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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL rang to say Xmas presents were wrong

244 replies

WotsitWiggle · 20/12/2020 12:52

DH bought a top for his niece and a football related gift for his nephew (both teenagers). Sent to MIL asking if they could wrap and distribute. He does this every year as we are 250 miles away, but the rest of the family are streets from each other.

MIL rang last night to say he'd bought nephew the same present as last year and the top for niece was too small.

I think this is really bad manners. I've been brought up to be gracious in receiving presents. MIL and BIL have both bought wrong sized othes for DD in the past, or duplicate presents. We've never called them to say there's a problem, just quietly sorted it out behind the scenes.

So as not to dripfeed, MIL is DHs stepmum.

AIBU - MIL was trying to make sure the kids have nice presents
YANBU - how rude!

OP posts:
Weebitawks · 20/12/2020 18:54

It just sounds like she noticed a mistake and called DH while he still had time to rectify it. It's not like the children/children's parents called so it can't be described as bad manners/ungrateful.

I must say I wouldn't take too kindly to being expected to wrap other people's presents - as if everyone doesn't have enough to do themselves at christmas.

bunhead34 · 20/12/2020 18:58

Your MIL did the right thing.
If I was a teen of any size and received a top 2 sizes too small I would feel AWFUL!

Mumtwoboys90 · 20/12/2020 19:10

Yabu

CarolinaWeeper · 20/12/2020 19:27

it sounds like your MIL is just trying to intervene while there’s still time to resolve the problem and save your husband from looking like a knob to his niece and nephew.

Quite. I can't get over the fact he outsources the wrapping to his stepmum. Is it really so hard to wrap it himself then post directly to the recipient? That's what the majority of people do!

ittakes2 · 20/12/2020 21:46

Helpful not rude to me. What I think is rude is you send and expect her to wrap! I would wrap and send.

mam0918 · 21/12/2020 11:25

I think its rude, its already been bought and shipped 250 miles so its obviously not a case of just popping to the shop and getting the next size up - I mean did she expect to pay again ship it back, get you to exchange it then pay to ship it again with 5 days to go ffs also womens/teen girl sizes are hard, I'm a 6 in some brands/fits and a 12 in others, if she hasnt tried it on the MIL cant say it doesnt fit.

Also my DS is a football fan and recieving 2 football shirts 2 years in a row is not a problem, its actually very useful especially as teenagers grow.

emilyfrost · 21/12/2020 11:34

@mam0918

I think its rude, its already been bought and shipped 250 miles so its obviously not a case of just popping to the shop and getting the next size up - I mean did she expect to pay again ship it back, get you to exchange it then pay to ship it again with 5 days to go ffs also womens/teen girl sizes are hard, I'm a 6 in some brands/fits and a 12 in others, if she hasnt tried it on the MIL cant say it doesnt fit.

Also my DS is a football fan and recieving 2 football shirts 2 years in a row is not a problem, its actually very useful especially as teenagers grow.

It wasn’t a football shirt that was bought twice, just the same football gift so that argument is out.

And if “women’s/teens” are hard to buy for re. size then you fucking ask.

He was thoughtless and lazy.

MariaK91 · 21/12/2020 11:56

Did you send them the receipts so they could exchange them themselves? If not, next time send the presents with receipt and just say if there's a problem they can sort it out themselves. Though you could have made a slightly better effort than buying the same thing twice, or asked about the right size! I would have just said thank you and got on with it so I'm a bit on the fence about the MIL phonecall, I can see why you'd find it a bit rude but if she was just trying to help then can't really fault that. If you're not going to put the effort in to get a good present and actually wrap it yourself, just send a card with vouchers or money in it.

SpaceOp · 21/12/2020 12:13

@Gardeniaofdelights

Your husband has been a bit of an idiot. It would be rude for the niece and nephew to complain (though they would have some justification!) but it sounds like your MIL is just trying to intervene while there’s still time to resolve the problem and save your husband from looking like a knob to his niece and nephew.
This.
Plussizejumpsuit · 21/12/2020 12:22

It sounds like a half arsed attempt. With the lack of attention to detail and getting his step mum to do the wrapping. Thb that's fucking cheecky. You don't live abroad. It's quite entitled of him as if his time is more important than hers. She was just trying to help him actually look like he gave a shit.

AgentJohnson · 21/12/2020 12:24

Let me get this straight, in your opinion his stepmother is rude for pointing out that his gifts were inappropriate (thoughtless) but your DH is well meaning but forgetful.

Had it ever occurred to you that you secretly swapping out her gifts was extremely rude, at least his stepmother gave him the opportunity to make changes. Funny how you think the feelings of a grown arse man should be spared but the children’s are less important or was it that, you think she should have adopted your deceitful ways.

Neither you or your DH particularly shine in this tale but his stepmother, is a star.

PortalooSunset · 21/12/2020 17:34

I live a similar distance from my nieces. I ask them directly (or dsis) for ideas, plus if I go with clothing I find out the size. I also wrap the presents myself before posting if I'm not going to see them. It's not hard.

Can't understand why your dh can't discuss with his sibling, certainly no idea why he can't wrap things himself, no need for mil (step or otherwise - irrelevant btw) to be involved at all! Is he this thoughtless/lazy with gifts for you and your own child too?

OVienna · 21/12/2020 17:38

I think that it is reasonable she told you that you'd bought the same shirt last year. The wrong sized top I am mixed about but probably would also have said.

anon666 · 21/12/2020 17:41

I'd much rather know than not know that the gift I'm sending was the same as last year. Shock

I guess I wouldn't expect to be told by the person receiving the gift as at that point it sounds rude.

It sounds as though you don't think she's doing this from the right motives and that's why it's bothering you. If so then worth reflecting on that. Are you misreading her intent, or are there unresolved issues in that relationship.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 21/12/2020 17:41

I think YABVU.

Surely you’d want your niece to have a top that fits?

I wouldn’t have an issue with my mum letting me know I had made a mistake. Why would you be so ridiculously sensitive?

I want to give gifts that fit and are appropriate.

QueenoftheFarts · 21/12/2020 17:43

In our family we are all gracious (the thought most definitely counts), but also honest. If its not right we get the receipt and change it up. Terribly wasteful to sit on an unusable present for the sake of good manners.

M4J4 · 21/12/2020 17:48

Is BIL MIL's bio son? Sounds like she gives more of a shit that his kids get good gifts than she does about your kids? If yes, she has double standards and if I were DH I would just send a £10 voucher each next year.

icelolly99 · 21/12/2020 17:52

Why are you describing then as your DH's niece and nephew and not yours aswell.....

Pukkatea · 21/12/2020 17:53

Surely her ringing you IS 'sorting it out behind the scenes'? Unless you think she should replace the presents at her own time and expense?

M4J4 · 21/12/2020 17:55

Why are you describing then as your DH's niece and nephew and not yours aswell.....

What a roundabout way of saying 'Why is your DH buying the presents for them and not you?'.

I don't see DH's nieces and nephews as mine, they live far away and we're not close. I wouldn't have touched their shitty nappies with a barge pole, but I was very happy to change my sisters' kids nappies. Same as OP's DH's, they are 250 miles away

tootesuite · 21/12/2020 17:56

@Pukkatea

Surely her ringing you IS 'sorting it out behind the scenes'? Unless you think she should replace the presents at her own time and expense?
By sorting OP means exchanging for a different size i think, which they've done themselves. Make them do the work next time, OP.
LoverOfAllThingsPurple · 21/12/2020 17:57

It’s not bad manners trying to correct presents. You should have checked first.

PoulePouletteEternellement · 21/12/2020 17:58

icelolly99 They are not the OP's niece and nephew as they are not her sibling's children.

Am I missing something? Xmas Confused

Tessabelle74 · 21/12/2020 17:59

Next year send the parcels yourself! Of course YABU, your MIL is trying to avoid your husband looking like a thoughtless plum on Christmas day

M4J4 · 21/12/2020 18:02

your MIL is trying to avoid your husband looking like a thoughtless plum on Christmas day

But more than happy for other son to be a thoughtless plum it seems.