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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL rang to say Xmas presents were wrong

244 replies

WotsitWiggle · 20/12/2020 12:52

DH bought a top for his niece and a football related gift for his nephew (both teenagers). Sent to MIL asking if they could wrap and distribute. He does this every year as we are 250 miles away, but the rest of the family are streets from each other.

MIL rang last night to say he'd bought nephew the same present as last year and the top for niece was too small.

I think this is really bad manners. I've been brought up to be gracious in receiving presents. MIL and BIL have both bought wrong sized othes for DD in the past, or duplicate presents. We've never called them to say there's a problem, just quietly sorted it out behind the scenes.

So as not to dripfeed, MIL is DHs stepmum.

AIBU - MIL was trying to make sure the kids have nice presents
YANBU - how rude!

OP posts:
HighSpecWhistle · 20/12/2020 13:24

Why should a child be grateful for a top they can't wear or a gift they had off the same person last year?

YABU any child would be disappointed. You should offer to refund and replace.

quizqueen · 20/12/2020 13:25

Why didn't you just hand the phone to your husband when she called!! His business to sort out.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/12/2020 13:26

This cannot be real.

YoniAndGuy · 20/12/2020 13:27

Sent to MIL asking if they could wrap and distribute. He does this every year as we are 250 miles away, but the rest of the family are streets from each other.

And this is AWFUL op. Stinks to high heaven of fucking lazy little prince syndrome - can't be bothered to wrap, write a nice tag/card from Uncle, or spend a tiny bit on postage. Nah, all that shit is women's work, innit?

He needs a big kick up the bum. Not at all surprised if his stepmum's message was partly driven by her being sick of doing the shitwork/wifework for a massively entitled stepson. He actually SENT them to her, and didn't wrap them first. Appalling.

beavisandbutthead · 20/12/2020 13:27

Whats her being a step mum got to do with your DH sending shit presents?

ExclamationPerfume · 20/12/2020 13:28

He bought crap presents and needs to be told. Why should they do the wrapping for him anyway? Lazy.

AnotherChinHair · 20/12/2020 13:28

Your DH sounds thoughtless and like your MIL if fed up of seeing the kids be disappointed.

KarenMarlow3 · 20/12/2020 13:30

I'll be on my own here. Yes, it's always bad manners to complain about a gift. I've had plenty of gifts that I couldn't use for one reason or another. I've had gifts of clothes that I would never wear, food I can't eat, ornaments I don't like etc. But, they were gifts and so I thanked the giver.
Not everyone is super organized and remembers everything they bought the previous year. Mistakes are made. I doubt that the wrong size was bought deliberately. I agree that the gifts were not suitable, but it is still churlish and bad mannered to complain about them.

oakleaffy · 20/12/2020 13:30

@dementedpixie

Maybe should have asked for sizes in advance. I wouldn't buy clothing without knowing what size to buy
This.

My lovely MIL often bought clothes that were too small, so I just exchanged for next size up, so they laster longer.

It is very difficult to buy clothes for children you don't see very often, due to distance, as they sprout so fast.

huuskymam · 20/12/2020 13:32

Your dh should really have checked with the kids parents first. And buying clothes for teenagers can be a nightmare, especially if you don't know their style. Much better to give teenagers vouchers. You mil was right to point it out, saves on the kids disappointment.

PearlescentIridescent · 20/12/2020 13:32

Reverse??

Seems very obvious that she is trying to help and I would have wanted to know but then I would also have asked in advance sizing and probably also would have not bought the same present twice!

He's also not even wrapping them and that will probably be obvious based on gift wrap?

He's coming across as a little thoughtless tbh. Wouldn't it be easier to just send money to step mum or money in a card if he's going to put that little effort into buying?

DietCokePolice · 20/12/2020 13:33

Wow your DH couldn’t really be doing a more half arsed job could he?

Original poster
WotsitWiggle · 20/12/2020 13:34

@bert3400

Sounds like you are trying to stir up trouble between your DH and his Step mum. Is there a back story ?
Only that she has regularly bought gifts for DD that I've ended up swapping, quietly without telling her they were wrong so as not to offend (they send DDs presents down a day or two before Christmas, from them and BIL). I haven't said anything to DH, I just thought it was rude myself. Obviously I'm wrong. In which case, next time she sends a crap present for DD, I'll let her know!

He's always sent the gifts there, as niece/nephew spend Christmas Day at theirs, that's the arrangement they've had for years - he buys online and puts the delivery address as there's. I don't get involved - I sort my family, he sorts his. I ask my family what they want and buy accordingly. He likes to comes up with ideas himself, but obviously this year got it wrong.

OP posts:
ImPrincessAurora · 20/12/2020 13:35

Why did he buy a duplicate gift? Not sure how you wouldn’t realise that - and I have 8 nieces and nephews. I’d still know.
The top being too small depends really. Did you get the correct age but the child is bigger or did you get their age wrong? This would be easily exchanged, so don’t think such an issue.

The duplicate gift though, YABU.

blackcat86 · 20/12/2020 13:35

oh I see, so your CF DH can't be bothered to put any thoughts into gifts, check sizes or even wrap the presents but MIL must be in the wrong because she's a SM. Got it.

oakleaffy · 20/12/2020 13:35

Men and wrapping!
They just tend not to realise how important it is.

Cards, too. Definitely wrapping should be done by the man, but I used to wrap Dad's presents for mum.
{From age 7! } except he managed to wrap her 'Saucy' presents himself .

Silk stockings, suspenders, silken underwear.

I used to think ''How boring! Poor Mum! She just got clothes...''
😂 She seemed pleased with them though.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 20/12/2020 13:35

I get fed up of dealing with problems like this, taking things back, queuing, paying for parking or bus fares just because someone couldn't be bothered to remember how old my children were and buy clothes with that age on them (standard sizes fit, things were always bought for a younger age than they were). The kids were used to smiling and thanking relative knowing there was a good chance it would end up in a charity bag as they didn't include receipts. I wouldn't pull them up on it, HOWEVER your MIL is not the recipient and doesn't need to be gracious, she is trying to avoid the kids receiving something pointless that they then have to pretend to be grateful for. Your DH is in the wrong.

KatieGGGG · 20/12/2020 13:36

The present receivers aren’t being ungracious though are they? They haven’t received them yet. His adult stepmum has very kindly gave him a heads up. She’s not being ungracious either they’re not her gift and he she gets the pleasure of dealing with them.

Also why on earth can’t he wrap presents and post them himself Confused a two second online shop where one child gets the same gift the other child the wrong size and he still can’t be bothered getting them shipped to his own house?

Original poster
WotsitWiggle · 20/12/2020 13:37

@beavisandbutthead

Whats her being a step mum got to do with your DH sending shit presents?
In that he didn't grow up with her, so they don't have a mum/son relationship. He lived with just his dad until he was 16.
OP posts:
emilyfrost · 20/12/2020 13:39

He likes to comes up with ideas himself, but obviously this year got it wrong.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he got it wrong every year with such thoughtlessness and laziness and this time it was just one too many.

Even if he has to send them to the stepmums, he can buy presents, wrap them
himself and then send them on. Not just buy online and expect her to sort it.

PearlescentIridescent · 20/12/2020 13:39

Woah hang on.

There is a difference between what you personally consider a "crap present" and presents that clearly have no thought or effort put into them, i.e. wrong sized clothes, repeat gifts, unwrapped presents..

Also, MIL is obviously going to see this beforehand and has rightly tried to help by advising that they won't be useful on the day.

You don't sound like very nice people to be honest. This is all coming across as very spiteful on top of the initial thoughtlessness.

KatieGGGG · 20/12/2020 13:40

“ Men and wrapping!
They just tend not to realise how important it is.”

All the men in my family manage to “realise” it just fine. Stopping giving them an out that wrapping presents (ffs) is women’s work.

user1471565182 · 20/12/2020 13:40

Im guessing the 'same as last year' could be a football shirt thats slightly different this season

WetPaint4 · 20/12/2020 13:40

I think you're being a bit harsh on your MIL. I can understand your husband sending gifts unwrapped if his mom is happy to wrap them, what would a wrapped gift look like after a 250 mile trip? Mine look a bit worn once they've been packed in my car for half an hour.

But for the rest, if your MIL has seen the gifts and knows they're not suitable, of course she should be able to contact her son and let him know before they're actually gifted.

And if your husband's memory is that bad, he should make a note of what he's bought previously. And next year he should just speak to his mom for advice before he buys and sends presents. Saves all the expense offering it wrong in the first place.

mooncakes · 20/12/2020 13:41

MIL isn’t the recipient of the presents, so why would she be gracious Confused

She’s helping your DH out!