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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL rang to say Xmas presents were wrong

244 replies

WotsitWiggle · 20/12/2020 12:52

DH bought a top for his niece and a football related gift for his nephew (both teenagers). Sent to MIL asking if they could wrap and distribute. He does this every year as we are 250 miles away, but the rest of the family are streets from each other.

MIL rang last night to say he'd bought nephew the same present as last year and the top for niece was too small.

I think this is really bad manners. I've been brought up to be gracious in receiving presents. MIL and BIL have both bought wrong sized othes for DD in the past, or duplicate presents. We've never called them to say there's a problem, just quietly sorted it out behind the scenes.

So as not to dripfeed, MIL is DHs stepmum.

AIBU - MIL was trying to make sure the kids have nice presents
YANBU - how rude!

OP posts:
NatalieLollipop · 20/12/2020 13:59

What's being a step mum got to do with it I wonder, unless you feel it gives you permission to turn her into the baddie?

Bookworming · 20/12/2020 14:00

He's ordered new gifts, anything he could find on Amazon, paid for the gift bags, and sent directly to recipients. So no-one goes without.

Amazon do a gift wrapping service and gift receipt option, he should use that?

darksideofbuttonmoon · 20/12/2020 14:02

'He bought a duplicate because he's a forgetful sod, and thought it was a good present. And it is, but you only need one of them!'

Exactly, so if you yourself acknowledge that the present to your nephew was a waste of money because he already has one, then it must follow that your MIL was in the right to point this out and give him the opportunity to change it.
Also if the top is, as you claim, two sizes too small for his niece, can you not see how hurtful this would be for her to open on Christmas day? Meaning that your MIL again did a good thing to avoid this happening.

RobinRedford · 20/12/2020 14:03

No I don’t think she was being rude either. What use is a duplicate gift that he bought two years running and What use is an item of clothing that’s not going to fit. Why wouldn’t he ask sizes or for gift ideas before hand.

Mil was clearly looking out for niece and nephew

MessAllOver · 20/12/2020 14:05

Those are spectacularly bad presents. Yes, it's the thought that counts, but little thought or effort has been spent here.

Do you really want the recipients of the gifts to receive something they have no use for and which will go straight in the charity shop bag?

SpiderGwen · 20/12/2020 14:05

God, poor niece.

Sally872 · 20/12/2020 14:06

Yabvu. The gifts aren't for mil, she is involved in wrapping and spotted an opportunity to stop your dh being embarrassed by giving a duplicate gift, and your nieve being embarrassed as she was given a medium rather than extra large.

If nephew or niece got the gifts they should have said thank you and not complain, this was mil helping dh. It is absolutely not the same as you telling mil next time she buys ds a shit gift, that would be very rude.

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2020 14:07

YABU. The presents sound thoughtless and he should have wrapped them himself anyway. Sounds like your MIL thinks, rightly, that he’s got away with being useless for too long.

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2020 14:11

Also your niece getting a top which is clearly much too small for her would probably be hugely embarrassing at 15. Your DH sounds like he really hasn’t got a clue. If he can’t do better than this he should just send an Amazon voucher.

ohwhatamiserableyear · 20/12/2020 14:11

He's lazy. MIL is probably tired of feeling like she has to apologise for his lack of effort.

If you're going to buy someone you don't even see much clothes, at least ask for sizes.

Ty36 · 20/12/2020 14:13

I don’t think she was being rude at all, I would definitely want to know if I had sent them.

TomasinaTiers · 20/12/2020 14:20

Why does she have to wrap his presents Grin ridiculous

Why not send it directly, and if he can’t wrap presents, buy then wrapped (by clicking “gift wrap option “)

What the what Grin

notanothertakeaway · 20/12/2020 14:24

I think having presents delivered for MIL to wrap is fine

Presents weren't great, but I think some of the reponses are harsh

livefornaps · 20/12/2020 14:26

Your husband is:

craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppp-pppp-ppppp!!!!

Bookworming · 20/12/2020 14:28

Presents weren't great, but I think some of the reponses are harsh

Not great? They're unusable!

notangelinajolie · 20/12/2020 14:29

Your DH is thoughtless for buying exactly the same present as last year and it wouldn't have taken 2 mins to ask about sizes. He is also lazy for getting someone else to wrap his presents.
It is your MIL you should be thanking, she is trying to save him from embarrassment and wants to make sure your niece and nephew unwrap presents on Christmas Day that are actually suitable.
If I were your MIL I'd be telling him to play Santa himself next year.

Porcupineinwaiting · 20/12/2020 14:29

Of he doesnt have a close relationship with his step mother wtf is he expecting her to wrap presents for him? He does sound lazy.

goodwinter · 20/12/2020 14:30

@Heronwatcher

Also your niece getting a top which is clearly much too small for her would probably be hugely embarrassing at 15. Your DH sounds like he really hasn’t got a clue. If he can’t do better than this he should just send an Amazon voucher.
Yeah, I would feel awful at age 15 to unwrap a size medium top if I wore an XL. I'm still pretty sensitive about that stuff and I'm an adult now! Poor girl. How could he get that so wrong?
TragedyHands · 20/12/2020 14:31

YABU, we live miles from some family and manage to wrap and post presents. Do it yourself.
If they don't fit, you need to make sure you ask for the right sizes in future.

Candyfloss99 · 20/12/2020 14:40

How about he wraps the presents and sends then directly to his nephew and niece then instead of making his stepmum do it?

AnnaMagnani · 20/12/2020 14:44

Seriously buying for teens = cash in a card.

If you don't know them that well, the present is always going to be wrong and even if you do know them, clothing is definitely going to be wrong - wrong size, wrong brand, wrong colour, wrong way the wind is blowing that morning.

Saves much heart ache.

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2020 14:44

What an odd thread. I think it wins today

How can his mother possibly be rude by saying the kids presents were wrong, she wasn’t the recipient so your comparison is totally illogical

And he bought his nephew the same present twice, and then didn’t check the sizing for the niece, didn’t even wrap them, and sent them to his mum to wrap and distribute

Could he give less of a shit?

Oldbutstillgotit · 20/12/2020 14:47

Why doesn’t he wrap the presents himself ?

WeAllHaveWings · 20/12/2020 14:47

Assuming you want your niece and nephew to have decent presents your MIL has done you dh a huge favour letting him know there are problems with the gifts before they are given. Don't see what your problem is! You should be thanking her!

isawthatt · 20/12/2020 14:49

YABU, that is quite bad of him