Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let DD have her advent chocolate

270 replies

Beekeeper31 · 20/12/2020 21:40

DD is 9 and is a lovely well-behaved child and we get on really well, apart from one issue, is that she is obsessed with chocolate, sweets, basically anything with sugar, to the point where if she doesn’t have a sweet treat every day she gets upset.

The back story is that DH also has a sweet tooth and indulges her. Ever since she was 3-4 he would take her out for special treats that involve cake or buying sweets. MIL is also similar. Maybe I'm biased as I don't really enjoy sugar, more of a savoury person.

Anyway, yesterday was her birthday, I made her a chocolate cake, consequently she forgot to eat her chocolate from her advent calendar. This evening she asked if she can have both yesterdays and todays, I said no, just have one as she had already had a hot chocolate this afternoon. This led her to having a massive tantrum, crying and screaming, I sent her to her room and said no chocolate at all then and took her advent calendar and put it away. DH then went to her room to talk to her, came back downstairs and basically said I was being unfair and should just let her have one. I said that’s not a good idea as she needs to learn she can’t keep crying over not getting sweets, highlighting there was a bigger problem that needs addressing.

DH ignored me and took the chocolate from the advent calendar and gave it to her. I’m fuming, mainly because of DH not backing me up. So was I being unreasonable saying no?

OP posts:
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 20/12/2020 22:22

10g is still small. It's not like a full Mars bar.

She's not your DS.

Chocolate makes most people feel better. It's not like she's eating a family bar if chocolate every day. The bigger a deal of it you make, the worse her relationship with food will be.

She's healthy, she gets plenty of exercise.

bruffin · 20/12/2020 22:22

@VimFuego101

2 tiny pieces of chocolate = not worth worrying over. But your DH undermining you is a bigger issue.
Op is making an issue ou
AccidentallyOnSanta · 20/12/2020 22:23

[quote MyDiamondShoesAreTooTight]@mollypuss1

When the op said she was obsessed with sweet stuff I took that as she couldn’t regulate her sweet food intake.

The op said she had had chocolate cake AND a hot chocolate and was then asking for yet more chocolate.

It wasn’t just the hot chocolate the child had had.[/quote]
She had chocolate cake yesterday and no advent chocolate.

Today she had a hot chocolate and asked if she could have today's chocolate and yesterday's. OP said no. She's not exactly binge eating chocolate is she?

FortunesFave · 20/12/2020 22:23

Cannot believe you did this. ONE tiny chocolate.

Sad. It's also the road to an overweight child. My children would not dream of asking me if they could have the (TINY!) chocolate they had forgotten about...they'd just eat it! It's their calendar!

Both of mine are slim as rails and healthy.

tillyandmilly · 20/12/2020 22:24

its Christmas for goodness sake - let her have the chocolate! - You are going to create food issues for her if you carry on like this - can't have a little tiny chocolate from an advent calendar as she had a hot chocolate - wow! - are you the food police.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 20/12/2020 22:24

So what if it was just before bed? It was 1 or 2 10g chocolates. She's 9 years old, it's not going to do anything bad FFS

bruffin · 20/12/2020 22:24

Op is the one in the wrong, why should her dh support when she is making food an issue for her dd.

UndertheCedartree · 20/12/2020 22:24

You made a big deal over a tiny chocolate?
I think it is this attitude that makes her 'obsessed' with sweet things. If you calmed down about it and stopped making it 'forbidden fruit' she would probably calm down about it too.

nocoolnamesleft · 20/12/2020 22:24

So, basically, you're punishing her for it having been her birthday by not letting her have that day's advent calendar chocolate, even though she missed it? Unclench.

VinylDetective · 20/12/2020 22:25

Of course chocolate makes her feel better. It makes most people feel better. It’s why a lot of women’s chocolate consumption goes through the roof once a month.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/12/2020 22:25

Why would you now pick 2 fights over a piece of chocolate ? You do know that’s not healthy, right?

Aerielview · 20/12/2020 22:26

Pick your battles op - this one was not worth fighting. Yes, she already had some sugar, but that extra teeny weeny chocolate wasn't really going to make much difference now, was it?

MyDiamondShoesAreTooTight · 20/12/2020 22:26

@AccidentallyOnSanta

You’re right, I’ve misread it. I thought the dd had had both in one day, I didn’t realise the hot chocolate was on a separate day

Misty9 · 20/12/2020 22:26

Did you say no you can have it tomorrow? If so, and she still kicked off then I probably would have stood my ground too OP. For context, my ds, same age, ate all his advent calendar chocs earlier this month and has requested that he doesn't have a chocolate one next year as he knows he can't control himself!

A friend has a younger dd who is very obsessed and motivated by chocolate. It's something to try and address early I think. If she says it makes her feel better then start by talking about that.

CovidCarol · 20/12/2020 22:26

My children would not dream of asking me if they could have the (TINY!) chocolate they had forgotten about...they'd just eat it! It's their calendar!

I thought this too. It's very telling that the poor girl even had to ask permission to eat a chocolate out of her advent calendar Sad

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2020 22:27

Well your son might react like that when he is nine. You can’t compare a five year old and. Nine year old for goodness sake

I also agree, pick your battles. There was absolutely no reason she shouldn’t have had her two advent chocolates. It was beyond petty to say no. It was her birthday yesterday and you decided to punish her because she’d had birthday cake yesterday and one small chocolate and a hot chocolate today,

I’m not a fan of your husband needs to back you up no matter how petty you behave school of thought.. In this instance I agree you were being unfair for absolutely no reason, it was one small chocolate extra. So I’d have done what he did.

Be the bigger person, tell your daughter you were wrong to deny her something so small and apologise, then talk to her about her attitude. You can’t expect her to be reasonable if you dole out petty shit and aren’t reasonable yourself.

PenelopePiper · 20/12/2020 22:27

I mean this kindly, but do you or your DD have a weight problem? Or do you have an eating disorder or suffered in the last?

It seems a huge over reaction to not allow a tiny extra chocolate because she had sugar earlier. I think the restrictions your are placing on her will make her more prone to seeking out sugar. You are making this into an issue when really there shouldn't be one.

Chill out a little bit. It's Christmas! Everyone eats loads of chocolate at Christmas.

Brighterthansunflowers · 20/12/2020 22:28

YABU

Advent calendar chocolates are tiny, you should have just let her have both which would have avoided the whole drama. A few grams of chocolate in the week before Christmas is not the hill to die on!

Hesma · 20/12/2020 22:28

You are being totally bonkers! Ard you usually this much of a control freak? Your poor DH...

saraclara · 20/12/2020 22:28

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

Yes. Christ it's a tiny advent chocolate not a tin of Quality Street.

You're going to turn her into someone who eats in secret. You risk doing some serious damage to her relationship with food.

Her behaviour was unacceptable, but she's 9 & you were being very unreasonable.

That. You are messing up this child's relationship with food. I have far from a sweet tooth, and didn't give my kids a lot of sweet stuff at all. But you're going way too far, and it's far more damaging than the effect of a bit of chocolate (or two) a day.
Omeara · 20/12/2020 22:28

Talk about suck the joy out of it! It's an advent calendar, only used for 3.5 weeks of the year. Why on earth would you try and control it?

SoftSheen · 20/12/2020 22:29

Wanting to eat two small chocolates at once does not suggest she is 'obsessed'. Being excessively controlling over food could backfire in the long run.

Combustablecustard · 20/12/2020 22:29

Yabvu and.to be honest I probably would have undermined you too on that one too, sorry.

If its that big of an issue dont give her a chocolate advent calendar

coffeelover3 · 20/12/2020 22:30

I feel so sorry for your dd :) Honestly, what difference would it make to let her have the 2 chocolates. OP you should really loosen up, the more you restrict the sweet things, the more she will crave them. You're much better off to let her have what she wants - I did this with my ds - once he realised sweets were not restricted, and that if he wanted something he could have it, the cravings much improved, to the extent that for example tonight I had made some choc chip cookies, and we had 1 each after dinner, and I went for a 2nd one, but he said no I'm ok thanks. I said nothing, but I was proud of him, and grateful that he hopefully wont have to live with craving sweet things for his life like me - who had very strict parents, who doled out the sweets as if they were gold. Wise up OP or there 'will be trouble ahead'

Chouxbuncity · 20/12/2020 22:31

I think you sound obsessive to be honest

Swipe left for the next trending thread