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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL rang to say Xmas presents were wrong

244 replies

WotsitWiggle · 20/12/2020 12:52

DH bought a top for his niece and a football related gift for his nephew (both teenagers). Sent to MIL asking if they could wrap and distribute. He does this every year as we are 250 miles away, but the rest of the family are streets from each other.

MIL rang last night to say he'd bought nephew the same present as last year and the top for niece was too small.

I think this is really bad manners. I've been brought up to be gracious in receiving presents. MIL and BIL have both bought wrong sized othes for DD in the past, or duplicate presents. We've never called them to say there's a problem, just quietly sorted it out behind the scenes.

So as not to dripfeed, MIL is DHs stepmum.

AIBU - MIL was trying to make sure the kids have nice presents
YANBU - how rude!

OP posts:
DonnaScozzese · 20/12/2020 15:45

It's not the same as you telling her that her presents for your DC are crap. She's not the recipient, and she's doing him a favour. The stand out bit of this story is your DH buying clothes for a 15 year old niece. He's on a hiding to nothing. Never ever buy clothes for a teenager, rookie error. Also, my kids say it's the wrong size when they're too polite to say it's actually just bogging.

AnnaSW1 · 20/12/2020 15:46

I think it's better for you to just send the presents direct. Leave her out of it

RowanAlong · 20/12/2020 15:46

Sounds like your DH hasn’t got much of a clue about what his niece and nephew actually want? Perhaps he should ask their parents directly each year, then just wrap a parcel thoughtfully and send it in the post direct to them? Why involve MIL at all?

izzyrose85 · 20/12/2020 15:47

I would be grateful if MIL pointed this out if we'd fucked up like this!

You have the opportunity to rectify things now. Don't you want them to have nice presents?!

BlueThistles · 20/12/2020 15:47

I avoid buy 'clothing' gifts for this very reason... nobody has the same taste either.. it's a minefield... Xmas Smile

Ethicalbluey45 · 20/12/2020 15:50

AlltheUsernamesArealredyTaken i only said OP reminds me of my sister and the rest i was only ranting

SpilltheTea · 20/12/2020 15:52

I think it's normal for her to have pointed out the duplicate and sizing issues.

NiceGerbil · 20/12/2020 16:03

I think what your mil did was fine.

I think a 15yo girl getting a top way too small would potentially really upset her.

Crayfishforyou · 20/12/2020 16:04

Maybe your DH should put a bit more effort, it’s the thought that counts, and it doesn’t seem as though he’s had any at all.

Amira19 · 20/12/2020 16:18

The fact you can't see past the own end of youre nose says it all. Imagine being 15 over weight and body conscious and recieved a top not to youre taste that was too small could you imagine the embrassement. You both sound awful people. I feel sorry for youre poor mil. Good for her for calling you out. I suspect you've done this on purpose.

mumwon · 20/12/2020 16:48

maybe they sent to mil direct so it would get there in time & sizing is not always accurate - it differs from shop to shop - the post office deliveries are pretty dire at the moment
as for not remembering what he got them last year - unless you are hyper organised it can happen - but I would suggest if you send them directly send a gift receipt so they can be exchanged ( as opposed to being sent via shop where the receipt should be included?) a lot of shops will exchange at this time of year without receipt usually like for like or credit note

ddl1 · 20/12/2020 16:55

If it's still possible to exchange the gifts, this is just about OK of them and YAB slightly U. If they're just having a moan, then no, it's very rude of them.

fakenina · 20/12/2020 16:58

It depends on the relationships. If your DH could say the same thing to MIL or BIL and they'd see it as just being practicalo and not offended then the comment is fine.

DeathinparadiseNo1fan · 20/12/2020 17:19

It was just a whoopsie. You know for next time. I would just thank her a sort it. Best of luck

NiceGerbil · 20/12/2020 17:20

A whoopsie Grin

Paintedmaypole · 20/12/2020 17:25

Buying an item of clothing for a 15 year old who you rarely see was a bad move. In fact it would be a bad idea to buy any teenager clothes. Unless you are very short of cash I would tell MIL to please put them aside for a charity shop and send an Amazon voucher or transfer money first thing tomorrow. MIL not being rude, they aren't gifts for her.

TheNoodlesIncident · 20/12/2020 17:27

Well, isn't a good thing that the presents were delivered to your MIL then, and that she could point out the problems with them? If they had been wrapped and sent direct to the niece and nephew, there would have been no chance of changing them to something more appropriate. I would have been grateful to MIL for that, to be honest.

Obviously you've decided you won't say anything if your DD gets a present that isn't the right size or is in some way "wrong". But that's your choice, you could choose to tell MIL that a bigger/smaller size would have been even better, remaining grateful but helpfully pointing out the mistake. Then maybe she will either stop making the mistakes, or ask for your advice beforehand, surely a good thing?

Suppose MIL hadn't raised the mistakes your DH made with his present choices? Next year he might have continued to buy a medium for the niece and another replicated item (not the same one) for the nephew? Because if it isn't mentioned, how would he know? Or does it not matter if these children are upset or disappointed?

lljkk · 20/12/2020 17:34

YABU, sorry.
Your DH should let her know when she makes purchasing mistakes, too.
This doesn't have to be at all a big deal.

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 20/12/2020 17:44

MIL rang last night to say he'd bought nephew the same present as last year and the top for niece was too small.

I would be grateful of this beforehand so I could fix it rather than my sibling and their family thinking i couldnt care less what i got them.

MIL and BIL have both bought wrong sized othes for DD in the past, or duplicate presents.

accidents do happen. as yours was an accident. but wouldnt it have been nicer for you that day to open correct sizes or non duplicates? If only someone had interviened and warned them.

SpudsandGravy · 20/12/2020 17:48

YABU. Do you think it would be better if you didn't know?

DeathinparadiseNo1fan · 20/12/2020 18:07

@NiceGerbil

A whoopsie Grin
😂 Yup! Am I the only one that says this! Lol
TicTacTwo · 20/12/2020 18:29

I think MIL was right to say something. How would your h feel if his sibling was annoyed at him and MIL didn't give him a heads up that the gifts were wrong.

How wrong were the gifts and how old are the children ? Did he buy an age 3 top for a 7 year old or did he buy a 7-8 for a 7 year old who wears 8-9?
It's hard to say if the football gift was wrong. The kit changes annually so the same gift is different iyswim.

If I was your h I'd switch to vouchers so the parents or kids can pick what they like.

Isthisit22 · 20/12/2020 18:40

I think it's really weird that your husband would buy a top for a teenage girl. What a strange choice of gift.
Just get him to send gift cards next year.

GlowingOrb · 20/12/2020 18:41

The gifts haven’t been given. mIL is trying to help. Fix the problem before the gifts are given.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/12/2020 18:50

@Isthisit22

I think it's really weird that your husband would buy a top for a teenage girl. What a strange choice of gift. Just get him to send gift cards next year.
And off Amazon no less
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