To say we have it a lot worse?

[NorthEast322]

Not being able to see my DP who I have been with for 2 and a half years because of coronavirus? He is everything to me but we live apart and cannot be together. Most likely won't even see each other until Easter if we are lucky.
Yes we have kept our jobs and nobody has died/we have not had the virus but aibu to say this is unbelievably tough on us and to not know how we will get through it?

The reason you can't see each other is not coronavirus, it's your jobs. You could get together in a support bubble perfectly legally and easily if it were not for that.

I have a dgd nearly 2yrs old. Missed all those changes in her over the last 9 months that l'll now never see, except for a few videos and pics. Was going to finally see her and DS over Xmas, now had to cancel due to tier changes...... oh and l have an ingrowing toenail that l can't get sorted till well after Xmas.

I win surely?

He isn't "everything to you"' when you both clearly have other priorities , reasons you choose not to live together. that’s bullshit and is an attitude which is all too common on MN. It’s up there with people seeming to assume that living together is the be all and end all and that if you don’t it’s not a real relationship.

I don’t live with my DP. He works in another city and for logistical reasons it’s not possible for us to live together.

We didn’t see each other from March until July and then not again between September/December. And anyone who says that I am lying about that has no idea what they’re talking about.

However last week he started two weeks holiday and has come down here and we have formed a support bubble. He will be here until after Christmas and will then go back, and realistically we don’t know when we will see each other again.

I am vulnerable and him travelling to/from here is just a risk I can’t take. Even now he is in the spare room because I’ve been told that if I catch COVID I am unlikely to survive it.

However, there are people who have it a lot worse. And none of my family or friends have thus far had COVID. Added to which, I have a serious, life limiting illness which has almost killed me three times in the past now. But at the moment I feel incredibly well, have had no issues with my health and haven’t caught COVID.

Not being able to see my DP is minor in the scheme of things.

It’s ok to be frustrated, but this need to play hardship top trumps When the issue is really minor in comparison really isn’t.

Have you had it worse than me. My mum died and was in hospital dying for weeks and I was only allowed to see her a few times and not at all in the last two weeks. 🤷‍♀️ Plenty of other people have lost loved ones. A friend’s partner has just been diagnosed with late, terminal cancer after being fobbed off for months as couldn’t get drs to see him/treat him/take him seriously. There’s loads of people who haven’t been able to see partners. It’s all shit.

I’d have thought if you wanted to move in with him now you could. People are surely allowed to move house still even if in tier 4? People could move house in the first, strict lockdown. I think as long as it’s a permanent thing rather than a few days here, a few days there it’s ok.

If you both have jobs then that means you have the finances to live together or move closer to one another. Could one of you relocate? What are your jobs? If I was you, I would’ve discussed this with your DP sooner.

@CherryPavlova

I would think submariners, oil rig workers, deployed military, aid workers all have it far harder. Imagine nine months apart. Imagine three months with no contact at all.

This, with bells on, sprinkles and a cherry on top.

Since November? I had a baby this year. My mum's seen him four times - the last time was five months ago. I was looking forward to Christmas but now we can't see dm. It sucks. I'm devastated. But I know there are so, so many new mums in this situation. Not seeing dp since November? You may need to rethink your priorities if you think this is an especially hard situation.

I lost my job, and somebody in my family died. So YABU.

Actually many people have many struggles and OP can feel sad about her situation it could be much much worse but it could be better too

On another note 66,000 people haven't died this year it's more like 700,000, did the 640,000 that didn't die of covid not have families that maybe didn't see them or they died alone or died because they weren't treated they are no less dead than the "sadly died of covid"

My friends neighbour died of septacemia on Friday the GP refused to see her 3 times at beginning of week despite her DH pleading for appointment mindfulness for the stomach pain was suggested by the time he called ambulance on Thursday it was too widespread we live in an area with 31 cases per 100,000 the NHS were not overwhelmed the GP was negligent

A completely avoidable death, a ruined Christmas and life for one family and a tiny funeral

I think you phrased your title really badly OP as in comparison to many you really have it easy.

I have a family at my school, the 48 year old father recently died from Covid. Another mum who was beaten black and blue during the first lockdown and is now trying to get her life together. She has no money and is being supported by us (school) but life is exceptionally hard for her. Last week of term we had police and social worker in as a child disclosed sexual abuse, a section 47 in place and child put into care.

These are just a couple of examples. So, do I think you have it worse? No.

Had you asked for sympathy because you felt low and this situation is shit for so many of us then yes. It's really shit and you have my sympathy.

Terrible thread, needs to be taken down IMO.

OP you 've been apart for a matter of a very few weeks? People have died, been unable to go to the funerals of dearly loved friends/family, people are losing their homes and businesses.....I just CBA to continue. Get over yourself. .

You are upset because you can’t see each other for a few months... and those who will never see their loved ones again are what... lucky?

Unbelievable. Sad and annoying yes but fuck me get your head out of your arse.

You lived together during first lockdown. Been apart from November, so it's only been a month?
I think there are many others who haven't seen loved ones longer than that, as well as people who have lost their loved ones forever.

Not seen my son since last Christmas. Not seen DP since March (am in Leicester so NEVER been out of lockdown properly ) I talk to both on social media, telephone and FaceTime. We are lucky that we have lost no one. We are lucky we have social media. Back in the 80s/90s if this had happened we would have a phone call or a letter.
I think to myself with DP if we can get through this unscathed and still love each other (believe me we have had times when it's been difficult) then it means something.
We aren't at home listening to bombs being dropped on us whilst our husbands etc were fighting in the war.
Stay at home , message / call lots. We WILL get through it and as long as we are healthy afterwards 🙏 That will do me.

Fuck off, other people are getting made homeless, bankrupt, losing everything including their nearest and dearest, and you're moaning because you can't have a bit of nookie, just fuck right off.

@sparklefarts

I'd guard yourself for this one OP.. you'll get some justified answers I imagine.

Why did you not move in together at the start?

Well, you can't say I didn't warn you

Very short sighted thread OP

I lived apart from my now DH for two years. It’s hardly ideal but you can communicate with your partner and I’m sure there’s been periods in the last year that you could have seen each other. Tier 4 was only announced yesterday!
Sorry you feel so fed up but really I don’t think your situation is that bad.

I haven't seen my family or close friends since early July, because I live abroad. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer last week. I have 2 weeks (yes, weeks) of work between now and May. There are worse things out there than not seeing your boyfriend for a month.

My little one was born early and spent three weeks in hospital, during which time her dad didn't see her at all and barely saw me, 'cause covid. There were other dads whose babies were sicker and had to be there longer. I'd say the pain of being separated from your newborn baby, who might be very unwell, or from the mum's perspective, being thrown into that awful situation with no support allowed from partners or indeed anyone else, would be wise than not getting to see your partner for a while.

But I still don't think YABU to be upset about your particular set of circumstances. It does suck. Sadness isn't a competition.

Also, can't believe I didn't include this in my first post, what about all the people who've lost loved ones? I lost my grandfather to covid and was close to losing my grandmother and father too. I'd separate from my husband for a few months to bring Gramps back. It'd be awful and I'd miss DH terribly, bit it'd be worth it.

It really is OK to feel down and sad about a situation even if it could be much worse, and looking on the bright side only goes so far.
Be nice, people, this is supposed to be a supportive site.

@AlwaysLatte I think the lack of kindness is due to the post's title rather than the OP's situation. Had she said AIBU to ask for your sympathy then I think the reaction would have been totally different.

During the war my parents did not see each other for 5 years. They got through it as they had to. You need to get real.

You have been apart since November??? 😂😂😂😂

It's DECEMBER FFS!!!!

What a brave thread .. you’ve had it a lot worse than who exactly ??