Feeling angry about ingratitude - AIBU?

[NCforthis10]

NC for this. I’m not sure about whether I’m being unreasonable or not and I’m looking for a way of dealing with this.

I’m the manager of one of our company’s branches with 14 staff. I normally buy everyone a gift at Xmas to say thanks for all their efforts in the year. Nothing expensive, usually about £20-25 in value. Because of coronavirus our branch only has a skeleton staff in the office to deal with things that need to be dispatched and customer returns. I’m mainly working from home.

This year I decided to make a donation to a local charity on behalf of the branch rather than deal with the logistics of getting gifts to everyone. I sent an email out to all of the team thanking them for all their teamwork and another successful year despite the coronavirus, explaining that I’d made the donation in their names. I did this at the beginning of the week and no one has even acknowledged this apart from some comments made at a staff Webex meeting on Thursday when a couple of people said that they would have preferred a gift like usual.

I was so taken aback that I couldn’t say anything so I just acted like nothing was said and moved onto the next item. But I’m really struggling with what I see as immense ingratitude.

I’m looking to my fellow mumsnetters to let me know if my reaction is being unreasonable and how to deal with it. I really feel like saying something very pointed as I see making the donation still as a gift which obviously wasn’t appreciated, but I don’t want to make matters worse for myself.

AIBU?

@HeadNorth

The OP did something she wanted to do. Fair enough. But then the OP got annoyed because her staff were insufficiently grateful for her festive gift of nothing (or 'fuck all', if you are the poster who has a problem acknowledging the OP gave her staff nothing).

It is the OP's anger at her staff for not saying thank you for receiving nothing for xmas that is hilariously unreasonable. The rest is just scenery.

The OP is not angry, she is upset and worried that she has upset her team. She is not coming across as angry, just concerned that she made a mistake with the charity donation.

Where are you getting that OP was angry from?

It wasn’t very nice of you to donate their presents because you couldn’t be bothered for the logistics.

And you expect gratitude on top of this??

Where are you getting that OP was angry from?

Perhaps from the title of the thread.

God people are so fucking entitled! 'Their' presents? Their entitled to fuck all from OP, she's not the company owner!!!

*they're

@HeadNorth

The OP did something she wanted to do. Fair enough. But then the OP got annoyed because her staff were insufficiently grateful for her festive gift of nothing (or 'fuck all', if you are the poster who has a problem acknowledging the OP gave her staff nothing).

It is the OP's anger at her staff for not saying thank you for receiving nothing for xmas that is hilariously unreasonable. The rest is just scenery.

She's annoyed because they said they wanted a gift instead.

I’d consider that time to stop buying team gifts from your own money. Do secret Santa next year. Spending £350 of your own money on employees who probably thing it comes from company funds is bonkers.

If you normally receive a gift from work, and then after the toughest year many people will have experienced, to then not receive a gift, would be a real kick in the teeth

Teacups.

It isn’t from work.

The OP is not angry, she is upset and worried that she has upset her team. She is not coming across as angry, just concerned that she made a mistake with the charity donation

Where are you getting that OP was angry from?

It's literally the title of the thread.

God people are so fucking entitled! 'Their' presents? Their entitled to fuck all from OP, she's not the company owner!!

Neither is the OP entitled to thanks from her staff for not getting them a present, which is what the thread is about. I believe the OP called it 'immense ingratitude'

Maybe you misjudged it slightly, but I think they were incredibly fucking ungrateful to say anything. If these gifts had been from the company, that would be one thing, but as they know that you usually pay for them out of your own pocket, it's incredibly entitled of them to expect anything. I don't think they should necessarily feel grateful for a charity donation that they haven't asked for, and that was perhaps a miscalculation on your part, but in that case, they should have just keep their mouths shut. You didn't owe them anything.

I wouldn't bother next year - just make the charity donation yourself and say nothing about it.

My team just had this. We didn't even get to pick the charity, which is actually one of the giver's preferred charities. So no, if you want to give to charity do, but don't say that's a gift you bought for me, because it isn't.

Where are you getting that OP was angry from?

It's the actual fucking title!

but I think they were incredibly fucking ungrateful to say anything. If these gifts had been from the company, that would be one thing, but as they know that you usually pay for them out of your own pocket, it's incredibly entitled of them to expect anything

How are you people so easily confused? It's not about feeling entitled, its about the perfectly normal state of not being grateful for something you were not given.
Are you grateful to me for your present? Nope, because I did not give you a present? If I get angry at you for not being grateful, I'm the one being an arsehole, not you.

How many more times must it be said?

Poor OP, it was misjudged, but came from a kind place.