asked if she can have both yesterdays and todays, I said no, just have one as she had already had a hot chocolate this afternoon. This led her to having a massive tantrum, crying and screaming, I sent her to her room and said no chocolate at all then and took her advent calendar and put it away. DH then went to her room to talk to her, came back downstairs and basically said I was being unfair and should just let her have one. I said that’s not a good idea as she needs to learn she can’t keep crying over not getting sweets, highlighting there was a bigger problem that needs addressing.

DH ignored me and took the chocolate from the advent calendar and gave it to her. I’m fuming, mainly because of DH not backing me up. So was I being unreasonable saying no?

OP posts:

Hopeisnotastrategy · 20/12/2020 21:50

I think the whole point of an advent calendar is it is timely. It's all about when you eat it. You will no doubt have explained that when you gave it to her, and now you're telling her she can't do it. Also they are tiny.

I am not one who gives in to tantrums, but I think you are over stressing this one. In the nicest possible way, choose your battles.x

malmi · 20/12/2020 21:50

Pick your battles. The only good thing about forgetting your advent calendar chocolate one day is a double helping the next day. Cruel to deny her it.

Thatwentbadly · 20/12/2020 21:50

Yabu.

Bridecilla · 20/12/2020 21:52

Ds has mainlined chocolate today. His advent calendar, mine, a hot choc with a stick of twirl melted in and some Hotel Chocolate penguins.

He's brushed his teeth twice and has played a footy match, rode his bike for about an hour.. he ate 4 different veggies with his dinner. And it's Christmas!

I'd say lighten up a bit

Herja · 20/12/2020 21:52

I think you are being massively over the top. Like, if I heard someone saying that is in real life, I would think they were taking the piss. An advent calendar chocolate is tiny. You seriously think a hot chocolate earlier means 2 advent chocolates (what, about one chocolate bar square?) in one day is too much? You are going to have some mental food related issues on your hands as you lose controlled of her food intake in the next few years.

Your husband shouldn't have gone against the decision (united front is important!), but your decision in the first place was just stupid.

For what it's worth, that her having a slice of cake yesterday meant she forgot her calander suggests she is far from the sugar demon you're suggesting. Chill. A lot.

hobbyiscodefordogging · 20/12/2020 21:52

YABVU, way over the top and I wouldn't have backed up my spouse over such a weird decision either.

NowellSingWe · 20/12/2020 21:52

I think you're right because otherwise you're rewarding the tantrum.

Starseeking · 20/12/2020 21:52

She would have eaten it yesterday anyway.

To deny her catching up today sounds like you are projecting your issues with sweet things on to her.

YABVU.

NataliaOsipova · 20/12/2020 21:52

Oh - they’re tiny! Not worth making an issue.

slipperywhensparticus · 20/12/2020 21:53

Your husband is a massive twat and you have left it rather late to tackle this however its not too late remind her daily to have her chocolate then brush her teeth tell your husband he is potentially setting her up for a lifetime of obesity and health issues if he keeps on with this shit no more daily treats after December he needs to be on board with this and if she tantrums for it she gets nothing

Will you still be giving into her when she tantrums at 13/15/21? Its way less appealing gor an adult to tantrum

Nottherealslimshady · 20/12/2020 21:53

The advent calendar was the wrong thing to tackle the sugar intake over. The point is that you have today's door, if you miss one then you do have two the next day, it's the rules. It's a tiny amount of chocolate.

Also, chocolate cake on her birthday and a hot chocolate doesn't sound that bad. If that's all the sweet stuff she's having then YABU if she's also had a load of other stuff then it's that you need to tackle.

Mycircusmymonkey · 20/12/2020 21:53

I think you chose the wrong moment to address a bigger concern. Advent calendar chocolates are tiny and if you were so concerned about her having advent calendar chocolate you shouldn’t have given her the hot chocolate.
Christmas is not a great time to address this but the new year would be a good time to have stern words with your DH and to be on the same page.

Christmashottubintheshed · 20/12/2020 21:53

Stop restricting food like this, it will cause massive problems for her later.

ExpectingToFly · 20/12/2020 21:54

YABU

AngelonTopoftheTree · 20/12/2020 21:54

You should have let her have the two pieces. I know how you feel re your DH crossing you, however I think you were a bit too strict.

Seventytwo · 20/12/2020 21:55

YABU, yes. Pick your battles! However, your husband undermining you isn’t ideal. Talk to him about backing you up and try to agree on an approach to sweet “treats” that you’re both happy with, then sit down with DD together and suggest a reasonable limit (e.g. chocolate/sweets twice a week after Christmas).

FWIW I was exactly the same as a kid - obsessed with sugar - but I’m a healthy size 8 with no fillings now Having a sweet tooth won’t do her any massive harm unless she’s really overweight or something, but seeing her mum lose her shit over a tiny bit of chocolate certainly won’t help her.
for you though - it’s a stressful time of year.

Starseeking · 20/12/2020 21:56

When were you expecting her to catch up on the calendar if not today, or were you expecting her to forgo yesterday's chocolate entirely because she missed the actual day?

I'm changing my verdict of 5 minutes ago, YABVVVU.

PurpleBag · 20/12/2020 21:56

See my mum used do this kind of thing when I was a young. We weren't allowed sweets at all (except maybe special occasions) and if we were caught with any, she would freak out and take them off us and bin them.

What happened was, as soon as I became independent, I bought and ate all the sweets I wanted. Now I'm massively overweight and still can't help it.
Don't make a big issue out of food or it will cause food issues in the future, everything moderation I say.

PurpleBag · 20/12/2020 21:57

Meant to add, I also wouldn't be happy about DH undermining me though.

howmanyroads · 20/12/2020 21:57

Massively unreasonable. Keep making a big deal out of sugar though if you'd like her to develop an eating disorder!

willieversleep · 20/12/2020 22:00

I agree - a mountain out of a molehill. I also wonder if you would back your dh up if he overreacted to something? Usually I'm on the dong undermine the other patent wagon but in this case I don't know if I would have backed you up

BrumBoo · 20/12/2020 22:00

It was an Advent Calendar chocolate. You can eat the entire thing and it would barely count as one regular bar. Are you trying to give her food issues? If she has an otherwise healthy diet, one chocolate or sweet a day won't bloody hurt.

willieversleep · 20/12/2020 22:00

*don't undermine the other parent

Thehawki · 20/12/2020 22:02

I understand you don't want her having constant sweeties but it's Christmas and a teeny chocolate extra will not kill her. Controlling her this much will do her no good later in life, how do you expect her to self regulate when you have only ever taught her that it's up to you? She might not find her limit until her teens when she goes all out because she wasn't allowed to have a teeny bit extra ever, or she could try to control her weight too much because you've taught her to do just that.

I would not have backed you up on this at all I do not blame your husband, his attitude is healthier than yours towards food in this instance. I don't think the message would've got through had he not done this either.

Lazypuppy · 20/12/2020 22:02

YABU, so in your world when does she get to eat the one she missedif she is only allowed 1 a day?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11