Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think more MC women should try dating WC men

351 replies

CrotchBurn · 20/12/2020 05:46

Just realised the two happiest relationships I've had have been with working class guys. This shows my prejudice but: both were actually way less misogynistic than the MC men I went out with.

I've been with my partner who is WC for five years now. Sometimes its uncomfortable as we clash on things that we hadnt realised were pretty basic for both of us but by and large I find him much more interesting, insightful and crucially less bigoted than some of the sanctimonious pricks I've dated before, who would have a lot of "theory" but actually in practice lived in quite tight bubbles that made them prejudiced without realising it.

I feel freer with my current partner, and although he can do some "alright alright" style stuff like slapping my ass 😂 I think he is much more of an actual feminist in his actions than some of the self proclaimed "feminist" men I know who are also selfish, manipulative, and gaslighting.

Also he is very house proud (I see that as quite a working class thing) and does all the cleaning - and he takes it seriously. Meanwhile I am the higher earner and do all the cooking as I was brought up to experiment with food whereas he wasnt.

Plus - its sexy going out with a man who can build and fix stuff and repair cars and does boxing. He is a non violent person but I know if there was an apocalypse or we were attacked in the street he would sort it out.

Oh and another thing which I consider to be quite a WC thing: he always knows someone who knows someone who can get us what we need/do what we need doing as a favour.

Basically: I know it's kind of "taboo" to tall about it but AIBU to think that maybe a lot of middle class women would be happier with working class men?

OP posts:
Caiti19 · 21/12/2020 00:05

Definitely more nuanced - which I find refreshing. I was years living in the U.S. and really did not like being asked "what do you do?" within first few minutes of meeting someone. I always sensed it was asked as a means of defining/fencing a person.

Tell your sister to hold onto that one. Wink Provided he's kind and treats her like a Queen of course. Smile

Newmumatlast · 21/12/2020 00:13

My husband is WC but I'm also from WC background albeit closer to MC. Things you've said are huge stereotypes. My husband is lovely but doesn't box or slap my arse. Previous WC boyfriends have been misogynistic and abusive. They settled down with yes women. If I judged WC men by experience with them I'd not have bothered with my husband. Interestingly most of the WC men I know from school are traditional and want to be breadwinner with a wife who is sahm or has a small part time job. Not for me and husband is content for me to take the breadwinner role

Newmumatlast · 21/12/2020 09:00

@berrygirlie

We all secretly love a bit of rough.

Only if you're imagining the likes of Tom Hardy, I think Grin

And some of us really do think Tom Hardy isn't much to write home about
toconclude · 21/12/2020 09:15

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2

Forgot to say l'd be quite happy with the odd arse slap too
That AND punching people? Physical violence makes my ovaries shrivel personally cos y'know, it's violence?. Christ, this thread is depressing in what some women profess to find attractive. No wonder men feel free to behave like shits. And no, I don't secretly like a bit of rough. Boak.
Djouce · 21/12/2020 09:21

We all secretly love a bit of rough.

Well, if you think all working-class men are 'a bit of rough' purely because they are WC, then doesn't it occur to you that WC women are also 'a bit of rough'? Or do you not like thinking about 'rough' women? Or are only WC men 'rough'?

Or are you off on one of those cartoonish Diet Coke break fantasies about some builder peeling off his top and flexing his Chippendale biceps at gaggles of fainting female office workers?

nosswith · 21/12/2020 09:26

I am a man. I think most people would consider me to be MC (office based job, university educated to give examples).

It has been interesting to read the thoughts and comments. My only observation is that I cannot accept violence by men towards women to ever be acceptable, and I hope no-one disagrees with this.

formerbabe · 21/12/2020 09:55

That AND punching people? Physical violence makes my ovaries shrivel personally cos y'know, it's violence?. Christ, this thread is depressing in what some women profess to find attractive. No wonder men feel free to behave like shits. And no, I don't secretly like a bit of rough. Boak.

I wouldn't want to be with a violent man, obviously. But I do want to be with a man who, if it came down to it, could defend me.

formerbabe · 21/12/2020 09:58

My friends dh was attacked when they were out and she had to defend him...I do not want to be with someone who couldn't defend themselves and for me to have to step in like that.

Djouce · 21/12/2020 10:01

@formerbabe

That AND punching people? Physical violence makes my ovaries shrivel personally cos y'know, it's violence?. Christ, this thread is depressing in what some women profess to find attractive. No wonder men feel free to behave like shits. And no, I don't secretly like a bit of rough. Boak.

I wouldn't want to be with a violent man, obviously. But I do want to be with a man who, if it came down to it, could defend me.

Well, statistically, you’re far more likely to need to defend yourself against your partner than have said partner defend you against a random, violent attack by someone else.
formerbabe · 21/12/2020 10:08

Well, statistically, you’re far more likely to need to defend yourself against your partner than have said partner defend you against a random, violent attack by someone else

Statistically yes, but on an individual, personal level, I'm more likely to be attacked by a stranger than my dh...and like I said further on, my friends dh was attacked when they were out and she had to step in.

Anyway, dv can be perpetrated by mc and wc men. I've never experienced it myself. There's plenty of men around who wouldn't dream of hitting a woman but are prepared to hit a man if they were confronted.

GuiEtVin · 21/12/2020 10:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

nevergoingoutagain · 21/12/2020 10:29

My husband is most definitely what you would call "middle class" brought up by dentists in a rural area with a swimming pool, skiing holiday every year.

He fixes our cars, runs a bike maintenance business, does diy and spends hours in the garage doing fuck knows what!

He also slaps my arse way more than someone with fibro pain should endure!!

He's not house proud though but his garage is a tip too!

Valkadin · 21/12/2020 10:51

John Prescott with his ‘we are all middle class now’ quote sums up how many people feel. But however much people try to hide their backgrounds there are many small nuances that give backgrounds away. A good laypersons book on class is Watching the English by Katie Fox.

I studied class in depth as I researched educational outcomes and income levels. Defining class used to be a lot clearer and simpler 30 years ago. Its still there but the lines are more blurred these days. The actual system used by the ONS has changed, I have some issues with cognitive functioning these days and can’t remember but it’s easy enough to google official definitions by the ONS.

longwayoff · 21/12/2020 12:00

You are a bit strange OP. You can have your bit of rough without bragging about it, you know. It's not an actual achievement.

WiseOwlWan · 21/12/2020 17:27

It wasnt the op who said "bit of rough".

longwayoff · 21/12/2020 18:16

No, she didn't. Are you making a point?

WiseOwlWan · 21/12/2020 18:20

The point is just that telling the OP she is weird because she can have a bit of rough without bragging about it 🤔😐 she is in a relationship with him.

CarHire101 · 21/12/2020 18:27

Hey my opinion is Hollywood cast loads of white people as Egyptian! So I guess it’s ok!

CarHire101 · 21/12/2020 18:27

Wrong thread! 🤪

MintyMabel · 21/12/2020 20:41

The working class men I dated were atrocious.

BringPizza · 22/12/2020 09:01

@formerbabe

He slaps your arse? That’s not ok

It's perfectly ok if you're a couple and both happy with it.

I do it to my DH in the privacy of our own home and he likes it. Is he an abused husband?
RosesAndHellebores · 22/12/2020 09:28

Serious question op. If all the middle class women are supposed to marry working class men, what are all the working class women supposed to do? Marry middle class men who by your definition are substandard? I think that's about as misogynistic as it gets to be honest. You think one section of women should take the best men leaving those with fewer advantages to marry your definition of anti-feminist misogynistic gits. Hmm

I married a working class chap who went to uni, took professional qualifications, can't do anything practical but can pay for practical jobs to be done. The only difference was confidence in social situations but he's lucky because I can work a room for him and taught him how.

ReadyFreddy · 22/12/2020 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GoingPlaces2021 · 23/12/2020 07:05

We all secretly love a bit of rough.

I meet a lot of MC men because of my DC's school and DH's work and I am not that keen on them myself. They come across as quite wimpy to me, but then that is because I was brought up in a rough northern town. I had lunch with my SIL a few months ago with her BF and he sat there the whole time talking about what wine he likes, what cheese he was buying on the way home and where his next pretentious holiday was. I'd rather listen to a man talking about football TBH. I just found it a massive turn off.

I've been around a lot of MC men and I've never once seen them stick up for anyone. Some WC men are openly misogynistic but I find MC men's type of misogyny a lot worse.

Snowy0w1 · 23/12/2020 08:12

@GoingPlaces2021 oh i know what you mean!! There is something so pampered about that. Like if there was an apocalypse, you'd need to look after him.

Even if a man's job is some desk based spreadsheetty job, assemble the ikea coffee table. Dont leave it to yr wife.