to not let DD have her advent chocolate

[Beekeeper31]

DD is 9 and is a lovely well-behaved child and we get on really well, apart from one issue, is that she is obsessed with chocolate, sweets, basically anything with sugar, to the point where if she doesn’t have a sweet treat every day she gets upset.

The back story is that DH also has a sweet tooth and indulges her. Ever since she was 3-4 he would take her out for special treats that involve cake or buying sweets. MIL is also similar. Maybe I'm biased as I don't really enjoy sugar, more of a savoury person.

Anyway, yesterday was her birthday, I made her a chocolate cake, consequently she forgot to eat her chocolate from her advent calendar. This evening she asked if she can have both yesterdays and todays, I said no, just have one as she had already had a hot chocolate this afternoon. This led her to having a massive tantrum, crying and screaming, I sent her to her room and said no chocolate at all then and took her advent calendar and put it away. DH then went to her room to talk to her, came back downstairs and basically said I was being unfair and should just let her have one. I said that’s not a good idea as she needs to learn she can’t keep crying over not getting sweets, highlighting there was a bigger problem that needs addressing.

DH ignored me and took the chocolate from the advent calendar and gave it to her. I’m fuming, mainly because of DH not backing me up. So was I being unreasonable saying no?

YABU.

You are passing on your insecurities about food to your daughter. Give her the chocolate and stop making a big fuss about it.

Please, stop this now and get help for you - not her.

I do understand why you did that. You felt she had had too much chocolate that day and was still asking for more.

The chocolate was such a tiny amount that it wouldn’t of done any harm.

I do know how stressful it is when you have a child that is obsessed with sweet stuff and will gorge until sick. I have to limit my dd 8 intake of sweets and chocolate otherwise she won’t eat proper meals and complains her tummy hurts.

Oh and i would have done whay your husband did. Normally i say parents should be united, but he was right on this one

I think the Op has put her DH in an impossible situation.
Obviously you back your husband/wife normally but what do you do when they're so obviously being unreasonable?

YABU.
Also, tantrums at 9? I thought that was a toddler thing?
Must be all that sugar you let her have...

Get a grip ffs.

@Buttercupcup

I would be pissed that DH didn’t back me up but I would have let her have 2 tiny advent calendar chocolates they are hardly family size bars of dairy milk.

This.

Of course you were being unreasonable - it's an advent calendar! Of course you catch up if you miss a day!

Omg, way to give her an eating disorder 👏🏻

To add - But, I think I'd struggle to justify why I thought I was right
It's Christmas. I've eaten my body weight in quality street today.

I can see why your dh didn't back you up, you were being ridiculous, and just because you're an adult doesnt mean you can't be pulled up for it.
Its dds advent calendar, if she misses a day, she should be able to decide when to have it, its only a tiny piece of chocolate after all, you're setting her up to have food issues, you need to chill.

Yes you are very unreasonable. I can't understand why you would make such a massive deal out of a tiny, tiny piece of chocolate. You are setting her up for issues. It sounds like you really judge her for being a kid and enjoying sweets.

I think you're being ridiculous. Was it really a hill worth dying on, one single chocolate? Especially the day after her bloody birthday. Poor kid.

I'm guessing you must be one of those irritating posters who lives on a lettuce leaf, dust and consomme, and thinks anyone who eats more than 1 meal a day or weighs more than 8st is a glutton?!

It sounds OTT over a very small chocolate tbh.

I have massive issues with sweet & junk food. My parents gave me “treats” constantly. My mum told me a while ago they used to put me in bed in my cot with chocolate buttons on the proviso I stayed in bed. The advent calendar wasn’t a good time to tackle it maybe but you are doing the right thing to not make treats a daily occurrence and to not give sweets to avert a tantrum. It’s easy to get into the habit of eating rubbish but it can be almost impossible to get out of it. If you can nip it in the bud now you’ll be doing your daughter a favour in the long term. Just maybe wait till the new year and buy a non chocolate advent calendar next year

Pick your battles. Totally unnecessary situation that could easily have been avoided.

YABU and maybe don’t get a chocolate advent calendar if it’s an issue??!!

I think you are being way ott. Advent calendar chocolates are tiny. It doesn't sound like she's a sugar fiend or anything from how you've described here, especially if she forget to have her calendar chocolate on the day she had her cake!

I'm laughing at the bit where you said she's 'obsessed!' With having a sweet things every day. She's a child, most kids LOVE sweet things, fuck I want a sweet thing every day!

I think you are mistaking this desire for sweet things as an 'obsession' because you personally don't like sweet things. Fine, that's your preference but it certainly isn't usual.

And the comments about her dad taking her out for sweets. In my childhood, these are some of the happiest memories of my dad. When he returned from getting the paper with a Ripple or taking me and my brother to the local sweet shop to get a quarter of whatever to eat with Saturday night tv. And going to my Nana's because they always had loads of chocolate.

It is a grandparents prerogative to give their grandchildren shit food and chocolate. We can all be pissed off when it's OUR kids, but I bet a lot of our grandparents did it for us.

Yes you are being unreasonable, it was her birthday. But it was also wrong for DH to give it to her. He's playing good cop, bad cop. Not nice. DD knows who to go to get the good stuff. That's wrong.

Yabu and ridiculous. It all just sounds ridiculous. My five year old has grown out of tantrums! I can't imagine dealing with them from a 9 year old. You and your DH need to work on this.

Ehhh?
The chocolates are tiny??
I think you are being ridiculous sorry...

@MyDiamondShoesAreTooTight

I do understand why you did that. You felt she had had too much chocolate that day and was still asking for more.

The chocolate was such a tiny amount that it wouldn’t of done any harm.

I do know how stressful it is when you have a child that is obsessed with sweet stuff and will gorge until sick. I have to limit my dd 8 intake of sweets and chocolate otherwise she won’t eat proper meals and complains her tummy hurts.

Where did the OP say she would gorge herself until sick? She said she didn’t want her having two bits of advent chocolate because she had already had a hot chocolate that day. That’s not exactly gorging herself.

DH problem seperate. But we’ve been out and away all weekend and my 4yo had 4 chocs today - still only a mouthful! You are being ridiculous

My mum was always strict with our treats when we were kids (although they weren't as readily available then) and as pp have said, when l was old enough, l used to pig out on them and even now don't have the best relationship with food. With y 9 yer old, l try not to be too ott - some days we eat too much crap but so long as we balance it out with healthy stuff and exercise, l feel like it won't kill her or give her food issues.