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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL rang to say Xmas presents were wrong

244 replies

WotsitWiggle · 20/12/2020 12:52

DH bought a top for his niece and a football related gift for his nephew (both teenagers). Sent to MIL asking if they could wrap and distribute. He does this every year as we are 250 miles away, but the rest of the family are streets from each other.

MIL rang last night to say he'd bought nephew the same present as last year and the top for niece was too small.

I think this is really bad manners. I've been brought up to be gracious in receiving presents. MIL and BIL have both bought wrong sized othes for DD in the past, or duplicate presents. We've never called them to say there's a problem, just quietly sorted it out behind the scenes.

So as not to dripfeed, MIL is DHs stepmum.

AIBU - MIL was trying to make sure the kids have nice presents
YANBU - how rude!

OP posts:
Limzo · 21/12/2020 18:03

Sounds like your MIL can go and do one! The cheek of it. It’s totally rude to ever complain about a present!!! What is wrong with people !!!

purplebunny2012 · 21/12/2020 18:12

YABU

kazlau · 21/12/2020 18:19

YABU I wouldn’t hold back next time if her presents don’t measure up.

MrsMarrio · 21/12/2020 18:23

YABU

If you can't ask for ideas beforehand or their sizes then just don't bother to send gifts at all or send a selection box with a voucher, at least that's an unthoughtful gift that they will use

dany174 · 21/12/2020 18:38

Clothing for teenagers is just not a good idea. When I was a teenager I was very sensitive about my size. I was a perfectly healthy size but not skinny like some of my friends.

If someone would give me something a size too small I would feel horrible for not fitting into it.
If someone gave me a size too big I would think they thought I was fat.
If they gave me something the right size I would be ashamed that they knew my size.

Don't give clothes to teenagers unless they ask for it!

Tessabelle74 · 21/12/2020 18:42

@M4J4 not seeing where you even mention her other son 🤔

icelolly99 · 21/12/2020 18:42

My husbands sisters have children, my siblings have children...they are all mine and my husbands nieces and nephews.... or to put it another way our childrens cousins are our nieces and nephews... what else would they be? ...

M4J4 · 21/12/2020 18:46

[quote Tessabelle74]@M4J4 not seeing where you even mention her other son 🤔[/quote]
MIL has never noticed that the presents her other son gets OP's children are wrong.

SeasonFinale · 21/12/2020 18:48

Mystified why he can't wrap and send presents direct. I seem to be able to manage to do this for family in the US.

Justbrutallyhonest · 21/12/2020 18:49

He bought one kid the same present last year and one was too small, that’s so crap, of course she should have said something, and lord knows why you can’t wrap presents and post them, we do and our relatives live on another continent!!!!

M4J4 · 21/12/2020 18:51

@icelolly99

My husbands sisters have children, my siblings have children...they are all mine and my husbands nieces and nephews.... or to put it another way our childrens cousins are our nieces and nephews... what else would they be? ...
No, they're not, they're your husband's nieces and nephews. If you split from him, you would probably never see them again.
33goingon64 · 21/12/2020 18:55

Sorry, another vote for the camp favouring honesty about suitability before giving. We consult each other about suitable gifts, sizes, has s/he already got X etc in an effort to get the right thing. Happy to exchange anything openly, no problem. I don't get this hush hush, we mustn't say it's wrong thing. My ILs do this and it pisses me off. MIL opened her own gift of 2 £££££ silk pillow cases as well as my DM's identical gift (by mistake, of course) a few years ago. Went to stay shortly after and both PAIRS (i.e. x 4 pillowcases) were on the spare bed. MIL: oh I didn't really want them so they'll go on the spare bed. So, tell me and I'll exchange them!

Commonwasher · 21/12/2020 18:56

I do see your point OP. I totally get that you find it cheeky and entitled. While I would never buy a teenage girl clothes without enclosing a gift receipt, I nevertheless always tell my children to thank someone who has given them a gift, and not say ‘Oh I’ve got this already/it’s the wrong size/what were you thinking?

My son gave a a duplicate present he received, to his best friend who had really wanted one — when he got given two it was his logical solution and they had hours of fun playing together with them. Occasionally I will replace, but mostly not, as nobody is entitled to a gift. I say to my kids: it was given with the best intention, if you don’t want it, who do you want to give it to?

I know it makes me a bit gripey though, when other people are really pernickitty about gifts or act like it’s an exchange of money. I have bought things people have specifically requested, only to receive an email 3 days before Christmas when it’s bought and wrapped, saying ‘oh can you return X and something else for DN as I found out somebody else is giving that.’ I did, but not with very good grace!

We bought a present for my in laws that they had requested, specific kitchenware, only to get a text on 23 Dec saying they think they’d prefer something else please, and when we said ‘but it’s bought and wrapped’ they asked whether we could unwrap it and return it for the alternative version they found which was also three times the price?

I find it a weird attitude to gifts.

Bookworming · 21/12/2020 19:26

@Commonwasher did you read the OP?

tootesuite · 21/12/2020 19:29

@Bookworming nothing wrong with what @Commonwasher posted.

Bookworming · 21/12/2020 19:33

@tootesuite the recipients of the gift are not complaining, they're not even aware of the gifts. Who is to say they would've moaned? The OP is about the MIL ringing the DH telling him the gifts are wrong.

So @Commonwasher saying her children would be polite etc is a complete irrelevance as that's not the question in the OP.

As many have said if the recipients had complained then they may be unreasonable, but it's not them, it's MIL.

Bookworming · 21/12/2020 19:34

So how therefore is it cheeky and entitled @tootesuite, the intended recipients are not even aware? Did you not read the OP either?

tootesuite · 21/12/2020 19:35

MIL shouldn’t be complaining either. She should just let others get on with it. And tell her son to wrap and post his presents himself.

tootesuite · 21/12/2020 19:36

Yes I’ve read the OP 🙄

Bookworming · 21/12/2020 19:43

@tootesuite so what was the relevance of @Commonwasher post? It was all about her children being recipients, not what the OP asked?

You're opinion is yours, I personally think of you involve your DM you're going to get her opinion, like it's too small (it was two sizes), he's already got that because you bought it last year. I think that's great of DM to be arsed to sort it.

Yes he should be all grown up and buy, wrap, arrange delivery of his own presents. But as he can't then he is going to get opinions. 🙅‍♀️

sorryforswearing · 21/12/2020 19:49

I’m quite happy to exchange items I’ve bought as gifts. I can’t bear the waste of money if they are unsuitable. I live a long distance from some of my family and I order gifts to go my sister’s house or she gets them and wraps them for me to save money on additional postage. I’m not too lazy to bother. I return the favour want she is sending presents for family near me. We even post out gift tags to each other to be added to our gifts so the handwriting matches the giver.

Porridgeoat · 21/12/2020 20:27

Look it’s simple. Next time DH wraps the gift and leaves the receipt inside so that the parents can exchange if need be. No need to involve mother in law at all.

icelolly99 · 21/12/2020 20:49

@M4J4 you need to check the definition of niece and nephew in the dictionary.....
Next you'll be saying your husbands sisters husband isn't your brother in law.... Grin

DreamTheMoors · 21/12/2020 21:47

YANBU, @WotsitWiggle.

Screw her and the broom she rode in on.

steff13 · 21/12/2020 22:05

I would hate to give someone a gift they can't use.