To think more MC women should try dating WC men

[CrotchBurn]

Just realised the two happiest relationships I've had have been with working class guys. This shows my prejudice but: both were actually way less misogynistic than the MC men I went out with.

I've been with my partner who is WC for five years now. Sometimes its uncomfortable as we clash on things that we hadnt realised were pretty basic for both of us but by and large I find him much more interesting, insightful and crucially less bigoted than some of the sanctimonious pricks I've dated before, who would have a lot of "theory" but actually in practice lived in quite tight bubbles that made them prejudiced without realising it.

I feel freer with my current partner, and although he can do some "alright alright" style stuff like slapping my ass 😂 I think he is much more of an actual feminist in his actions than some of the self proclaimed "feminist" men I know who are also selfish, manipulative, and gaslighting.

Also he is very house proud (I see that as quite a working class thing) and does all the cleaning - and he takes it seriously. Meanwhile I am the higher earner and do all the cooking as I was brought up to experiment with food whereas he wasnt.

Plus - its sexy going out with a man who can build and fix stuff and repair cars and does boxing. He is a non violent person but I know if there was an apocalypse or we were attacked in the street he would sort it out.

Oh and another thing which I consider to be quite a WC thing: he always knows someone who knows someone who can get us what we need/do what we need doing as a favour.

Basically: I know it's kind of "taboo" to tall about it but AIBU to think that maybe a lot of middle class women would be happier with working class men?

This is a ridiculous thread. Crazy thought OP but you could learn how to fix things yourself? That way you wouldn't have to rely on a man (whether MC or WC) to do it for you.

It's quite an interesting thing that women tend not to date/marry "down" but men will.

Without speculating why that is, I think in general it is a good thing for people to be open to dating those from another background. Sometimes it can mean you have to get used to another way of speaking about things or humour that isn't what you are used to etc, and that isn't always easy even though you'd think it would be. But it can be very worthwhile.

In my own experience I grew up middle class and attended university, but for about 10 years I worked mostly with working class men. I found them just as good to women and minority groups etc as people from my own background, and often moreso really. There wasn't the same dancing around things like race or sex or sexuality. I knew people who thought that this was very offensive, but my experience was most people from those groups, including myself, found it kind of a relief.

I dated a number of those guys and I found them quite enjoyable to spend time with.

This is a brilliantly English thread. Air your personal snobbery (be it internalized, inverted or in your face). How odd!

He slaps your arse? That’s not ok.

It's fine in a relationship if both parties are happy with it 🙄

It's quite an interesting thing that women tend not to date/marry "down" but men will.

I wonder if it’s instinctual, trying to find the best provider for your future offspring?

@M4J4

It's quite an interesting thing that women tend not to date/marry "down" but men will.

I wonder if it’s instinctual, trying to find the best provider for your future offspring?

Maybe? It's a statistically pretty significant number as I understand, and anecdotally when I look at people I know, seems to hold.

I wonder if it’s instinctual, trying to find the best provider for your future offspring?

I think it is. Although I think I should have had a wider tick list of essential qualities (of which proven education wasn't necessarily one of them) when I did it

My DH was brought up WC (wouldn’t say he was anymore based on his profession). He’s shit at DIY. I was brought up MC - I’m a dab hand at making and fixing things (learnt growing up from my MC father). Are we broken?

Are we broken?

Yes.

I would imagine you’d see more MC women going out with WC men than MC men going out with women.

Yeah l'm WC and DH is MC and l really miss having a man that does jobs around the house and isn't afraid to throw a punch in self defence. It is sexy.

All the WC men l know all have the babies early because then you get your time when you have money and are still young. They all have big families.

@Kaliorphic

Ah fuck, cos I really like him! Damn you MN...

Forgot to say l'd be quite happy with the odd arse slap too

Ah fuck, cos I really like him! Damn you MN

You have to LTB right away. No choice. Sorry.

It’s not being WC or MC is it? It’s being competent, capable and considerate that’s a turn on.

Ahh yeah except the golf thing. That would drive me nuts.

I have to say I understand the point the OP is making here. In Ireland though, it's totally normal for women with degrees/masters to be married to men who went straight to work after school. In fact, that seems to be the standard outside of the cities. We wouldn't call these men "working class" though. And it certainly wouldn't be considered "marrying down". More like "marrying clever" - when the woman can have a custom house built for her by a man with the know-how who has been earning since aged 18 versus aged 30! That can be the difference between being mortgage free or saddled with huge debt for life. I have one friend who had land in the family and who would only consider dating men with the know-how to deliver her dream house on that land - but she has a good picker and coupled up with a great guy. She has a great marriage. I wish for my own daughter that she marry an intelligent man of character. Formal education is not a reflection of I.Q. level by any means. I get what you are saying though - that highly educated women are propelled into circles of highly educated men - and while the level of professional/intellectual satisfaction can be high, maybe personal/spiritual satisfaction is delayed to the point of it actually screwing with your happiness. It's a fine balance for sure.

See, I don’t recognise that at all@Caiti19. Or, while I can certainly think of a few couples I know who fit into that pattern, they’re women who did a degree and a HDip (and sometimes an MA) and returned to their hometown to teach, but with the ultimate aim of marrying someone local, and recognised that if they wanted to stay local, they would be picking from who was around, which was limited enough. Working from home may have the effect of rejuvenating small towns, and making a larger professional pool, of course.

That's an interesting post Caiti19. 👍

I'm not being overly-critical, but I think that if you are still noting all the differences between you and your partner, after five years, you are objectifying them, and, subconsciously, keeping them at a distance, apart from your sense of self. There's no sense of blending or a partnership in the original post. Even the introduction with the term 'dating' - well, it's gone beyond that, after five years, and mention of other previous relationship with 'wc' man suggests it's a convenience which OP can control or do away with, in their unconscious mind. I think the PP was correct in what they said about fetishizing 'wc' men. In the original post, it's like these guys are being noticed in terms of how they appear, moving about, fixing, cleaning, bum-slapping, being physical.

I guess well-paid ladies can afford to prioritize an alluring partner. Is all the lack of mysogyny just meaning that he doesn't mind being with someone who earns six times more than him - whereas professional guys tend to resent it, in OP's experience? I don't think that you'd be likely to find more tolerance for mankind in any class group - although the highly and expensively- educated Labour voter is probably the most liberal and kindly tolerant specimen of society with the greatest social-conscience.

Putting aside the stereotypes there is some truth in this
I’ve never really gone for MC men
I find English mc men a bit tricky

Actually I find most English MC people a bit grating , not all
But as a mass group
Tricky

Similar. I'm middle class, although being Irish, few British people would register that difference between and my most recent X, but he was the least misogynist man I've ever been out with. No porn addictions. No casual every day sexism. Didn't pressure me in to one single thing I didn't want to do, ever.

He has sisters who've all been single parents at one point or another and he understands and believed with no ''what about the menz'' that parenthood costs mothers more than it costs fathers. He was also extremely hardworking, and achieved much higher than would have been expected of him by his family if they'd had any expectations at all. He felt like a strong person in my corner who has taught me by example how to ''take no shit'' while still staying true to the ''Do no harm'' that always came more naturally to me. So I've taught him about saving (i can't believe he didn't used to save) and he's taught me how to say ''no'' and how to not care.

We weren't young so it's not like we were going to get married and have children, but I still can't imagine having introduced him to all my aunts, uncles, cousins, school friends...

I think that makes me self conscious rather than snobby. He was never racing to introduce me to his family either. We both got that.

Djouce - I know what you mean about the H-dippers. None of the women I am thinking of are teachers though. I grew up in Dublin where I think married couples are a bit more likely to have similar educational backgrounds. I moved rural 5 years ago, and it's been a real eye-opener. Women where I am now seem to hone their pickers in a whole different way. Thinking about it now though, the friends in question all grew up in counties that could be considered the commuting belt of Dublin - Louth and Kildare. Their partners would have had easy access to very lucrative work, while returning to rent-free homestead every evening and maybe part time farming too. Maybe it's geography-based.

@Hollowgast

I'm a MC man and I can mend the fuck out of shit

Ha ha, do you wear those carpenter jeans with loops for your tools?

@Caiti19

Djouce - I know what you mean about the H-dippers. None of the women I am thinking of are teachers though. I grew up in Dublin where I think married couples are a bit more likely to have similar educational backgrounds. I moved rural 5 years ago, and it's been a real eye-opener. Women where I am now seem to hone their pickers in a whole different way. Thinking about it now though, the friends in question all grew up in counties that could be considered the commuting belt of Dublin - Louth and Kildare. Their partners would have had easy access to very lucrative work, while returning to rent-free homestead every evening and maybe part time farming too. Maybe it's geography-based.

I think the PT farming is key, @Caiti19! My sister is seeing someone who’s a research chemist at a big pharma firm but still fattening bullocks on the small farm he inherited. You’re right that social class is more nuanced in Ireland, though, and I think it’s probably changed in the years since I’ve been living out of Ireland (returned last year after a long time away) — so many of my generation left, either straight from school or straight from university, and it’s been interesting re-encountering my peers who stayed.