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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not let DD have her advent chocolate

270 replies

Beekeeper31 · 20/12/2020 21:40

DD is 9 and is a lovely well-behaved child and we get on really well, apart from one issue, is that she is obsessed with chocolate, sweets, basically anything with sugar, to the point where if she doesn’t have a sweet treat every day she gets upset.

The back story is that DH also has a sweet tooth and indulges her. Ever since she was 3-4 he would take her out for special treats that involve cake or buying sweets. MIL is also similar. Maybe I'm biased as I don't really enjoy sugar, more of a savoury person.

Anyway, yesterday was her birthday, I made her a chocolate cake, consequently she forgot to eat her chocolate from her advent calendar. This evening she asked if she can have both yesterdays and todays, I said no, just have one as she had already had a hot chocolate this afternoon. This led her to having a massive tantrum, crying and screaming, I sent her to her room and said no chocolate at all then and took her advent calendar and put it away. DH then went to her room to talk to her, came back downstairs and basically said I was being unfair and should just let her have one. I said that’s not a good idea as she needs to learn she can’t keep crying over not getting sweets, highlighting there was a bigger problem that needs addressing.

DH ignored me and took the chocolate from the advent calendar and gave it to her. I’m fuming, mainly because of DH not backing me up. So was I being unreasonable saying no?

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 20/12/2020 22:49

I think you were being quite unreasonable and not very nice to your dd. It was her birthday yesterday? It's nearly Christmas and you're refusing to allow her to have yesterdays choc and todays - why? Also why does the poor child feel that she has to ask if she can have a chocolate from her own advent calendar?

Viviennemary · 20/12/2020 22:50

It wasn't worth a massive tantrum. A few days before Christmas isn't the right time to worry about too many sweets.

Regularsizedrudy · 20/12/2020 22:50

Oh my god it’s a bloody calendar chocolate get a grip and let the poor kid have her TINY chocolate

ClaireP20 · 20/12/2020 22:51

@slipperywhensparticus

Your husband is a massive twat and you have left it rather late to tackle this however its not too late remind her daily to have her chocolate then brush her teeth tell your husband he is potentially setting her up for a lifetime of obesity and health issues if he keeps on with this shit no more daily treats after December he needs to be on board with this and if she tantrums for it she gets nothing

Will you still be giving into her when she tantrums at 13/15/21? Its way less appealing gor an adult to tantrum

Oh ffs..no-one in the universe tantrums over not getting chocolate aged 21. A tantrum id a child's way of saying 'listen to me' because they can't articulate what they want to say. OP is being ridiculous l, and you also sound like the parent from hell.
RiverMeadow · 20/12/2020 22:51

Ffs what a massive overreaction!!

My DC is the same age and has a sweet everyday, sometimes even 2!! Shocking I know!!!

CovidCarol · 20/12/2020 22:51

I can't believe you've actually sat her down and spoken about not eating chocolate when she gets upset but to listen to music instead. Bloody hell, poor kid, why are you making it into such an issue?

Icenii · 20/12/2020 22:52

Wasn't it the child's birthday too!

Be glad your DH supports your DD when he feels you are being too controlling. It wasn't he didn't back you up, he was backing her up instead.

rach2713 · 20/12/2020 22:52

My youngest is 1 will be 2 in a few weeks she ate all her chocolate in the 1st couple of days I said she won't get another one and to be fair she hasnt cried when her siblings have there's everyday and she don't. I think you have been a bit to harsh not letting her have them as they are so small.

ClaireP20 · 20/12/2020 22:52

@Regularsizedrudy

Oh my god it’s a bloody calendar chocolate get a grip and let the poor kid have her TINY chocolate
I agree. Cruel OP...very cruel. Your poor daughter.
bellie710 · 20/12/2020 22:53

Jesus it is a bloody advent calender chocolate you were being a twat! I would have given it to her and told her to hide the bloody thing from you, get a grip!!

ClaireP20 · 20/12/2020 22:53

@CovidCarol

I can't believe you've actually sat her down and spoken about not eating chocolate when she gets upset but to listen to music instead. Bloody hell, poor kid, why are you making it into such an issue?
I know...this poor kid..I am imagining her Christmas..
CovidCarol · 20/12/2020 22:54

@RiverMeadow

Ffs what a massive overreaction!!

My DC is the same age and has a sweet everyday, sometimes even 2!! Shocking I know!!!

Well I hope they don't have a hot chocolate on the same day!!Wink

UsernameChat · 20/12/2020 22:54

"She never said he gives her sweet treats every day, unless you count the advent calendar."

Bluntness100 - sorry, I may have misinterpreted the OP's post. She said her DD gets upset if she doesn't have a sweet treat every day, and later said it's her DH who indulges DD. Whoever's buying the kid sweets every day, it's not exactly a great habit. However, as I said above, I disagree with the OP's approach to the advent calendar.

ClaireP20 · 20/12/2020 22:55

@Clymene

Why does she have to ask you? It's her advent calendar, she's 9.
Exactly ! WTF has it got to do with you, OP.

It's HER BLOODY CALENDAR. CF.

Beautiful3 · 20/12/2020 22:57

Yabu.

Original poster
Beekeeper31 · 20/12/2020 22:57

Sorry if this wasn't clear -she does want sweets everyday. She was upset because one day there weren't any in the house for me to give her. Not because I said no-I think it is a long term issue -not to be addressed over Christmas obviously.

OP posts:
DoTheNextRightThing · 20/12/2020 22:58

This is good point. We have talked about it and suggested listening to her favourite music when she gets upset. She has been really anxious recently and the sugar thing as started to escalate over the last few weeks.

@Beekeeper31 so she is comfort eating then. Chocolate aids the production of serotonin which is the "happiness hormone" and what antidepressants are used to boost/control. It also contains caffeine which perks you up. So eating chocolate does make you feel happy, especially if your serotonin is already low. It's a bad habit to get into, so I do think you need to find a better way for DD to deal with her emotions, but denying her an advent calendar chocolate isn't the way to do it.

OudRose · 20/12/2020 22:59

It's her calendar, she can do with it as she pleases!

What an odd way to treat a child. Whatever issues she has with food/ getting upset are being given to her by you.

Back off and sort out your relationship with food. Maybe let DH lead on this with your DD in future because you are going to give her serious, long-term issues.

Omeara · 20/12/2020 22:59

In the kindest possible way I think the issue is with you OP.

bellie710 · 20/12/2020 22:59

Is your child overweight?

Needhelpwithaquestion · 20/12/2020 23:04

Ok do you we’re unreasonable on advent

But broader point, you and your husband have to align on sugar. I actually think you are both wrong and making it a bigger thing than needed. My children have sugar everyday but as part of a balanced diet. No emotions attached to it. You are both attaching emotions, DH positive, you, negative. Neither is good

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 20/12/2020 23:04

Loads of perfectly healthy normal people will have a bar of chocolate or some biscuits or a cake every day. I think you're the one whose approach to food needs work, OP.

FlamedToACrisp · 20/12/2020 23:05

The way I see it, even if she left the choc until the next day, effectively you punished her for having cake on her birthday by not allowing her to have the chocolate as well, even though it was already hers, as that day had passed. You were unfair and your attitude will encourage her to see sweets as something to scoff as soon as possible.

TheCattleGrid · 20/12/2020 23:05

Her calendar. Her birthday. Her body. And you made it all about you.

CovidCarol · 20/12/2020 23:06

I think it is a long term issue -not to be addressed over Christmas obviously.

You're right OP, maybe you could get some help with your long term issue?

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