MIL rang to say Xmas presents were wrong

[WotsitWiggle]

DH bought a top for his niece and a football related gift for his nephew (both teenagers). Sent to MIL asking if they could wrap and distribute. He does this every year as we are 250 miles away, but the rest of the family are streets from each other.

MIL rang last night to say he'd bought nephew the same present as last year and the top for niece was too small.

I think this is really bad manners. I've been brought up to be gracious in receiving presents. MIL and BIL have both bought wrong sized othes for DD in the past, or duplicate presents. We've never called them to say there's a problem, just quietly sorted it out behind the scenes.

So as not to dripfeed, MIL is DHs stepmum.

AIBU - MIL was trying to make sure the kids have nice presents
YANBU - how rude!

DH bought a top for his niece and a football related gift for his nephew (both teenagers). Sent to MIL asking if they could wrap and distribute.

The WTFs start here and continue to mount up through the rest of the thread.

In this case case it's lucky the DH didn't buy the presents, pay for gift wrap and send direct, as the presents were shit.

I suppose his palming the work off and terrible purchases may be related!

A teen girl getting a way too small top on Xmas opened in front of family is not a good scene.

It is bad manners to complain about a gift but I can see why MIL said it as she did not want to wrap up gifts which would be no good for her grandchildren and it sounds like your DH put little to no thought into the gift. My family live around 250 miles away and we always used amazon lists as when you don't see them regularly it is difficult to know what they need or want. This year we unilaterally decided no gifts that needed posting so thankfully only immediate family for us. Maybe a conversation for future years to say don't worry about presents. Saves your DH not having to think about gifts and presumably his brother then does not need to think about your DD and MIL does not need to wrap up gifts for everyone.

I would remind her, nicely if possible, that she has done the same thing, and that you did, indeed, sort it out on your end. Also mention that sending current sizes in early November would be a great help.

@Mamanyt

I would remind her, nicely if possible, that she has done the same thing, and that you did, indeed, sort it out on your end. Also mention that sending current sizes in early November would be a great help.

Do not do this!!!

Don’t blame the MIL for getting the sizes working. Dh should have asked.

Also don’t bite back with spite. Mil is being helpful.

Only that she has regularly bought gifts for DD that I've ended up swapping, quietly without telling her they were wrong so as not to offend (they send DDs presents down a day or two before Christmas, from them and BIL). I haven't said anything to DH, I just thought it was rude myself. Obviously I'm wrong. In which case, next time she sends a crap present for DD, I'll let her know!
Did mil suddenly become her niece and nephews mother? Or are you just pissed off, realise it’s not rational with all the responses, so youve channeled your pissed off into another irrational avenue?

@Mamanyt

I would remind her, nicely if possible, that she has done the same thing, and that you did, indeed, sort it out on your end. Also mention that sending current sizes in early November would be a great help.

No, she hasn’t. She isn’t niece and nephews mum.

Erm...why doesn't your DH wrap and send the gifts direct to the recipient?

Yeah he’s asked someone else to wrap them for him and she’s offered some pretty good advice - you should be grateful.

And the ‘she’s his stepmom’ !? You’re won’t 12! If she’s good enough to wrap the presents eh.

Imagine being a teen and receiving something too small.

What are the chances she is questioning her body already?

Your MIL doesn't need to be gracious about receiving the gifts - she isn't the recipient. I think it's nice of her to be helpful and give your DH a chance to fix this, so he doesn't look like the distant, thoughtless uncle who can't remember what he got his nephew last year. She is trying to do him a favour, here, I think. The wrong size top is less of an issue in those terms, but also maybe highlights the distance. Plus maybe the DN is sensitive about her size and the MIL doesn't want her to receive something and be upset it's too small.

If you don't want the in-laws involved in your gifts then don't send them to them and ask them to wrap them and deliver them. Wrap them and post them directly to the recipients yourself.

If you want the help, then accept the advice as well. It sounds like she is trying to be helpful to both you and to the kids. Say thank you to her for the save and fix the presents.

Your Dh is wrong here , why buy the same present as previous year, that’s a bit crap, why’s he not wrapping his own presents anyway, and sending, also the tops too small, what is so hard about asking for their sizes wrapping own presents and sending off, why is the Mil fault! How weird! Talk about passing the buck, how lazy!

If you don't want MIL to interfere don't put her in the middle in the first place. She has probably saved the teenage girl being upset by intervening though.

Is someone actually expecting the MIL to send current sizes? Why can't the other adults communicate directly?

MIL has never noticed that the presents her other son gets OP's children are wrong.

presumably because her other (step?)son isn't a CF who expects her to do the wrapping.

So OP - what was the solution? I hope it involves saying thanks to MIL for trying to help and a promise not to burden her with this kind of shitwork again.

YABU. You could easily buy the presents and wrap them yourself then send them directly to your family rather than expecting MIL to do the leg work. You can’t buy a kid the same present two years in a row, it’s a poor show. And no, I don’t think anyone has to be grateful for a thoughtless useless present like clothing that is too small.

Seems like a heads up to me so DH could sort it!

YABU. Sounds like she was trying to help!
What has the fact that MIL is ‘step mum’ got to do with anything?
I think your issue is with her and goes way deeper than any gifts.